How much is too much, love?

How much is too much..


The moment you told me to forget about everything,
Didn’t you know it was beyond agony to hear, to grasp, and to accept?
Didn’t you know I have had enough storms in me,
When you destroyed everything I struggled to hold?
Why did you come into my world?
If you would bid farewell,
If you would leave without looking back, not even once..

How much is too much, love?

Are the countless tears I cried for you, I cried for myself?
Didn’t you know single drop of every tear burnt me,
Burnt me and burnt all the promises?

How much is too much, love?

Is it the undeserved trust I put in you?
Didn’t you know I believed, I gave one more chance?
Excuses were never literal enough to put down the fire of disappointment.

How much is too much, love?

Is it the person I called "My Life" tearing me apart?
Didn’t you know your sharp words sliced every sense that I had.
Didn’t you know deep wounds left scars?

How much is too much, love?

Is it the ache that filled my veins seeing the innocent girl in me losing,
Losing her pride, her belief.
Or is it the disgust for letting it be?
Didn’t you know I wouldn’t be able to breathe inside the dark smoke that the flames of your betrayal caused?

How much is too much, love?

Is it my sensitivity?
Or is it you holding my wretched feelings in derision?
Didn’t you know the anguish of your roughness would cause me to agonize?

How much is too much, love?

Is it you never taking me, my feelings seriously?
Didn’t you know every time you laughed at my break down,
Every time you made fun of me in more ways than one,
I was bleeding..

How much is too much, love?

Is it you remembering me only when you are in need?
Or is it me being unconditionally there for you, no matter what?
Didn’t you know the fear of hope felt like nothing else?
Because you meant disappointment when you gave hope..
Didn’t you know it felt like living it all again over and over?
Didn’t you know I was not as strong as you gave me credit for?

How much is too much, love?

Is it willing not to wake up after every night of many years I cried myself to sleep?
Is it willing not to live in a life without you?
Didn’t you know you meant everything to me?
Didn’t you know the sun was not enough to lighten up my day?
Didn’t you know what everything meant and that you were the only one?

How much is too much, love?

Is it thinking of you every second time lent me?
Is it seeing you in everywhere I went, in everything I did?
Is it missing you, missing you more than words could possibly describe?

How much is too much, love?

Is it knowing you doing this to me?
Didn’t you know every time you left me for someone else,
It was impossibly painful to mend the broken pieces you left behind?
Didn’t you know it was so not fair?

How much is too much, love?

Why did you ask me to let you in when you meant harm?
Wasn’t my little world damaged enough?
Didn’t you know every time you undervalued me,
Every time you showed off,
Every time you said you did not care,
You immersed me into the acidic liquid of collapse.

How much is too much, love?

Is it not giving up, trying everything I was and even was not capable of?
Sacrificing all I had,
Living but not moving on?

How much is too much, love?

Is it standing on my knees gazing after you,
My eyes full of hope and fear,
My heart full of desire and despite,
Gazing after you in the same place you turned your back
And left me years ago?

How much is too much, love?

Is it longing to be with you,
Foolishly longing to spend the rest of my life with you?
Is it caring about you?
Caring about you more than anyone else, more than my own self?
Is it still -all these years- praying,
Waiting for you hopelessly on the thin line of wish and despite?

How much is too much, love?

Is it Loving you?
In despite of everything, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g you have done to me,
Deeply, heartbreakingly and madly loving you..
Or is it sincerely, truly and desperately meaning it?

How much is too much, love?



Gülbahar
(a.k.a Rose)