I can

I can’t remember much when I was a little. I have seen some videos of me when I was little. And boy was I a cutie. When I do watch them or see pictures, you’ll always notice a smile on my face. I love the past, it seems like everything was great, happy, and full of energy. I was happy. The best part is, I was having fun being me, my crazy self. Plus their was no pressure in doing the wrong things. But I wished for the future to come. Everyday I look forward, hoping the next day would be better. But it just makes me want it even more. I’ve dreamed of having a fairy tale wedding, with my love right beside me holding my hand, telling me everything is going to be great. Getting married on the beach in a sparkly white dress down to my ankles, with the soft wet sand beneath my toes. Listening to the waves come along shore. Beautiful horses running around, free to do anything they wanted. Children laughing and playing in the sands of time. But what they don’t know is their life is just beginning. They are going to go through so many problems in their life, and their going to feel like giving up, just how I feel. But maybe I need to stop dreaming and more of achieving my dreams, I need to get out their and make me shine. Every moment I have is meant for me and no one else, just me.

I try to live my life to its fullest that is if I could. And dreaming is part of it, and me. I’ve always wish of having the time of my life, and just having fun being me. Having a family who cares for me, as much as I care for them. And a boyfriend who loves me for who I am and not what people think. I been through a lot lately, I just need someone who can be their for me, and understand that it’s just not right that someone should go through this much pain of feeling alone. But I know that my dreams will never come true, but they are what keep me going, and I wonder if they will happen. I wanted the perfect life; it’s not that way is it?

My life is different. Full of different qualities that make me who I am today. If you know me, you know they aren’t the greatest, as I dreamed they should be. Have you ever felt as if you couldn’t do anything, forced to be something your not. People not accepting you for whom you are? Not getting to live towards your dreams, or getting to be with someone you love and care for so much. Not being able to share your own thoughts, when all you do is criticize them, when you could be relating to them. I just want something of mine and not anyone else’s, only me. But I’ve realized I only got me, I count on myself, to be the best. I don’t count on anyone else, cause their never their for me. My tears, my cries, my thoughts, everything I do, I do for a reason. I cry because I care, or because I’m hurt. I try as much as I can to have a smile on my face when you come around. You think I’m happy?? Try being in my shoes and see how you’ll feel! Yeah I laugh, play, and try to have fun, even though I wish I could every second. I try to show my sense of humor, but all you do is tearing them up. I don’t have much of one anymore; well I’m hurt, I’m wounded. Wounds that will never heal.

You might say she’s a nice girl, I am, at least I try to be, people actually tell me that I am way too nice. I’m always giving and I keep giving, but I get nothing in return. I’m their for you, I was always their , no matter if you were hated, hurt, I’m their, I don’t really care what someone says about you, I’m always the shoulder that you had, the shoulder that you could lean on. I was always their. Think about it, was you really their when I needed a shoulder, when I was down and felt like giving up???? I bet you’re a great person; in fact I know you are. Just think about the people you hurt lately….You never know they could be gone the next day, and all you left them was the memories of you so cruel to them. If you care. While your thinking think about how precious someone’s life can be, how beautiful it is when you see their smile.