Self-Fear

What makes fear real to us in our mind?
If we said "No" and closed our eyes, would it disappear?
How long have I been here without anything to eat?
What will my parents say if I don't come home tonight?
         The ceiling starts to raise and lets the warm sunshine splash upon my face…

I keep breathing so I shouldn't complain.
I can still feel pain and wonderment.
My eyes squint as the sun suddenly blinds me.
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, dehydrated.
         A bit of dirt falls into my coffin shaped home that was placed in the ground.

If the person hits me, will I have the energy to scream?
If I scream, will he hit me again?
Are we in an area I can run if I'm let back into the world?
Will this world still take a 'reject' such as me?
         The boy who was next to me doesn't move anymore…hasn't since last night.

My hand shields my eyes from the destructive sun.
I bite my tongue in worry and the blood tastes bitter.
Sight being given to me, but it's blind to me in the same second.
The sound of the wood ceiling being moved straining because of the weight on it.
         My four wall prison looks even bleaker than it did when I couldn't see at all.

Why did Laney push me off the swings at recess on Monday?
Do I still have to do the homework from these days I missed?
Is my mom going to be mad that my jeans ripped?
Why hasn't anyone come looking for me?
         The stranger reached down and lifted me from my death-filled cage.

His giant palm strangles my arm as he drags me to his van.
The odor that now chokes me is of cigarettes and not showering.
Bandanas gag my mouth to keep me from speaking or screaming.
I see him get rope when he leaves me a few yards from his van.
         His van is likely to be the last place I see unless someone saves me.

Are my legs so afraid of living that they won't work?
Can I claw his face or hit him in any way?
Did he cut his arm like my dad did working on his car the other day?
I wonder, does he have something to drink?
         I lie flat on my stomach as he ties my hands and feet together.

The fear starts to tense up my entire body.
He picks me off the ground and gently sets me in his van.
Opening a box, he pulls out a knife.
My vision is starting to get worse as tears fill my eyes.
         The man cuts my shirt off and runs the cold blade along my chest…

Why can't I go ride my bike down to the playground?
Where is my brother to protect me?
What is he gonna do with that big knife?
How come this is happening to me?
         I bite the bandana as he pierces me with it…it hurts so much!

He wouldn't listen when I told him I was sorry.
I didn't do anything wrong and I was only playing in the sandbox.
This is what real pain is, abandonment.
No one cares enough to want me now with this hole in my chest.
         As the sirens get closer, the man looks up and drops the knife. He is running away.

Are they here to save me?
Will I be okay?
Who are these people?
Can I trust them to help me?
         I cry. I don't know what to do so I stay still and cry and bite the bandana.

I hear one of the man yell and the one running stops and turns around.
They tell him to go down to his knees and he does.
Someone has found me and they are untying my hands and feet.
I feel someone pushing on my chest as I lie on a bed with wheels.
         A police officer walks to the man, puts cuffs on him, and walks him near his squad car.

What about the other boy?
Is he alright?
What are they doing to me?
"Save the other one too. Please?"
         My mouth has been saved from fear. I hope he is alright…

They are now wheeling me towards the ambulance with flashing lights.
I look at the guy who did this to me and stare.
With my last breath I saw...why did daddy do this to me?