Candle in the Jar

It has been two days since Nurima lost her access to the internet. She has grown restless during the past two days – looking on the modem lights at every chance she gets. Sometimes she even picks up the phone in hopes that she would hear a dial tone. Everything would shatter into pieces as soon as the static noise of the dormant phone line would reach her hopeful ears. Nurima’s day darkens even more as she looks at the modem’s light – flickering and incomplete. One could say that Nurima has her own stormy cloud hovering over her head, pouring raindrop after raindrop of desperation. Her mother called to the company to seek assistance about this problem, and she has been told that the service will probably be gone for another two days. The arrival of this unfortunate news on Nurima’s ears just made her even gloomier. Her hopes of enjoyment are extinguished.

“What are you gonna do? You need to take your classes online yet you have no internet. You should go to the library or something and use a computer there,” Nurima’s mother suggested. Nurima did not respond at all, she is too preoccupied thinking about how she would deal with the lack of internet for the next two days. Her online class can wait, she thought. All she needs to do is to submit her final project and she would be done for the whole class. Yet none of these matters for her. All she wants is to be able to spend time with her boyfriend online.

“You need to do something, daughter. You need to try several options; you can’t just sit here and let the day pass. That’s not gonna do you any good for your class. How are you gonna tell the school that you have no internet?” her mother asked after Nurima ignored her first suggestion. She is watching her baby daughter, who is currently trying hard to get Nurima’s attention. Nurima just stared at her baby sister, her mind still thinking of how to cope with the temporary separation with her boyfriend.

“I… don’t know,” was all Nurima could say. She is too sad to think rationally. If only they did not change providers, she thought. She would not have been suffering like this.

“You can’t just say you don’t know. You need to do something,” her mother replied. Nurima just sighed as she gave up trying to think of ways on how to get online again. The rain is pouring hard and the blow of the wind is audible from the outside. She only has one idea of getting a temporary connection – an idea she was unsure whether it would work or not.

Nurima stood up and decided that she would head back to her room. She glanced again on the modem sitting on top of her mother’s computer and sighed deeply as she saw the incomplete lights on the modem. She walked out of her mother’s room with a heavy heart. On the way to her room, Nurima picked up the receiver of the phone located close to her room. She sighed again as she heard the expected absence of the phone’s dial tone.

Nurima stared at her laptop screen as she tried to think of what to do. She looked at her computer’s taskbar and saw the programs that she currently has open. She almost forgot about the game that she has been trying to complete for the third time. Nurima admitted that she is getting tired of it, as the game became easier for her each time she finishes it. The lack of activities to do forced Nurima to go back on playing the game again. After a few minutes of playing, Nurima took a break to think about things again. She is seriously getting bored of the game. She evaluated her options as she stared on the ceiling. She can start working on the short story she has been trying to write, or she can start rewriting the draft of what Nurima hopes to be her first book. She can also start recording for her segment on a podcast or she can just stay bored and play solitaire instead. Nurima shook her head as she dumped each of her ideas to the trash can.

Out of ideas on what to do, Nurima decided to just type out a message to her boyfriend to enlighten him of her thoughts during the internet outage. She went ahead and typed the day and time inside a bracket and proceeded with the rest of her message.

“[Saturday 4 PM] Spam for you. Still internet-less obviously. I don't know if you heard it from me yesterday before I d/c-ed but my shitty ISP/Phone/Cable Company is having 'problems' due to a tropical storm. My mom called this morning and she said that the phone/internet will be back by around Tuesday [which is probably the day that you're gonna be able to read this unless some miracle happens and the internet comes back before then]. I have exactly one more week before I move out. I want to enjoy this week but sadly I won't be able to until Tuesday or whenever the internet is back... I'm leaving Friday and I don’t know if I'll have internet there, Saturday is my moving date. I'm lucky if the apartment complex can give wireless internet, if not my own internet will probably be back either Monday or Tuesday of that week which is in September and the Tuesday is my first day. I don't really have much time left anymore. I miss you too much [Stupid company, this is only a tropical storm not a freaking tornado] I love you…”

Nurima felt a tingle of happiness after sending the message. The joy was too short and bitter; it left her even sadder as the happiness faded away. Her desperation grew even more as she wished again that they could communicate with each other using their cell phones. She regretted not asking her boyfriend for this option whenever internet communication is out of the question.

After minutes that seemed to have gone too slowly, Nurima gave in and played solitaire on her computer. She always plays this game whenever she is troubled. She played solitaire when she was contemplating of breaking up with her previous boyfriend, when she actually broke up with him, when she confessed her feelings to her current boyfriend, and whenever she is bored. Solitaire has become Nurima’s retreat lately. But even her own retreat did not help her much this time. Her spirit has been decimated. Nurima walked out of her room again and sat on the couch at the living room. It was then that she realized that she is hungry. She has not eaten anything since the previous night, and the aroma of her mother’s cooking really did its job of reminding her that she is hungry.

“How long till it’s done? I’m hungry… haven’t eaten anything since last night,” Nurima asked.
“A few more minutes, probably about ten to fifteen. Why didn’t you eat last night anyway?” her mother replied.

“I didn’t know what to eat.”

“You can’t say you don’t know what to eat when you start living on your own.”

Nurima almost forgot that she is about to live on her own in a few days. All these internet problems made her forget everything. Her mother has been pushing her to start packing up to make everything easier when it is time for her to move. Nurima still has not done anything, and she does not plan to do so until the internet comes back to her.

“I’m gonna make a broccoli and cheese casserole. Do you want some?” her mother asked. Nurima is looking for a good show to watch on the television, and released a sigh as she failed to find something that interests her. She decided to look on the list of movies to watch.

“Nah, if that was cauliflower I’d eat it,” Nurima responded while skimming over the list of movie titles available for watching.

“I have a pack of cauliflower in the freezer although it’s mixed with broccoli. If you want I’ll open that pack for you and separate the cauliflower so you can eat some. Want me to do it?”

“Sure,” Nurima answered as she resorted on watching a movie that she had previously seen. It was a movie made completely with computer-generated graphics; if the plot was not appealing to her she would not watch it.

The scent of the food from the kitchen made Nurima even hungrier. She tried to curb her hunger by drinking some water – a practice that has been taught to her by her late father since she was young. She went back to the living room and tried to watch the movie for a while.

“Food’s cooked. Go ahead and get some for you now if you want. I just put your boiled cauliflower in the microwave to melt the cheese. It should be done soon,” her mother announced. After a few seconds, her mother pulled out a small bowl from the microwave. “The cheese melted well. I’ll put this on the table.”

Nurima ate at the living room while watching the movie. She has watched the movie so many times already that she could follow along with the characters’ lines. She put away her plate on the sink as the movie finished, and headed back to her room again. She has been feeling a bit sleepy and decided to take a nap. Nurima woke up a few hours later, realizing that it is raining again. She rolled her eyes as she tried to think when the rain would end; after all, the rain was the main cause of her suffering right now. She walked out of her room and to the living room, spotting her baby sister on the floor. Nurima picked her little sister up and played with her for a bit before putting the baby back down on the floor, letting the child play with herself again.

“Hey Robert!” Nurima bellowed from the living room. She listened to the footsteps as her brother walked hurriedly to where she was.

“Yeah?”

“Wanna go with me?” Nurima asked her brother while cupping her left hand on her chin.

“Go where?”

“Drive around to look for an internet signal. I need that internet.” Nurima watched her brother’s face light up as Robert agreed in delight. She stood up and headed back to her room to prepare the laptop. She grabbed her backpack from the corner and in there she slid the laptop, as well as her keyboard and her headset microphone. She has made up her mind – she is going to look for an open internet signal and connect to it so she can talk to her boyfriend even just for a few minutes. Hearing his voice in the midst of all these crises would mean the world to Nurima.

“Here, carry this on your back. Be careful,” Nurima said as she handed the backpack to her brother. She headed towards her mother’s room. “The car has gas, right?”

“Yeah it still has a few. It should be enough,” her mother replied. “I believe there’s still a fourth of the tank.”

“Would it be enough for me going around the town?” Nurima asked, voicing her skepticism.

“Well, just put a few more in it anyway just to be sure. Here, use my debit card. You can put ten dollars, it should be enough. Bring your phone with you,” her mom said as she handed the card to Nurima.

“I have it with me. I’ll be back,” Nurima replied as she slid her mother’s card in her pocket while walking out her mother’s room. She motioned her brother to go outside and wait for her near the car. Nurima admired her own timing as she noticed how the rain had subsided for the moment as soon as she stepped out of the house. She inhaled deeply as she hoped for the plan to work. A glint of faint determination was visible on her eyes as she and her brother stepped inside her car. She took the backpack from her brother and pulled out her laptop. She rested it on her brother’s lap while waiting for it to turn on.

“I want you to look for internet signals for me while I drive around. Keep on clicking the refresh button and don’t ever stop. As soon as you see a signal that doesn’t have the locked symbol, let me know and I’ll try to find a place to stop. Double-click it while I find a place to park so we can connect. Remember to click refresh again as soon as you get the chance,” Nurima said as she performed all the preliminary setup for her computer’s idle state.

“We’re going to go fill up at the gas station first. Hopefully we’ll get a signal there,” Nurima added as she backed out of the garage. She drove slowly out of the yard because of the stickiness of the wet dirt. Nurima felt very hopeful as she drove out into the main road yet doubtful at the same time. What if she does not find an internet signal? What if her laptop’s battery dies before she can find a signal? She tried to think of going to the city’s only hotel and asking them if they can let her use the internet for free, after all she really does need the connection. Nurima abandoned the idea as her pride took over her.

Nurima and her brother arrived at the nearest gas station. “Keep on clicking and you know what to do if you find a signal,” Nurima reminded her brother as she stepped out of the car. She proceeded to pay for the gas at the pump – the main reason that her mother let her bring the debit card for payment. Nurima’s mind wandered off quickly as she waited for the numbers to reach ten dollars. It was almost too late when she got back to reality, and stopped the pump a little too late. The amount was three cents over her intended amount but Nurima ignored it as she always goes over a cent or two all the time. She released an inaudible grunt after realizing that she has to go inside the store to get a receipt.

“I got us connected to the internet,” her brother said as soon as Nurima got back into the car. “See, I opened your browser and your Skype is online.” Nurima became very happy upon hearing the news. She looked for a convenient spot to park while surfing on the internet.

“Aww, we lost it,” her brother said the moment Nurima moved the car to a vacant spot. She asked her brother to see if they can connect again, only to be responded by the unfortunate shaking of her brother’s head indicating that they had lost the internet signal for good.

“Oh well, let’s move on. We’ll find another one,” Nurima said, trying not to sound too hopeless. They have just begun, after all. There are still a lot of places to get an internet signal from.

“Prepare to do a lot of clicking again. We’re going downtown,” Nurima warned her brother as she prepared to turn towards the city’s business zone.

“We got three open signals, they’re pretty strong. Try to park over there at the next gas station,” her brother said. His voice was somewhat triumphant. Nurima pulled over and parked at the gas station which was immediately located after the turn she took. With renewed hope she tried and tried several times to connect to the signals, all of which disappeared one after another. With an extinguished spark yet again, Nurima drove back towards the road while making sure that her brother checks for internet signals.
“Still nothing,” her brother said every now and then. Nurima would just sigh.

“Oh wait wait, we got another open signal,” her brother exclaimed. Nurima turned to the pharmacy which was closest to her and parked there.

“Ok let’s try to connect,” Nurima said as she tried again to connect to the internet signal. After a few tries, she was happy to see that the connection has established. However, one thing puzzled her. The Skype logo on her taskbar did not change colors to indicate that she is online. Nurima tried to open up a webpage on the browser. She then concluded that the owner of the signal must have the same company after her internet browser remained blank. “Boo, that’s alright. I know another place where we’re sure to get a signal.”

With her remaining hope still trying to survive inside her, Nurima drove towards the place where the city’s only hotel is located. She asked her brother every now and then if they had gotten a signal, only to be returned by her brother’s “no”.

“We should be able to get a signal soon, prepare to click,” Nurima warned her brother as she approached a street light. She then moved to the right, where she needs to turn in order to pass through the hotel’s street. Nurima’s hope was at its highest as she passed the hotel – the only place she knew that would and should have an open internet signal.

“Nope, nothing,” her brother said while clicking. Nurima was surprised. How could they not get a signal from the hotel? For several times, Nurima was able to get a signal from various inns and hotels when she traveled with her stepfather. How can she not get that signal? Her puzzlement tempted her to turn around and beg the people in charge to let her use the internet. She has got to talk on Skype, she thought. Yet Nurima’s pride stood in the way again and she abandoned the idea altogether.

“We’re gonna go to Wal-Mart. We should be able to get a signal there,” Nurima said as she decided to try her last resort. She is confident that she will get a signal there, after all she worked at one of the small stores near Wal-Mart and she knows that the store has a router. “Prepare to do some clicking again,” she warned her brother as she turned at Wal-Mart’s parking lot.

“Nothing,” her brother said as soon as she finished circling around the whole lot. Nurima was astounded – a place packed with several business establishments and not a single internet signal. She could not believe it. A city without a single hotspot location. Her mission’s failure made Nurima wish that they had not changed their residence. A thousand other wishes rushed into her mind as she tried to absorb reality. Her last remaining hope vanished and quickly despair took its place. She knew this idea would fail. Yet she had to try it; she will do anything just to steal a chance in hearing her boyfriend’s voice again.

“Let’s just go home,” Nurima was finally able to break her speechlessness. She looked differently now, different from what her face looked like before they started their trip. She drove in an irregular manner – a first time for her. Nurima’s mind was filled with so much grief it could not focus on driving.

“I’ve got one more idea. We’ll go back to the first gas station and park there so we can get the signal we got earlier,” Nurima announced as the idea hatched from her. The initial hope has been reborn. She tried to contain her excitement as she pulled the car to a stop after occupying a parking space.

“Go ahead and click, I’ll prepare my headset. I need to call Cen and tell him what’s wrong,” Nurima told her brother as she reached to the backseat for her backpack. She pulled the headset out and tossed the backpack aside.

“There’s no signal anymore,” her brother said.

“Try it again,” Nurima replied while trying to keep her only hope from vanishing. She held on as she watched her brother try to look for that only internet signal that could change her mood for several days. There is no way she is letting go.

“It doesn’t show here anymore, it’s gone,” her brother finally said. His words were a blow to Nurima. She looked blankly on her laptop as her last fragment of hope slip away from her hand. Why does this have to happen? What have she done to deserve this? Had she not suffered enough in the past to experience this? Two long days of nothing but the longing of hearing her beloved’s voice again. Two long days of struggle, a struggle of which she is unsure of enduring.

“We should head home. Turn it off now, it’s almost out of power. We’ll just try again tomorrow,” Nurima said. She tried very hard to make a new hope sprout from her grieving heart. Tomorrow, she thought. The day that she will try to conquer. The day that Nurima will hear her beloved’s voice again.