Cheating

Once trust has been breached, do you really want that cheater back? Why would you want it to?

The most important things two people can bring to a relationship are trust and honesty. After an affair enters the picture how can there be trust? Not only has he crossed over the line on so many different levels, but that line has been forever blurred (or maybe that's just the tears in your eyes). It is so amazing to read stories where cheating and rebuilding trust is even in the same sentence. This guy didn't just forget your birthday or maybe tell a bad joke at your expense!

Let's look at the obvious points first:
- your world/life as you know it has been forever altered

- flashbacks (those crazy little pictures in your head, both real and imagined) will strike again and again when you least expect them, and the 100th one will cut you just as deeply as the first one does. This is a most difficult tape to turn off no matter how hard you try

- every time you get close/intimate you will wonder if he is thinking of her. Even if he isn't comparing you to her - YOU will compare yourself to HER

- even if you "know" all the grubby details, you will still wonder if he lied about or withheld some of them

- if he can have casual sex with someone else without any regard for you or your feelings, than what does sex mean in his relationship with you

- if he is ready, willing and able to jeopardize your love and your trust for a meaningless night of casual sex, is he really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with

- if someone loves you, REALLY loves you, no matter what, that person will NOT engage in sexual gratification outside of the relationship

There are a million self help books and online articles arguing that you should first look at what "might have been missing" from the relationship;

- perhaps you have drifted apart and no longer communicate effectively

-  somehow his emotional needs weren't being met

- he needed someone who could boost his self-esteem and make him feel more of a man

BULL PUCKY...

In some instances the above three items have great value and need to be examined in depth and detail. Unfaithfulness is NOT one of those instances.

In short, cheating is wrong on every level. In fact, often times, the third party involved is also deeply hurt by the encounter. Let her be hurt if she was aware beforehand that your guy was married/attached/in a relationship; then she deserves whatever comes her way. But often time, the gallant cheater fails to mention said relationship. The list continues if you have children together, in which case, they also become victims of the cheater. Believe it or not, family relationships can also be destroyed by this one act of compassionless, stupid behavior. Many members of your family who do truly love you will find it very difficult (if not impossible) to forgive him. The only person in the entire picture who deserves neither compassion nor respect is the cheater himself.

In these trying times we go into the world with our honor, our morals and our integrity. Now that all three have been compromised, why oh why, would you want to continue building a relationship/future with this person? If this guy is willing to demean and belittle you and your love in this manner, then what does this say regarding his own morals and integrity?

Run; don't walk to the nearest exit! With time some of the tears will lessen and all the recriminating "woulda, coulda, shoulda's" will diminish. It may not feel like it at the time (or for quite some time thereafter) but you will move on. In order for you to move on successfully, you will somehow need to forgive him for his transgression. You need to forgive him for YOUR sake, not for his.  Forgiveness is a giant step toward healing.

Forgiving does not equal forgetting.  Forgiving gives you permission to move on and find the love you so justly deserve.