Fat Handyman: Part 2

TRAINING

      Trade-work came easy to Doug.  He kicked himself for not joining Todd in the first place.  Then again he would never have had that wicked year of college. He felt proud of himself in his new role.  The work came much quicker to him than to the other students.  Outside of sports Doug had never experienced being head of the class before.

    Fitness-wise he began lifting weights again.  He coupled the extra work with even more grub.  Heavy weights with heavy portions.  Doug didn't bother with cardio or cutting.  He went to class and kicked ass then followed it up with big weights.  Two big burgers, with two larger fries, two large sodas, and a large ice cream became his average lunch.  On a hungry day he might add even more to the list.

    Months later he passed at the head of his class with an extra 30 pounds.


LEARNING THE ROPES

    When Doug began his first day he was dressed in a pair of jeans and a tank-top covered by a plain gray dress-shirt.  The jeans were a size too tight (40 in) and his belly would poke out if he raised his arms.  It turns out Doug wasn't underdressed after all.  His boss was universally known as Fat Arny.

    He was entirely surprised when he first met Arnold.  The man was already way over 600 pounds and blubber gushed over his tool belt on every side.  He had black hair and a goatee that seemed to accentuate his jowl more than hide it.  The man caught him staring and hauled his bulk out of the overloaded couch he was lounging in.  His arms were flabby looking, but biceps bulged outward as his arms pushed.

"Hello there!"  the man boomed.  "You must be Doug."  He shook Doug's hand in a wicked vice-grip, which he followed up by grabbing Doug's arm so hard it nearly bruised.  "Big guy huh?  Good.  I'll put those arms to use."

"Its...good to meet you," he stammered.

    The big man laughed and clapped him on the back so hard Doug was sure he felt his shoulder pop.

"Call me Fat Arny.  Now!  Lets get you geared up.  You can use my old tool-belt.  That should hold ya."

    It didn't occur to Doug that Arny's old belt was much much smaller than the one he wore at the time.  Still it was loose on him, so he tightened it up as far as it went and hung it lazily off the one hip as it sagged over the other.

    Arny worked alone but occasionally had a trainee, like Doug, to help out.  Arny also knew nearly every other handyman in the state.  It was common to run into other repairmen of different specialties when they worked.  Ripped shirts, torn sleeves, beer guts, plumbers' cracks were universal traits.  It goes without saying that big, bulky , hardworking men, who work up a sweat 6 days a week have hearty appetites.  Arny was clearly a big eater, and was an unabashed glutton.  Doug fit right in.

    That first day, Doug was ravenous.  Arny laughed when he heard Doug's belly grumble.  He told Arny to show his belly.  Doug complied and exposed his chubby tummy.  Arny hauled him over and poked his little belly.  He let out a shill whistle and waved over the nearest waitress.  He patted Doug's belly and hollered "fill'er up!"  He sat down, embarrassed, but Arny started shoving grub in his direction before he could tug down his shirt.  Now Doug was treated to the best meal of his life with his new friend.  Soon piles and piles of expensive food were around him and he couldn't resist.  They both ate so much that night they had to lean on each other to struggle out of the place.  They were too full to do much work after that.

    The work was hard, but rewarding.  Doug's body grew stronger than ever, his arms actually ripping through his sleeves.  But his appetite grew at the same pace.  Arny's regular meal was 5 or 6 burgers with all the extra's, so Doug didn't think twice when he added a 3rd meal to his regular lunch.  Soon he was up to 260 pounds and was filling out his brand new 42's.  Months later he added a 4th meal as well as another 20 pounds.  His hunger was so strong he became the type of power-eater you occasionally see spending three hours at a buffet.  The kinda guy you see cramming forkful after forkful into his mouth, before even swallowing in a monster gulp.  His haste to fill up often had him grunting to inhale more, gasping after the gulp, and belching even as he pulled up the next morsel.  Your average folk were often put off by his very gluttonous displays, but he had already come to terms with himself.  Of course having a boss over 600 pounds did nothing to discourage this type of behavior.  Arny acted even worse!

    The two of them got into many gluttonous escapades.  There was the little old lady whose fridge had gone bad and all her food was going to spoil.  After fixing the fridge Doug parked his own padded bottom next to Arny's bloated ass (which hung off both sides of the old chair he was sitting in) stuffing their faces with the old lady's food.  Apparently she was a frequent customer and, being from the old world, was concerned Arny wasn't getting enough to eat - and the food would have gone bad anyway.

    Arny often treated Doug to decadently indulgent feast of lavish dishes: Alaskan king crab, lobster from main, ribs, mashed potatoes with gravy,  corn on the cob, and cheesecake, pudding, and a banana split - all at the same meal.  He ate these fantastic meals with Doug all the time.  Arny never stopped talking, even while he ate.  He told stories of insane clients, drunk craftsmen, grisly accidents, and other anecdotes.  Doug was content to listen and eat.  Arny had taken an immediate liking to his protege, seeing a younger Arny in the growing lad.

    Soon Fat Arny started riding in the back seat to give them both some room.  Doug  was unable to see past Arny's ocean of fat since it was so big it rested on the dashboard!  Soon Arny was so fat he needed Doug's help hauling himself in and out of the van.  After another month or so, barely able to squeeze himself in the van, he decided to pass the torch.

"Well, my friend - burp - I think I'm a little too fat to be very handy any more." 

He was lying on his back in the van and he slapped his stomach and giggled as waves sloshed back and forth.

"You're not that fat,"  Doug lied with a grin.
"I got weighed at a truck stop last week.  Guess how much."
"Hmm... 7...40?"
"830 pounds!"
"WHOA!"
"I know I can't go on a diet.  I'd rather just retire."

    Doug could not dissuade him.  Arny was after all in his late 50's and had plenty of money set aside.  He planned to settle into a quiet corner of Alaska and build himself a homestead.  Arny had a wife, but his kids had already grown up.  He planned to busy himself building and crafting a new life in the beautiful landscape.  The fact that its always cold up there influenced his decision.  The main reason Arny left so much of his corpulence hanging out was because he always felt hot and sweaty.  His new home would keep him busy enough to keep him mobile, too.

    It was hard to say goodbye to such a great friend, but they maintained a constant correspondence of phone calls and e-mails.

    In truth, Arny had been trying to cut back a bit to stop gaining weight before Doug started.  But he hadn't had an eating buddy in so many years he just let himself go, and the weight started piling on!  Arny was quick to make Doug his partner in his business.  Doug was mostly unaware of how much weight Arny, or even himself, was putting on.  Arny knew when he had to raise the steering-wheel and move back the seat that at his pace he'd soon be too fat to do his job, let alone drive.  Tight corners were becoming harder to navigate and stairs were a regular bitch.  He loved his job, and had a great time with his new partner, but he was getting too old and much too fat lately.  By the time Arny retired Doug was over 300 pounds and his toolbelt was actually getting snug.  After Arny's huge retirement party he gave the business, as well as bigger toolbelts to Doug, with his best wishes.

    After Doug went home from the party he tried on the toolbelt.  He was shirtless so he really noticed the big puffy lovehandes, hefty butt, and totally awesome belly hanging out farther than anything else.  He didn't really know how much weight he had gained.  Somehow he didn't feel bad about it.  He loved to eat and didn't mind being big, so he sorta tweaked his mental self-image and continued packing the pounds away.


BACK TO THE PRESENT...

    Doug belched and shifted in the back of the van.  He rubbed his blubbery form.  He checked his watch and realized he had spent enough time relaxing.  He also realized that while his mind had been wandering, his stomach had digested some of that mastodon-sized-meal he had ingested not 45 minutes ago.  Just enough that he could pack a little more in there.  Grunting, he leaned forward to snatch a half-full box of Twinkies.  He greedily unwrapped them all and hammered each one down.  Belly full again, he began working to get out of the truck.  It wasn't exactly easy.  He was huge now, for one.  The main problem was the belly/belt conflict.  The belt always seemed to slip off in the back, exposing his underwear, while his massive spare tire worked from the top to help push it down.  It was a constant struggle just to stay dressed. 

    After he lurched out of the van he caught his draws just before they fell to the ground.  It took him a moment to get everything back together.  His ass was big and round and wasn't helping.  Finally, glut over, he could tighten everything back to normal; blubber gushing out in all directions.  He lumbered back into the van to drive back to the job site where he left his protege to do the dirty work.  He growled as he hauled himself in, and it wasn't just the effort that frustrated him.  He thought back to what the boy that was supposed to be save him headaches, not cause them.


THE TWERP
   
    Doug's reputation had grown with his soft belly.  All of Fat Arny's contacts and clientele had seen Doug's skill firsthand, so the transition for them was easy.  They all accepted Doug's continual fattening as they had his mentor's.  Doug's cup overflowed with work.  He often worked with Todd and Kris.  The years had evened the boys out.  Kris's extra work had made him a bit more fit.  Todd, however, had never learned to control his appetite.  Without the time to workout his body blew up.  They looked like twins nowadays!

    After a few years of working solo Doug had more work than he could handle, even with the help of his buddies.  His food intake was more than ever, but he was so overworked that his gain had actually slowed down just shy of 400 huge pounds!

    It finally occurred to him to get an apprentice of his own to help out.  He had hoped for a student like himself:  good with tools, strong, and maybe a big eater too.  But what he got was a twerp. 

    The apprentice Doug was given was Jake.  Jake showed up his first day in a brand new Gap shirt and designer jeans.  His hair was gelled up and he was wearing way WAY too much Axe spray.  Although Jake wasn't exactly good looking he dressed and acted like a pretty boy - a reed-thin pretty boy.  First impressions are lasting impressions...

Doug was munching happily on a donut when the young man first came in.

"What's up, whats up, big guy?  Better cut down on those donuts!"  Jake said as he gave Doug's belly a pat.  Doug frowned as he finished his bite.
"So where's the boss, buddy?"
"You're looking at him."

Jake starred blankly at him, paying close attention to the fact that half Doug's belly was hanging out over his toolbelt.  "Oh."

"Is that what you're wearing to the site?"

"Yeah."

"You do know that we're painting today, right?

Jake looked down at his shirt, uncomprehending.  "I know."

So Doug ate the rest of the donuts while glaring at the awkward boy who wouldn't or couldn't take his foot out of his mouth and apologize for the earlier insult.

And then there was Jake's competence...

"Alright Jake.  We're painting today so grab a roller and we'll get started."
Jake took a dry roller, holding it by the brush-end.  "Um...how does it work?"
Doug blinked at him. "You're joshing me, right?"
Jake stared blankly at the tool.  Doug grabbed the handle and demonstrated how to use it.
"Oh.  I gotcha.  Cool!"

Jake was entirely splattered in paint by the end of the day.

And his skill with tools...

"I need to rewire the lighting in the main bathroom, so I need you to unscrew the switch-plates and outlet covers."
"Um... which screwdriver do I use?"
"They're all flat-heads."
Jake raised an eyebrow.
"Its the one with the FLATHEAD."
"Gotcha."
When Jake grabbed the Phillips-head anyway Doug actually slapped himself in the forehead.

    So Doug was not terribly impressed with his assistant.  They didn't talk much.  They had nothing in common.  Jake didn't know anything about sports and he only listened to the same recycled pop music that was called "fresh," while Doug liked Rock.  The first few months were one headache after another as Jake actually impeded completing work.

    After the fundamentals of common sense were established Doug started leaving Jake to take care of the dirty work, while he went to lunch.  It first felt weird, going to lunch while leaving his numskull unsupervised, but the boy hardly ate anything, and was never hungry when Doug was.  So Doug would leave the nasty, simple tasks to Jake - like unclogging a toilet or cleaning out a burnt oven.  Doug would splurge on a huge lunch and return to do the real work.  After a while as Jake became more autonomous, he actually started saving Doug loads of time, leaving Doug plenty of time to stuff his face and get drunk all afternoon and swing by at the end of the day to finish the hard stuff.

    Although they didn't get along well, Doug was able to train him...not in the traditional sense...more like the way one trains a dog or chimp.  Eventually Doug got Jake to the point where he would do nearly everything.  Luckily Jake wasn't the sharpest tool.  He did start learning what not to do and started wearing the right clothes, wearing less cologne and even less gel.

    That's when things really started looking up for Doug.  He was really making a killing thanks to Jake.  Five days a week Doug picked up a box of donuts, got Jake started, made an excuse to leave, and went to lunch with his buddies so he could act like a life-sized game of Hungry Hungry Hippos!

    So he ate, and grew, and guzzled, and grew, and chewed, chomped, and glutted, while getting fatter and fatter and fatter!  It didn't take him long to get to this point, weighing, if he cared to take the time, over 600 pounds!


FAT CAMPING

    Doug sort of eased his bulk out of the van and had to repeat the process of catching his shorts before mooning the world...and again as he waddled to the apartment...and again as he grunted his way up the stairs.  After he caught his breath he greeted Jake.

"Pretty good, kid.  I'll just move the fridge and stove and replace the outlets there and we'll be set."
"What should I do?"
"Clean the place up a bit, I guess."

Jake looked around and started picking bits of paper out of the carpet.

    Half an hour later Doug was pushing the freezer back in place when the freezer swung open.  A gallon of ice cream and half a chocolate cake had gotten warm while the fridge was unplugged.

    Doug couldn't resist!  He grabbed the treats and plopped them onto the coffee table in the living room and dropped his massive body onto the sofa.  He took a fork in one hand and a spoon in the other and began really scarfing it down!

"Um.. Boss?"  Jake squeaked.  But Doug couldn't hear him.  He wolfed down the whole thing while Jake watched slack-jawed. 

    Before Jake could speak up, Todd and Kris lumbered in and plopped themselves down on the remaining furniture.  They weren't as obese as Doug, but they were each over 400 pounds themselves.  It took them a while to recoup; they had just come back from a buffet and the combination of overeating and exertion had worn them out a bit.

Kris slapped his wobbly belly then asked "So.. you ready for three weeks of beer and junk food?"

Todd was merely grinning as he lay back shaking his belly in his hands.

"Oh yeah.  This is gonna be the best camping trip yet!  Uuurrrrrrppp!"

They all started their usual laughing and joking.  They could have carried on for hours, as they always did, but Jake actually made an effort to connect with them, for the first time!

"Um... can I come?"

They were too surprised to answer at first.

"You sure you wanna hang out with three drunken fat guys for three weeks?"

"Well yeah!  I mean... Its not like I have any thing to do."

"Ok.  We're off early Friday morning.  Lets head out and get packed."

    The trip down was unforgettable.  They took Todd's van down crammed with two tents, some lawn chairs, three suitcases and much, much more than three weeks worth of food.  Doug and Jake were in the backseat, while Todd and Kris were in the front.  In between bites of jelly donut they all laughed and joked.  Even Jake was having a good time for once.  No one really noticed that Jake was enraptured just watching three huge guys eat.  When they finally got to the campground the floor was covered in empty bags of chips and candy bar wrappers.

    Their site was perfect!  It was away from the other sites, but still close to a bathroom, which only they seemed to use, and it was only a short walk (or waddle) to the pool.  Of course Jake was useless in setting up the tents.  The boys worked up a good sweat setting up so they decided to go for a swim.  Somehow even seeing most of a really fat guy's belly (and usually a half-moon) every day couldn't prepare Jake for the sight of all three guys in their swim trunks.  Now he could see every curve, every roll, every wobble.  He had seen them shirtless before, but that was at least 60 pounds ago, each.  He felt seriously inadequate walking shirtless in between the three immense guys as the shoved and belly-bumped each other down the road.

    They had a great time at the pool.  They had the place to themselves so they could act like total asses.  They even had a hot tub.  After an hour or so they made their way back to camp to fill those bellies up!  Seeing three fat guys eating is much more impressive when they're shirtless!  With nothing to distract them, they ate all evening!

    Hours later, after plenty of booze and bellies packed with junk-food, the boys lumbered in to bed.  Todd and Kris bunked together in the one tent. They joked that since Doug was the fattest and Jake the slimmest, they should share the same bunk.

    The ground was lumpy and hard, so Jake had trouble sleeping.  Not the other guys though.  One of the advantages to having a big butt is always having a cushion under you!  So Jake had plenty of time to think and admire the huge mound sleeping next to him. 

    Before long Doug got up and waddled over to the cooler near the van.  He pulled out a soda, then closed it and plopped his massive ass down on it.  Jake spied curiously as Doug pulled open the door and started munching down even more snacks!

    When Doug was finally stuffed to the gills he grunted and plopped himself down next to Jake and started wobbling his fantastic belly.

That's when Jake told his tale.

"Doug, did I ever tell you about my family?"

Doug shook his head.

"I grew up on a farm out in the country.  My older brother ran the farm.  He was always bigger and stronger than me.  He liked to push me around and pick me up and stuff... Then there's my little brother... He's always been fat...now he's way fat.  All he does is eat! My older brother too!  I never really had many friends.  Everyone at my school kinda made fun of me for being a dumb hick."

After a while the silence became uncomfortable.  "That sucks but, why do you mention it now?"

"Well...I guess I kinda want your help," he mumbled.

"If you want me to beat up you're brother you're gonna have to tell me how big he is first."

"Its not that...mumble..."

"Say again?"

"I just wish...I were bigger than them...really bigger."

Doug laughed loud and long.

"Doug!  We're trying to sleep!"
"What's so funny?"

"Jake wants to gain a few pounds!"

    Once they were done laughing they sat Jake down and surrounded him with all the food he could hold, and every day they helped him eat more and more.  He barely moved an inch that whole trip.  It was hard for him, but they broke his metabolism in!

"Ugh... no more guys...ugh...I'm full"

"No room for one more hostess cake?"  Doug teased.

Jake licked the chocolate already coating his lips while cradling his belly.

"Think about it buddy.  How are you gonna get big if you don't show those handles some love?"

Doug wobbled his own bloated spare tire.  Jake snatched the treat and gobbled it down.  The guys cheered.

"I guess you're not a twerp after all, Jake."

Jake belched.  "Gimme some more of those, please.  They're so good!"

They cheered him again and brought him a full box.

When they finally left Jake's belly was too big to fit into any of his small shirts!