Monte

Earl is a master at it. Look, as he places one card over the other. They switch places. Watch as he places the right card over the center, switching it with the left. Don’t take your eyes off of the cards. Left goes to center. Center moves to the right. Going on and on, switching them again and again, all the while Earl is saying “Please sir. Keep your eyes on the cards. We would really like you to win some money today.”

Of course, that’s one of the biggest lies in the business. But, then again, that is the business. All Earl does, all he ever does, and perhaps his only talent, is making these types of lies -concocting them out of thin air – selling them as the truth.

“Are you watching the cards, sir? Very good. This is where it stops. Tell me, my good man. Where is the lady?”

The man extends his longest finger towards the left. Then, changing his mind, he points to the center card.

“Oh sir. Are you sure? Are you absolutely certain? The one in the middle. Seems like the easy choice. Seems like the choice of a novice.”

“Hey. I’m no novice.” The man says, sure of himself. “I am absolutely certain. One hundred percent the queen’s in the middle. Nothing you can do to convince me otherwise.”

And Earl turns over the black ace. The center card.

“I’m sorry sir. You sounded so sure. I really wanted you to win today. I think you should try again. Twenty bucks, double or nothing. This time we’ll get rid of one of the aces. Watch as I replace it with the other red queen. There is only one ace now sir, and all you have to do is avoid this card. You’re certain to win, don’t you think?”

And Earl starts to slowly move the cards. The center moves over the left card, switching places. Right to left. Then, left to right. Right changes places with the center card. One ace. Two ladies. Just the way Earl likes it, he’s building up a sweat now as the crowd around him grows from three to five. Five to ten.

“You know you want to play, sir. It’s only twenty dollars.”

Of course, the man lays down the money.

Earl picks up the pace now. Having more people around means more people talking, more people helping out the guy playing to win. More people that would really love to see Earl Hammond lose.

He doesn’t.

“Alright, that’s it.” Says the man, clearly feeling defeated. Clearly angry at Earl. Embarrassed at the growing size of the crowd, watching him crumble when he only had to watch one card.

“Sir, please.” Earl’s trying to smooth things over and keep his client. “No one ever wins the first time. If that happened, why, I’d be out of business before I even started. Now, what I want you to do is try one more time. Believe me sir; I don’t do this very often. But when I see a winner like you, well I want to help you out. Tell you what: you do this one more time, straight Monte just like the first game, no entry fee. Only thing you can do is win. Question is, do you have it? Do you have the power that I think you do? Believe me sir, I haven’t been beaten in over a week. I think you’ve got it in you.”

Earl switching cards, talking the whole time he’s doing it. “I’m going to give you sixty dollars if you win sir. And I’m going to teach you how it’s done. All you’ve got to do is beat me, right now. Watch the queen. I know you can do it.”

“Alright, I’m in.” The man says, knowing he’s got absolutely nothing to lose.

“Name’s Earl, sir. What’s yours?”

Not looking up, the man says, “Tom.”

“Nice to meet you. Now, Tom. I haven’t done anything tricky this whole morning, do you agree?”

“Oh you’ve done something because I keep losing.”

“Ah that’s nothing. This is only your third time. Besides, I can tell when I see a winner. You’ve just got to believe in yourself Tom. What do you think? Do you think you have it?”

“Yeah yeah, we’ll see. It’s on the left.”

“Your left or mine Tom.”

“Mine.”

“Turn it over Tom. See for yourself.”

And Tom turns it over. The Queen of Diamonds.

♠

After the congratulations, after the rest of the people trying to equal Tom’s admittedly impressive win have lost to Earl, well after the sun has gone down, Tom is still there. As requested, Tom never left. He just moved to the sidelines and watched.

“What do you think, Tom?”

“I’m just happy I won there at the end. I really have to hand it to you Earl I don’t know how you do it.”

“Well, it’s all in the timing, of course, there’s…”

“I mean stay alive, Earl. Some of those people lost over two hundred dollars to you. I’ve seen this kind of crap in the movies, but for real? No way people don’t want to kill you. I wanted to, and I was your only winner today.”

“Nah. Most people, they know it’s a game. But enough of that. Listen I’ve got to get going but I need to talk to you first.”

“Yeah, well, here I am.”

“How many times today, you standing by, watching, did you know where she was?”

“The queen? Oh, I don’t know.”

“Where is she now?” The same three cards, still face down on the table.

And Tom, maybe just guessing, he points to the left.

“You sure?”

“What have I got to lose?”

“Good point. But are you sure about your choice. I mean, do you really feel that it’s there, on your left. Or do you feel that it could be somewhere else.”

“No. I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s there.”

“Turn it over Tom.”

“I don’t get it. People have been playing this game all day long. I’m the only person here now. The only person you’re talking to, with no money at stake. I thought you were a business man?”

“Turn it over. Take a look.”

“Why? What’s the point?”

“Tom, you’ve been here all day. You don’t know how many times you knew where the queen of diamonds was. But I have a feeling you were right most of the time. Those first two games, on the level, there’s no way you could have won. And yet you almost did. Remember when you changed your mind on our first game? It’s a good thing you did. Otherwise you would have been the first to ever be right on the first time. And there’s absolutely no way you should have guessed. This game is rigged. And that’s when I got to thinking.”

“What?”

“Look.” Earl turns over the card on Tom’s left. “It’s the queen Tom.”

“So. Lucky guess.”

“Tom, if this game were truly about ‘lucky guesses’, I mean, do you really think I’d be doing this? Do you really think we go into business ‘guessing’ we’ll take your money.”

“I don’t know. Yeah. It’s gambling for a reason. Some people get lucky…”

“Come on Tom. Look at this. Okay, turn around. Right now. Go ahead.”

Tom turns around, hesitantly, as Earl turns the queen back over. He gives the cards a good mix. In his hands, quickly and fairly. Now, even Earl has no idea where she is.

“Stay there. Say it. Right, Left, or Center.”

“I don’t know.”

“Quit thinking. Which one Tom? Which is it?”

“Uh. Um. Center. Center.”

"Turn around."

And Tom sees the center card. Face up. Once again, of course, it’s the queen.

“Turns out you’ve got yourself a gift Tom. Why don’t you come back tomorrow? I’m off, but here’s my card. I live just down the block.”

“No. Why do I care? It’s just a little luck.”

“Let me tell you why you care Tom. Because this isn’t just about some dumb card game. This is about you. And you have something special. And I know that with these types of gifts, these types of powers…well, they can be dangerous.”

“Oh come on Earl. You’re feeding me some kind of line and I am not buying any of it. I haven’t had any problems ever before in my life.”

“Well, this is the first time you’ve come to me. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve instilled these gifts in you. And maybe, just maybe, your powers start right now.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because Tom. You have no family. You have no friends. You hate your job. And now, now you have something. Now, all of the sudden, you’re special. And you can do anything you want. You’ll just need a little help making these types of things work for you instead of against you. Take my card. Come see me. Let me help you.”

“Alright. But you’re still a friggin’ con-man, right? So, I suppose this’ll cost me big. Right?”

“We’ll make it work for both of us, Tom. I promise. Tomorrow. Ten AM.”

Staring at the card, Tom knows he has no choice. “Ten AM.”

Tom and Earl shake hands, and Tom walks off, still staring at Earl’s card. The Ace of Spades from a pack of cards with his full name, phone number and address hand-written in black ink on the back.

Earl opens his briefcase to pack up for the night. Smiling to himself, satisfied with his performance today, he folds up his table, rolls up his mat, and picks up the five cards, two from underneath prior to the switch at the very end, made while the crowd disbursed. Those, the two Aces.

And the three from on top, from the conversation with Tom. Well, naturally, all of them the Queen of Diamonds.

♣

Earl barely out of bed, half-finished with breakfast, hardly coherent, answers the frantic knocking at the door.

“You killed my boss?”

Tom seems in a panic, as if he ran all the way here, to Earl’s too-cluttered apartment.

“What?”

“You heard me. And you’re crazy. I cannot believe you would do such a thing.”

“Tom, do you forget that we only just met? Do you not realize that I have yet to know much of anything about you beyond your first name? I don’t even know where you work. I am not sure what you take me for, but what you’re suggesting is absolutely ridiculous. Look at me after all. I just woke up.”

“Yeah well, he died last night.”

Tom throws his jacket onto the couch and moves further inside the apartment. Checking the place out, looking for clues as to who this mystery man really might be. And everything around him just seems normal. An absolute mess, but no less normal for a bachelor seemingly in his late thirties. Living in the city. Working the streets. Trying to make an honest living?

Something like that.

“Have a seat, Tom. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking you’re crazy. Still. That’s pretty much it. I mean, I go to call in to work, try to come up with some bull for an excuse. Tell them I am sick. Really all I can think is how much time I’m wasting believing you when the secretary picks up. I say hello. This is Tom. Can I speak with Greg please. You know, protocol. Normal crap. Who cares? She says Greg won’t be in today. I think that’s a laugh, he’s always in. Hasn’t missed a day of work since I’ve been here. And she says he probably won’t be in ever again. Turns out he kicked it last night. The bucket. That’s what she says. Ridiculous.”

“Seems rather uncaring.”

“Uncaring? Sounded friggin’ celebratory. Not like anyone likes this guy. Kind of like a free day. Something like that. Some timing though. That’s why I thought, think, actually that you had something to do with it. So explain away. You seem good at it.”

“Tom, what do you take me for?”

“A jerk. Mostly. And that’s about it, so far.”

“Well Tom, sounds like you really hated this guy.”

“Yeah, I kinda hate my mom too sometimes. She’s not dead.”

“Have you talked to her today?”

The color leaves Tom’s face as a moderate panic sets in.

“Sorry Tom. That’s a joke. Kind of anyway. I really can’t tell you.”

“Well if you can’t tell me anything, then I’m leaving. I don’t like being yanked around, Earl. And I don’t like you all that much, either. This whole thing is a load of crap, and I’m pretty sure I’m just about done with it.

Tom stands up, briefly. Earl and Tom seem to stare at each other for a long, uncomfortable while. Then Tom turns to grab his coat and swiftly moves to the door.

“My guess is, Tom that you hated this guy a lot more than your mom. Furthermore, my guess is you wanted to be him. If I were a betting man, that’s a joke Tom, I’d put tons of money on the fact that you and he went up for the same job. Obviously he got what you wanted. You not only hated this guy, Tom, you resented him.”

Tom stops just shy of opening the door. Turning around, throwing his coat back in the exact same spot, he begins to move back to his seat.

“So that’s it? That’s the big secret, Tom?”

“Well, more or less.”

“Then I guess I don’t need you anymore. Maybe you revealed too much too quickly here, Earl. Maybe now that this guy is dead, regardless of who willed what to occur, maybe I’m about to get everything I’ve always wanted.”

“Nah, you hate your job. Besides, all you know is why you did it. You have no idea how you did it. I’m the only one who knows that. My guess is you don’t want to keep going around accidentally killing everyone you hate. Sooner a later a guy like you just might get caught. Or turned in. So, Tom, the only question is, did a guy like you happen to bring a check to a guy like me already made out for ten thousand dollars, or does a guy like you need a pen?”

♥

Three-card Monte is probably the oldest and most popular con game of all time. Known by many names including three-card Marney, three-card shuffle, follow the lady and follow the bee, it is also the most direct. After all, as the name suggest, there are only three things in question. Ever.

It really couldn’t be simpler.

Of course, that’s one of the biggest lies in the business.

Sleight of hand, the shills, the mark, misdirection, the throw, the turnover, all of it plays a part in successfully executing the con.

Most important is, after making your money, you better run.

And, of course, Tom signed the check.

Ushering him downstairs, Earl decides that it’s time for a lesson. Hands on, he says, this is all very simple.

“Make sure you bring your jacket. It’s cold out there. But we won’t be long. After all, you really only need to know one thing.”

“Well then where are we going, Earl. And why so fast?”

Reaching the sidewalk, breathing the fresh yet ever-so-slightly polluted city air, Earl pulls out two cigarettes.

“No thank you. I don’t smoke.” Tom refuses the cigarette.

“It’s not for you.” And Earl places the other cigarette behind his ear, apparently for later.

“Well alright then. Cut to the chase, Earl. Please. What’re we doing?”

“Killing time.”

“Excuse me?”

“Let me explain something to you, Tom. This jacket you’re wearing, it’s the same one you were wearing last night, I assume?”

“Yeah. So?”

“I know. Is it your work jacket?”

“Yeah. How about you make a point?”

“Okay. The point is that you’re an idiot Tom. Take a look.” Earl shoves his index finger into Tom’s chest as Tom winces in pain.

“Ow. Come on man.”

“Read it. Right there, Chase & Walden. The accounting firm you work for. It’s a pretty fancy place. Your boss, he works kind of late sometimes. Right? Yeah, none of this was hard to figure out, Tom. In fact, this might be one of the easier ten thousand dollars I’ve earned lately.”

“No, Earl, you’re the idiot. Checks can be stopped. There’s no way you’re getting that money.”

“Finding your mother, that was the hard part. Knowing exactly where she lives now, knowing that she lives alone in a two-room cottage on Turner Creek Road, and knowing that you actually don’t hate her at all. Yeah, that was tough. But you looked like a momma’s boy.”

Earl takes a final drag on his cigarette.

“Yeah, now shut up and buzz off Tom. Let the check clear and go about your measly little life. Wow, to actually buy into this ‘magical powers’ business. Yeah, you’re definitely the idiot. Game over, Tom. Thanks for playing buddy.”

♦

Tom turns away, his head hanging in defeat, a sudden rage blazing in his heart, and almost without thinking, he speaks. Maybe to himself. Maybe to someone else. Not that anyone is listening.

“I hate you, Earl Hammond.”

“What did you say?”

Earl turns around, perplexed and teetering on the edge of the busy sidewalk prior to crossing the even busier street.

And Tom, he keeps walking and cracks a smile, maybe even blowing into the air, as if extinguishing candlelight for effect. Showmanship. Not that anyone can see.

As Earl missteps into oncoming traffic.