High School Romance For Dummies

The corridor sits, deserted; the only movement a piece of paper fluttering beside a rusted air conditioning vent. Muted noises whisper from behind closed doors. A harsh bell sounds out suddenly, cutting viciously through the silence. Doors open, pouring out wave after wave of over-caffeinated high school students into every crevice of the hall. The drone of hundreds of simultaneous voices makes inexperienced heads spin.
         “Did you hear? Jason broke up with Mariah! And I totally saw him kissing Ashley today after 4th period!”
         “No way! They were like, totally in love!”
          The high school relationship is the epitome of confusion for many adults. The buildup, the common misuse of the term “love,” and the all-too predictable breakup bewilder those lacking the inconceivable amount of hormones found in the teenage body. The process occurs in a number of easily recognizable steps, starting with the beginning of an end to sanity: entering high school.
         The morning bell rings on the first day of the brand new school year. On this day, nicknamed “freshy day” by a few select upperclassmen, students new to high school have a chance to get used to their surroundings before getting mauled by the upperclassmen. It is also the day where all hell breaks loose in the world of romance. Packs of 14 and 15-year old boys stroll through the halls, enough testosterone raging through their scrawny figures to fuel an army, on the lookout for high school “hotties.” Similarly, groups of giggling girls stand by their lockers; applying mascara and sparkly lip gloss in handheld mirrors; those seeking extra attention also having donned their low-cut shirts and outrageously short miniskirts for the occasion. The hunt for a “hook-up” is on.
         Several days into the new year and the students are getting well-acquainted with their new surroundings. A pretty blonde girl (or is that just hair dye and makeup?) sits down at her desk in a third period English class. Suddenly a voice calls out from beside her, requesting a pencil, please, if she has one to spare. She turns towards the voice, extra pencil in hand. Looking up, she is dazzled by a brilliant smile and gorgeous blue eyes. She stutters out a, “Here you go,” and turns quickly, blushing, towards the front of the room. “Thank you,” he replies, “And, by the way, my name is Derek and I’ve seen you in a few of my other classes.” She replies, still blushing, introducing herself as Nicole, Nikki for short. The introductory phase is completed; now the courting can begin.
         High school courting is a strange and complex process to outsiders who are unfamiliar with the rules. An example of this is the law that one is only allowed to look at their intended mate as long as the latter is not looking at them; as soon as eyes meet, one must look away, pretending they were not staring at all. Equally important is the rule against saying anything outright. Subtle hinting is the key to a high school courtship. For example, our aforementioned Nikki may be allowed to tell Derek that she likes ‘someone’ and is almost sure that this ‘someone’ likes her too, but is forbidden from actually telling him that he is indeed the ‘someone.’ This beating-around-the-bush style of flirting is often accompanied by shy waves to each other in the hall and sending giggling friends to the other party inquiring as to whether they are interested. Daring individuals will respond to this inquiry with a “yes” or “no,” while the more bashful type will reply, “maybe, if they asked me.” The friend will then report back to his or her respective party, giving news to either frustrate, over joy, or devastate them.
         Once both parties are assured that they are, in fact, the other person’s ‘someone,’ the detailed process of ‘asking out’ the other individual is begun. Often times this gutsy task is assigned to the male party, who will either take the risk and win a date or back out and lose his opportunity. Common ways of starting a relationship in modern times include a text message of “wud u wanna go out w/ me sumtime?” or maybe an instant message of “will u be my gf?” The more romantic type might even go through the trouble of asking his intended to wait for him after class and make the even gutsier move to ask her in person. Either way he goes about it, the results could still vary. Should the girl change her mind about him and answer ‘no,’ he is allowed a grieving period of a day or two, depending on the situation, and then is expected to resume the process from step one. Should his intended agree to be his, they are now an ‘official’ couple and may go about doing the things that couples do.
         The new-and-happy couple stage is arguably the happiest step of the process to a high school romance. The couple has been together for a few weeks tops, not yet having time to get in a real argument. At this point in time they are inseparable, clinging to each other during every passing period (to the disgust of many surrounding individuals) and enjoying a multitude of fun and romantic dates, separated by hours spent on the phone saying nothing in particular when cruel fate causes them to be apart. This stage is accompanied by the creation of vomit-inducing, all-too-sweet pet names such as “snuggle bunny” or “schnookums.” At this time, the couple can go one of two ways in the opinions of their friends. Either they will be graced with those that are in love with love itself and think they are the cutest thing ever, or they will be stuck with those that want nothing to do with them when they are together. This does little to change the actions of the couple, however, as they are too engrossed in each other to care what outsiders think.
         After the sickeningly happy couple stage, things can do little but go downhill. Next up comes the introduction of jealousy and doubt into the relationship. Take our example of Nikki and Derek again. Say they made it to the happy couple stage and have been together for about a month now. Nikki might start to notice things like Derek’s multitude of female friends that all seem to be thin, blonde, and absolutely gorgeous. He might spend an evening out with his buddies instead of on the phone with her and make her wonder if he isn’t getting bored with her. Derek, on the other hand, might see other good-looking guys trying to initiate conversation with Nikki. He might get a hold of her cell phone and wonder who Brad is and why he called her last night. The doubt and jealousy experienced by each side during this stage is kept quiet from the other, and usually only noticed by a lack of sickeningly cute behavior.
         Brought on by the increasing tension built up by jealousy and doubt, the next stage of a typical high school romance is one of repeated petty arguments and making up. A couple in this stage may argue about not spending enough time together, give each other the cold shoulder for a day or so, and then make up, apologizing profusely to one another, and then enjoy a few days in blissful happiness until the next argument arises over something even less worthwhile, such as a call made later than expected. The frustration built up from this continuous fighting and reconciling sets the stage for the next and most critical point of a high school romance: the big fight.
         One can relate this stage of a relationship to blowing up a balloon. You can only stretch it so far until it explodes in your face. Each consecutive small argument adds a little bit more tension until one final thing takes it over the top. It could be as simple as arguing over where to go eat dinner, leading to the point that he never lets her have her way, leading to an argument over one being a control freak and one having no backbone, leading to the idea that maybe they just shouldn’t be together anymore. At this point, let us take the time to consider the rare high school couple that can get past this point and stick together through the rough times. These couples come along only once in awhile, but they are the ones who have matured to a more adult state of mind and know that relationships are not always wine and roses. For the most part, however, this is the end of the typical high school couple. The once-blissful relationship ends in bitter terms, causing each individual’s respective cluster of friends to be pitted against each other in respect for their comrade.
         The break-up of a high school couple often results in hopes of “staying friends” to prevent anyone being stuck in an awkward situation. This usually ends up backfiring and results in very awkward social gatherings in which the individuals that were once a couple stay as far away from each other as possible. If promises to remain friends aren’t made, the ex-couple usually ends up bitterly despising the other person and everything associated with them. The individuals will then go their separate ways and begin the process from step one with a new mate.
         So goes the story of the run of the mill high school couple, minus the few that will end up working out, or at least give it a long run. Forever an obscurity to adults who have forgotten the ritual from their own high school days, the teenage romance will continue its pattern for ages to come.