the secret guard of gorilla's

Every town in England has a secret guard of Gorillas. They are fiercely loyal to the King, and they spend their time grooming, checking that nobody is doing things that the King might not like, and doing jigsaws.
Each of these activities are equally important to the members of Gorilla Guards, who have passed down their skills for centuries. Gorillas make exceptional guards because they are strong, fierce, and very clever. Nobody except me, you, and the King knows about the secret Gorilla guards. But in every town, they silently go about their work, protecting the Nation from the league of anti-monarchists and their dastardly plans.

But things are changing. There is a worldwide shortage of corners which is upsetting the careful balance of the gorilla’s daily routine. As every Jigsawnothologist knows, the corners are the most important part of any jigsaw, and without them, the Gorilla’s are finding it difficult to complete their jigsaws. Too many hours are being lost in vain attempts to arrange the disparate pieces into orderly rectangular arrangements. Some gorillas are almost totally un-groomed; their once-sleek fur now a raggedy mess of tangled split-ends. The gorilla salons at which the grooming is usually done are finding life hard. Appointments are drying up, and if things don’t change they risk sharing the fate of the blacksmiths and the arrow-makers, and all the other manual trades whose skills have vanished due to changing times.

Some think the league of anti-monarchists are responsible for the worldwide corner shortage. Others blame the recently unionised Chinese toy makers, who have been using corner pieces as bargaing chips in their relentless pursuit of better working conditions for the jigsaw workers of Ban Chai. Whoever is responsible, it is clear that the shortage is making the King nervous.

He has been pacing the corridors of his Palace, waiting for word from the secret Guard of Gorillas. Some might say that his wait would be less anxious if there were more people in on the secret - a problem shared is a problem halved after all. Perhaps the King only has himself to blame for his anxiety. If he hadn’t insisted on such secrecy, his footmen may be more useful to him. But at the moment, they are merely watching him pace up and down, and occasionally offering him a biscuit from the King’s impressive selection.

Right now, in every town, the many centuries of peace secured by the Gorilla’s presence are under threat. If by chance you awake in the middle of the night, listen to the silence, and you may hear a sound not heard in these parts before. You will wonder what it is at first, but keep listening; it is the unmistakable sound of hoary simian fingernails scraping irritably through matted locks of fur. It is a sound that has replaced the usual work of the secret guard of gorillas. These are worrying times for all of us.