How to lose everything and love fully. |
Chapter 1 I once had a friend. She was happy. She seemed happy. She had never taken life seriously, she only wanted to have fun. She had lost her Mom when she was four, the poor girl. But she learned to live with her past. She learned to live with no regrets at all. Her name was Terry. I remember the evening we smoked pot for the first time. It was hot and sticky outside, clothes hanging from your body at every time of the day. We were sitting in an apartment that night. It had belonged to her Dad. The TV was on, noises and jingles always announcing the commercials. We weren't listening. We weren't tired, either. Just wide awake, staring at the walls, trying to find a spot on them. I didn't move when she got up and walked away. I didn't look after her. When she came back, I did the same. Just sit there and stare. I had finally found a spot on the wall when she turned to me again. She lit a cigarette. I didn't notice the unusual smell until a breeze from outside carried the smoke to me. It was an intriguing smell, interesting. Something different. I looked at her. At the girl I had known for so long now. "Wanna try?" The question was so innocent, so simple. Little did I know, that it was a step into a miserable and painful part of my life. I nodded and took the cigarette from her delicate little hands. When I saw what it looked like, I understood that this was a joint. My hand shook. She didn't see. I breathed in the smoke - took a deep breath, held it in and finally let it out, relaxing my muscles. It was something I had seen before, but never tried. It had a different taste. I liked it though. It was something new. Repeating my movements from before, I took another breath. My muscles relaxed, I closed my eyes and handed it back to Terry. I could see the smile on her face, without even looking at her. I just listened to the TV, the voices, that suddenly sounded so friendly, the jingles and the music, that sounded so great and just beautiful, like a piece of art. Sometimes I took another breath, inhaling and exhaling deeply. I enjoyed the evening, falling into a deep slumber that night. |