Shut Up!

Have you ever heard the whispers in your head
Ever wonder what's being said
Do they ever start screaming
So loud that your ears are bleeding
Temporary happiness is like waiting for the knife
I'm always waiting for people to show their darker side
The voices in my head warned me that I was getting in too deep
But I pushed them away when I laid down to sleep
They won't be deterred
From them I must learn
No matter how loud I shout
No matter how I try to shove them out
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
Just let me have my fun!
I don't want to care for him
I don't want the rules to bend.
This is his game
I'm only fitting my pieces into the lanes.
He made his bed
Now he has to live with all the lies that he said
But I wonder what spell it is that he has cast over me
Why won't his demons let me be?
Do you get joy out of lifting me up to heaven
Just to drop me down the line, unforgiven
I gave you my worst, all the bad that could be found
I tested you to the limit just to see if you'd stick around
I never expected you to say that I'm beautiful
I never wanted to break the rules.
My conscience keeps screaming
My ears are bleeding
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to be your whore!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
Why couldn't you let me have my fun?
Congratulations, add another innocent to your list
Take advantage of my short lived bliss.
I wait for hours just to read your words
But what I really want most is not to be hurt.
I feel the need to cry
But I don't think I can and I don't know why.
I want to die
I don't want to continue with this lie.
If you only knew the truth
With me, you'd be through.
The more I think about it, the more it hurts
The more you fall for "me", the more I hate "her"
If you read this, you wouldn't understand
But that's okay, that was my plan.
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
I'm tired of this so called "fun"
This emptiness I hide so well
The facade I kept, it fell
The deception I weaved
You were captivated, you believed.
But I was ensnared into my own lies
Into the evil I was fighting, into eyes.
You tell me you see into my soul
That I'm your heart, that I'm beautiful.
Oh please! I know better
I have you figured down to every dot of every letter!
Shut up...
Shut up...
Shut up...
I feel guilty enough.