Random Thoughts

Ever feel empty inside? Emotionally. Funny thing about emotions, sometimes you don’t believe they exist until you realize you don’t have them anymore. It is possible to become so lethargic that you run out of tears. Sadness can become so overwhelming you have nothing left. But its not just sadness that sucks out your internal desire to create a good mood in yourself and others. Some would say depression is linked to lacking emotions, but can depression be called a state of being? Or is it merely a created state to describe what we think is happening but is really just our minds imperfections becoming extremely altered and unbalanced? Depression should not be a medical term. Sure I get down in the dumps. I have my bad days. Does that mean I need to see a so-called medical expert to tell me why I have these dreams and thoughts and feelings? Do I need some prescription drug to work my thoughts out for me? Should I have to pay to get this help I apparently need? What’s wrong with thinking? Why shouldn’t I think about death? Why cant I ponder suicide? Why shouldn’t I be amused by our imperfections? Why? What’s so special about YOU? You think your thoughts are normal? Define normal. Is normal a form of conformity? Because there is a production industry making magazines, do I have to read them? Because people need a place to sit, should I buy chairs? Of course everyone must follow some conformity otherwise our world would be more chaotic than it already is. We all breathe and eat and sleep. However random we choose to do them. We all transport ourselves somehow. We all have a family whether we choose to be a part of it or not, we all originated in the same place. From the same act. But what we choose to do from the moment we taste oxygen on is based on what? Morals? Values? Beliefs? Attitude? Personality? Upbringing? Peers? Society? Media? Is there an answer? We are influenced by all of the above. Unless you had a labotamy, you were born with a heart and feelings. Our feelings experience highs and lows. Negatives and positives. Hurts and recoveries. This is a part of learning and development. Either we learn how to deal or we learn how to prevent. By learning how to handle and somewhat control your emotions you become a different being. You grow in a way your parents never told you about. Oh sure, they mentioned something about hormones and hair growing in new places but I bet they didn’t tell you about how your emotions would change. When an emotional incident occurs. “a big deal” or “a tragedy” your emotions will become so overwhelmed they take the path of least resistance. This likely means crying, bad temper, seclusion, etc. whatever you were taught as a child was healthy and/or normal. If your dad swore and threw a teapot across the room, you may be likely to respond to an upsetting situation in the same manner. If you ever walked in on your mom crying, your likely to see that as a healthy solution. If your older brother ever got mad and belittled you or bullied you either through violence or verbally, unfortunately you are likely to take that path. Because you know it. Its been beaten, you’ve seen other people deal that way, so why cant it work for you? Other people are always wrong. They aren’t you and they are not facing the same circumstances as you. No doctor no psychologist no brain surgeon could ever have one good way to deal with your emotions. Sad but true. Forming an identity does matter. You must chose for yourself what you want and why. The latter is the more difficult of the two. Will I choose to be in a situation because of my beliefs? Will I choose to avoid a situation because I have morals and values? Will I allow my peers to persuade me into doing what they think is right? Will I simply follow my parents path and make most of the same decisions they made? Will I let society tell me what the world needs? Who do you trust? Obviously the simple answer would be, ‘I can really only truly trust myself’. But who are you? You don’t know yet. So. Here it is. The big decision. I need to find myself. So as of now, I cannot trust myself. Who will I allow into my life to influence my decisions? Education. I should be educated. The more I know about my peers the more I will know about how trustworthy they are. The more I know about society and the past the more I will know about what worked and failed. If I really listen to my parents and their experiences I will gain their wisdom about achievements and failures.  Once you know about everything your decision should be clear. If its not, then define what you think normal is. You. As a human being you hold the right to be called normal. Your just like me. Your just like every other human. Only you are unique. Just like every other human. Everyone has an idea of normal, and likely it very much also defines what they are. If they have a 9 to 5 job and a wife and 2 kids, their definition of normal likely involves a part of that. If you have a complete wardrobe made up of tattoos and you killed your parents and your childhood dog, your definition of normal might be slanted towards that lifestyle. Are either wrong? Who is to say? Are you about to walk up to a complete stranger and tell them that everything they believe in is false and scewed and your way of life is right? Why not? What have you got to lose?