Single Status Not a Concern for Some

Among all the couples giving their long stemmed, chocolate coated I love yous, many people were left thinking that cupid was nothing but a bad shot this past Valentine's Day.

This is a nation obsessed with finding the one true love. Almost every television show aired today has some bizarre love twist, and every trip to the mall is polluted by dozens of couples that, among the sales racks, seem to be auditioning for Romeo and Juliet.

Even a Google search of the words "find true love" produced more then 70 million website results. This is enough to make any single person feel like a rejected outcast.

The rejection of not being the object of anyone's desires started for most as early as junior high school. Each Valentine's Day, at Sudlow Intermediate School in Davenport, Iowa, girls and boys could send sweet treats to those they adored. The children without candy on their desk at the end of the day were left to wonder what was wrong with them.

The stigma of being the odd one out can linger with single people into adulthood. But, contrary to the 1950s mentality, single people are not always unhappy, lonely or even looking for anyone.

"Everyone was expected to marry. Men needed someone to take care of them and women needed someone to make the money," Kathleen Trujillo, psychology professor at St. Ambrose said.

However, Trujillo goes on to note that this is an outdated view of relationship roles that doesn't exist anymore.

"There is a trend towards being single now, and it's becoming more acceptable," Trujillo said.

This acceptance can be attributed to people pursuing education and focusing more on careers before getting married.

SAU student Jake Newman, who considers himself to be playing the field, finds the heckling, despite friendly intentions, irritating.

"I hate having to put up with people rubbing it in my face that I am single," he said. "I had to put up with that from my siblings, who are all married or engaged. I hear it from my friends too, and it gets annoying."

Other than the constant friendly jabs at his bachelor life, being single doesn't bother him at all.

"I don't have to be anywhere, I don't have to do anything and I can be with whomever I want. Not being tied down, especially in college, is nice," Newman said. Like some single people, Newman has a strong dislike of Valentine's Day, however, not because he feels left out or alone.

"I cannot stand Valentine's Day, it's the worst holiday ever. I think that if you really care about the person you don't need a special day to let them know that they are special to you," he said.

Whether people are longtime loners, newly single or attached at the hip, Trujillo doesn't believe relationship status should define a person.

She recommends finding sources other then a significant other to get that happiness high.

"If you are single, don't dwell on it too much…take care of yourself, be good to yourself and do the things you enjoy," she said.

Newman believes that there are benefits to being single and thinks that it is a time to reflect and learn.

"(You can) learn more about who you are," he said.

As many newly single people go through a range of emotions, Trujillo says that it is normal and even healthy to despise a former flame succeeding a breakup.

"Filling yourself with hate for the other person sometimes serves to help you distance yourself from them so you don't feel so overwhelmed from the loss," she said. "The longer and deeper the relationship the harder it is to get over."

She blames this on the fact that people are creatures of habit. As time goes on people tend to grow accustom to things, but once the comfort of familiarity has been shattered it can be hard to pick up the pieces.

"Time, it just takes time," she said.

Newman, who has been through some breakups of his own, believes that the best medicine for heartache is friends.

"The first thing you need to do is just find your friends," he said. "Nothing beats your friends, especially if you're feeling awful."

Clara Hughes, an SAU senior, has been with her significant other for about six years.

She said that at the beginning of her relationship she felt a little left out because her friends were always going out.

But single or not, Clara says that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

There are always gong to be advantages and disadvantages to both relationship statuses. Whichever side of the relationships fence someone is on, they should embrace it and learn from their experiences.

"Everyone should have time to be single, I had my single time. I think a person should date around because then they can realize what they have. They can see what's better and what is not so good. You have to experience things before you can find that person," Hughes said.