Untitled [An Interview

                                                      -Preface-

Ophelia: So, where do want me to start?

Zadie: Well, what do you wanna know?

Ophelia: Ermmm, okay, what’s your favourite colour?

Zadie: Predictable.

Ophelia: It’s a start.

Zadie: I like black, although it’s not a colour, you might refer to it as the absence of light?

Ophelia: That’s right, why?

Zadie: I think that for a ‘colour’ that only exists as the ‘absence of light,’ it’s possibly the most brilliant creation. It can match anything; it can refer to moods and say a lot about whatever it is you want to refer too.

Ophelia: So, was there a lot of ‘black’ in your life?

Zadie: Yes. What’s your favourite colour?

Ophelia: Yellow. It’s bright and bold and I wear it a lot.

Zadie: Do you like summer?

Ophelia: Best time of the year for me, how about you?

Zadie: Ha, I’m easy. However, I do love the winter. The atmosphere, the white, the black, the skies especially.

Ophelia: Why is that?

Zadie: You don’t know what to expect. It could be cloudy or clear but to look into it more deeply, one day I could be streak purple, like its been airbrushed or something, then the next, it would be on fire, a million different oranges and yellows and reds curling up in the clouds. Its almost unreal, beats sunset.

Ophelia: Haha, yeah I see where your coming from. Do you live beneath these skies?

Zadie: Unfortunately, no I don’t. I would love too, don’t get me wrong but I can never find the time for myself.

Ophelia: You live alone. Do you have guests a lot?

Zadie: No. Well, occasionally but most of the time, it’s deeper than that.

Ophelia: Define deeper?

Zadie: Do you live alone?

Ophelia: No. I live with my husband and two kids. Now how would you define deeper?

Zadie: Why do ask, I could be personal?

Ophelia: Well, that’s the point of an exclusive interview right?
Zadie: Aye, I suppose your right there.

Ophelia: So, define deeper?

Zadie: Inherent, intense thought or feeling of something. To look deeper into it?

Ophelia: Ha, that’s funny.

Zadie: What is sorry?

Ophelia: The dictionary definition.

Zadie: Is that not what you wanted?

Ophelia: Well, not exactly no. I want to know what you mean by deeper.

Zadie: Right.

Ophelia: So, what do mean when you say ‘I have guests occasionally but it’s deeper than that’?

Zadie: Well…

    3 minutes.

Ophelia: Why don’t we come back to that one, when you’ve figured out the answer?

Zadie: Sounds good.

Ophelia: So, I’m just gonna jump in here.

Zadie: Okay.

Ophelia: How did the story begin?

Zadie: Are you ready?

Ophelia: Yes.

Zadie: Are you afraid?

Ophelia: No.

Zadie: You should be.



                                                  -One-

Zadie: On March 24th 2006, exactly six minutes after I picked up and left the school library, I realised I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

Ophelia: How did you come to believe that?

Zadie: At first it felt good. Then all of a sudden it hit me and I realised I wasn’t gonna be able to let go so easily. From the moment I looked up into his eyes, I felt a spark. A different kind of spark, not entirely a feeling.

Ophelia: Like magic?

Zadie: Absolutely.

Ophelia: And why do you think you felt that?

Zadie: Well, first of all, its sounds unbelievable what I’m claiming to have seen, felt, heard and all but back to that moment in the library… each time I think about it, I want to take it back so bad, you know? Like, things changed.

Ophelia: Changed?

Zadie: Well, yes. When I left, things changed and since then my life took on a drastic change. The scariest things happened and I felt like I was being warned or something, but that something was too addictive to just let go of and so I followed on and then the worst kind of events came to be known.

Ophelia: I see. So, back to the beginning, what was it about him?

Zadie: That’s a good question. I could give the best description, appearance, personality excreta, but I could never really figure him out and because of that, I could never see what was so remarkable about him.

Ophelia: And so you hung on to him, hoping to discover what it was?

Zadie: Yes.

Ophelia: And do you take that back?

Zadie: Yes, very much.

Ophelia: Do you ever take the time to think what your life would be like if you didn’t go into the library that day?

Zadie: When I get the chance, yes. Its often a random thought but when I do think about it, its difficult to imagine, I think from different perspectives, he’s changed my life in so many ways, for the good and the bad. I would suppose I would have come across him anyway.

Ophelia: What if he never existed, would that changed anything?

Zadie: That’s easy for you to say, as for me, it’s just the same. I want to able to imagine a life where he never existed but I can’t imagine my life without him. It’s just the same as not walking into the library, although the difference being, he doesn’t exist but again I can’t imagine my life without him.

Ophelia: I see. Do you still feel the same way today as you did when you first saw him?
Zadie: When I first saw him, yes, there was the ‘spark’ but I’d never considered how I felt until later when I increasingly grew more attached. But after everything I went through, I still feel there is a part of me that believes I still feel the same way as I claimed to so deeply way back when.

Ophelia: Right, so before we move on, can you describe him?

Zadie: In so many ways, yes. A word that I had consistently considered was… perfect. Though now, I don’t feel that profound about it anymore. He still is perfect somewhere in the back of my mind but now he’s just sculptured cheekbones, dark, Mediterranean eyes, which is a strange blend but he was unusually attractive. He said: dangerous, protective, soft. Then of course the athletic body and gently smile, the cherry on top.

Ophelia: From that description, it seems you can tell an awful lot about what kind person he might be, I can’t wait to see who he was when you gathered all of the information later on.

Zadie: You have no idea.

Ophelia: Haha. So tell me, what happened next?

Zadie: After I left the library I kept thinking about what just happened in there. There was a series of things going on: Complimenting on drawing, handing him the drawing, spiteful kid who decided to start, questions, snapping, and so on.     

Ophelia: In that order?

Zadie: Yes.

Ophelia: So, ermmm, questions, snapping?

Zadie: Well, this boy had so kindly scared him off, and then questioned me. Not interrogatively, of course. He asked why people seem to bother me and then I sort of, snapped at him. I wasn’t sure at all how he took it and I’d never even considered it but I thought in all, it was a dumb question asked as attempt to make me feel better. I wasn’t as if he couldn’t see but it was nice of him to pretend not too, you know?

Ophelia: Yes, I know how that must be. Do you think that the way you were in school and how people reacted to you, do you think that it may have effected his first impression, either by the name calling or your instant reaction: doing nothing?

Zadie: I think that it made me look a little weak to be honest; I wasn’t expecting this whole situation to go anywhere. At that point I was still in the library thinking I would leave for dinner and not feel a thing. I wasn’t to know that anything that had happened would happed, therefore now, I still force myself to believe that yes, I maybe should have done something but in any case, I don’t think it had any effect and through everything that happened after that moment, I’d never even considered my school life and hopefully neither had he if he’d ever witnessed any of it.

Ophelia: Do take back the snapping?

Zadie: I take back a lot of things, that question you should hold till a more important one. And yes, I do take it back. I think that was the fuck up in the ‘first impression,’ I didn’t mean to speak so venomously. I don’t think he took any offence though, he would have known how I felt at that point with people hassling me.

Ophelia: That makes sense. Do you think a lot before you are about to say or do things?

Zadie: Yes. Usually I think long and hard, rehearsing in my head and sometimes with my feet on the ground, if you follow my meaning. I to set a good first impression on people, new people. Though, no matter how perfect I rehearse it the night before or maybe even days before, something always fucks up when I comes to performing. I think that I didn’t have any time to rehearse the scenario that day in library; therefore I go over and over it in my head. That’s one of my main problems I think.

Ophelia: Does it frustrate you, having rehearsing these scenarios or rehearsing them after they happened and ‘fucked up’? 

Zadie: I’ve thought about that. It does and it doesn’t. I rehearse it the night before then not really think about it so much the next day. I think if I did, I would try, but I still think something would go wrong. To answer the other question, after the scenario has ‘fucked up,’ I would go home and rehearse it over and over again as the night before until I got it right. It would satisfy me for a while then strangely enough, something else would crop up for me to practice, which saved the depression of the previous situation returning.

Ophelia: It sounds like a lot of ‘freakish’ things occur around or to you frequently. Do you believe in fate and serendipity?

Zadie: I do and I don’t. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I also believe in luck, though accidents I’m not sure about are we talking reality or the supernatural here?

Ophelia: Depends, which one do you believe in?

Zadie: Supernatural accidents, fate and destiny, I’m all for. Though for an accident in designed surroundings, I think that the ‘victim’ is not a victim and there is some control involved, how about you, are you superstitious?

Ophelia: I touch wood; solute the magpies, keep my fingers crossed, and miss the drains, yeah.

Zadie: Go on.

Ophelia: Do you believe in ghosts?

Zadie: I do, though a very different kind.


                                                      -Two-

Ophelia: Do you find that your mood changes when you think of him?

Zadie: It can do. Sometimes I act as I am and other times I can be a little frustrated or nervous.

Ophelia: I can understand that it must be quite tough spending your whole life with someone watching you, your every move.

Zadie: Yeah, it is at times, though I didn’t portray him as a bad person so, he’s not much trouble.

Ophelia: Tell me, what was the follow up to this first dramatic change?

Zadie: After I met him that day at the library, it wasn’t long after that the first change began. It was something that happened often with anyone I took a second look at but I never knew this would happen. I was quite surprised that I was still hanging on.

Ophelia: Exactly how real was he?
Zadie: He was like, like a ghost but so incredibly real.

Ophelia: The different kind of ghost.

Zadie: Yes.

Ophelia: So technically, he was make believe. An imaginary friend?

Zadie: That’s the one.

Ophelia: What are your thoughts on children with imaginary friends and teenagers with imaginary friends?

Zadie: You’ll find this on any site given if you chose to Google it. It’s completely natural for a child to have a make believe friend, you know, someone who they can blame for troubles, someone to someone to talk to if lonely and so on. Though with a teenager, I think there has to be a catch there. I think, to say this from experience, it would be, obviously someone who they really, really want and know they cannot have. There is a possibility somewhere in there but overall, it’s just a case of a secret, forbidden desire that is granted only in the mind. It doesn’t put a stop to there obsession? But it does ease the mind; it would put them at rest for some time.

Ophelia: A long time?

Zadie: I can’t say for sure. I could never really do it. My mind would be at peace for about five minutes then, tah-dah! He’s back. I don’t think it’s possible for a teenager with a strange obsession to hold it off for a long period of time. How long would you say?

Ophelia: A day?

Zadie: Then no. If so, it wouldn’t be a very strong obsession.

Ophelia: You mention the word obsession a lot.

Zadie: Yeah. I think it’s the only word powerful enough to describe my situation and anybody else’s like it. It makes perfect sense; it is after all an obession.

Ophelia: That grew slightly out of control for you?

Zadie: Yes Ma’am.

Ophelia: So continuing with your story, what was the next change errupting from this obsession?

Zadie: Well, I look back on it and laugh really but not long after, when the ‘imaginary friend’ was becoming a part of my life, I began to do a little more research. Unintentionally of course, I didn’t want for me to stalk him or anything but there was a part of me that worried about him. I felt he needed like, check up or something and whilst ‘checking up’ on him, if discovered something new.

Ophelia: Like?

Zadie: Hair cuts, updated Myspace, anything free and easy to find. It was general knowledge really, what I knew, I can gauruntee anybody else would have. Then after that I once made this stupid poster with all of the info on it so I wouldn’t forget it.

Ophelia: You forget things a lot?

Zadie: Yes. I want so desperately to become a writer but every brilliant idea comes and goes and its everytime I don’t have a pen and pad with me.

Ophelia: I sense some serendipity and maybe bad luck creeping up here?

Zadie: I suppose yeah, but I never really thought of it that way, like I’m -

Ophelia: Being punished?

Zadie: Haha, absolutely!

Ophelia: Do you think that might be a kind of warning?

Zadie: Yes, I do actually. I found that the littlest things became warnings, then later the warnings became more noticeable but they were unexplainable.

Ophelia: Unexplainable?

Zadie: Yes. They became more serious and dangerous but they were a mystery to me.

Ophelia: I’m intruged, what happened after the poster business?

Zadie: I was cheated a little when I continued my ‘research.’ I considered what happened next another kind of warning but this time it became a little bit more serious and what happened, what I did…

Ophelia: Yes?

Zadie: Was an accident, I was angry, I promise.