STOP! Don't Kiss That Frog

In our primal need to be accepted and appreciated, it would appear that far too many people, men and women alike, have decided to “settle”. One has only to peruse the single sites that prosper high and mighty from their thrones in cyberspace. Or click on any magazine or online article and read the thousands of testimonials of finding Mr. / Ms. Right. A huge percentage of these golden rainbows are found after only a couple of dates. Is this really a possibility or just wishful thinking? Oftentimes, these two individuals haven’t even met yet! No, don’t get me started on that…

If you were looking for a caregiver for your child, would it be possible to ascertain the perfect candidate without first getting to know the person (background, values, morals, religious views, etc.}? Do you buy the first car you test drive or the first home you look at without searching for more choices and better value? 

If you are recently out of a relationship, you haven’t possibly had time to examine your own feelings yet, so how could you successfully integrate another human being into your world at this time? Best that you should spend some time (lots of time) getting to know the “new” you before you go looking for a partner.

Until you have healed (mind, body & spirit) from any loss (death, divorce, etc.,) give your potential new relationship a break and cut him or her loose for a while until you have mended.  Don’t let your new love be your rebound guy or gal. This one almost never lasts and you’ll just be setting yourself up for more heart break.

Be friends first. Don’t let a potential great friendship get buried under your desperate need for a new love partner.  Friends are forever; dates will come and go. Should this friendship lead to more in the future, well then, NOW you are definitely on to something good!

Make a list of what went wrong in your last relationship. Examine what he or she had that didn’t meet your needs, values, etc. We all want to be loved and cherished, and we all deserve to be. How can you “cherish” or be cherished by a virtual stranger? Don’t confuse real love with real “want to be in love”.  This is a no win situation.

Don’t be blinded by what you want; be driven by what you need.  (Honesty, trust, communication skills, kindness, and so on) are just a few of the things that should be on everybody’s “needs” list.

This is DEFINITELY NOT the time to slip on those rose colored glasses (even if they make you look really hot!) As unromantic as it may sound, you need to closely examine another’s weaknesses and deficiencies.  It can be very painful when one day you are forced to look at your new partner as he or she REALLY is.  Most everybody puts their best foot (and behaviors) forward while on those halcyon first dates. This is generally not the real person (personality) you are seeing.

Until you learn to live alone in contentment and peace, you are doing yourself and any potential new partner a great disservice by jumping into another relationship.

If you keep kissing on any old frog that comes along, you will most likely end up with a toad. And, if you kiss too many frogs, you’re going to get warts. 

Toads & Warts, my friend, can be painful and very difficult to get rid of.