Lonliness

                      LONELINESS


What is loneliness:

Is the true definition of loneliness mean you wake up in the morning you turn over in your king-size bed and see nothing but the bedding in its many shades of colour and the other pillow which once was habited.

You wake up and reach out for that warmth that was once there and now is absent in your life, was it the warmth of a partner you once loved. Then you think oh well never mind and memories and mental pictures cruise through your mind of what was once there and now it is not.you can smell the scent on the pillow but the source is no longer there.

Is loneliness walking to the kitchen making coffee, then you look at the plate rack beside the sink and see two of everything, why have you not put things away as there is no need for two of everything any more, or have you left them there for a reason, are you still living a past memory.

Is loneliness switching the TV on and looking at the TV but not really seeing anything, looking around your room but only you are present.you can sit in the armchair and look at the Sofa and see imaginary pictures and memories of what was once there.

Is loneliness going to the market buying and paying but now you carry everything you reach for a bag and say I will carry that then you realise you dont know this person sorry you say. Once before you might say shall we have this or that, do you want this or that but now you speak to yourself in your mind. You are walking through the market and eyes are looking because they know you are a regular shopper there, there thinking where is that other person, you just look and smile and cancel out your thoughts of what they are thinking.

The drive home after shopping is lonely,you can see other couples passing by, thoughts flood your mind of how it once was. Unpack the car put shopping away, then you realise why did I buy two of them there is only one now.

During the day you visit friends to break up the loneliness

Go to the local bar at night have a couple of drinks talk to mates and for a while that loneliness goes away, you watch the world go by as you  sit and drink, but your thinking these folks are lucky they will go home to something, you cancel out the thought that you will leave the bar soon and once again embark on that lonely journey, but now you have had a drink or two and your mind is more active with thoughts.

So another day ends just the same as the day before and tomorrow will be the same as today. You think sleep when I sleep I will not think, but the same bed is there and that colourful bedding and the scent on the other pillow, then you drift away into deep sleep not wanting to think about tomorrow.

While you were typing your thoughts, in the background Dire Straits concert was playing on the Tv, then the concert finishes you turn it off, now you can here the wall fan and birds singing outside, the rain has stopped, there is the very distant noise of passing traffic on the main road: you thoughts are well I am not really alone I have the fan the birds the Tv and my mates and memories, but at the same time your thinking this is just an excuse covering up your loneliness.

Everyone at some point in there life has been lonely,each individual deals with it in different ways, for sometime now I have thought about writing my thoughts on different subjects well maybe this is a beginning: Some may find my writings boring in the future, maybe its my way of creating a foundation in my life or another interest or hobby writing maybe be my fortay in the future I dont know.


And so another day begins: