The Chain That Binds Her

I started writing this but something is just not sitting right. I have this awesome idea but its not panning out for me. I started writing this in first person and then switched. I do like it better in third but something still isn't right. Its the start to a longer story but just wanted someone else to look the intro over to see if its going anywhere. Honest criticism please!!!!






The chain that binds her will never let go. Its presence is a maddening reminder that she is helpless before it. It taunts her, uses her, and haunts unceasingly with memories. She sees it still, reflecting off the water, catching the light, begging her to revisit that night. A twisted piece of hardened rock that has the power to throw her into ecstasy time and time again…

That splash of water as he dove into the river was the last time she remember being sane. The cool autumn air had wrapped itself around her body, intimately reminding Tarhan that she had shed her clothes and was standing exposed on the beach with her back turned to him, his eyes washing over her, caressing the curves and valleys of her body.
“Come here, come now,” was the last thing Tarhan heard before she turned and lust consumed her. He was waist deep in the water, hair wet and dripping down onto a lean muscled chest, waiting patiently because he knew that he had already won. The fullness of the moon at his back shadowed his features, outlining a hardened warrior’s body and shone off of the simple silver chain that hung loosely around his neck. The metal bunched and rolled as he reached out, claiming a body that begged to be his. His hands closed around her waist, pulling her deeper, the chill of the water second to the heat of his hands as they began to explore every inch of her exposed skin. He pulled her close and ran his lips up the ridge of her neck, sparks bursting into flames in her womb. She wrapped her legs around him as he pulled her in, biting her delicate neck when their sex met, his lips dropping to explore her breast. She clung to the back of his neck, wrapping the silver chain around her hand as he reached between her thighs to her engorged clit.