Man and Boy

Stop wriggling about, son. Yes – I know – there’s mummy.  Yoo-hoo mummy! But you’re going out with daddy today. Stop wriggling, I said. I can’t get your seat-belt done up.

There we go. Now, wave goodbye to mummy. Say ‘Bye-bye bitch!’ That’s right. Now, off we go!

We’re going to have such a great day today. Daddy’s taking you to the seaside.

We don’t get enough time together, you and I. Not since mummy decided to only let us see each other on certain days of the week. And all because I hit Mummy’s new boyfriend.

Well, let me tell you, son, you may not understand now given that you are only two years old and all, but you can trust your old man when he tells you that that creep deserved it. What right has he to get you to call him ‘daddy’? Jumped up little prick! I’m your daddy, and nobody had better forget that, or they’ll just get more of the same.

There ain’t nobody good enough to take you away from me. You and me, mate, forever.

Sshh. Stop crying matey. Daddy’s sorry for shouting. I just get angry sometimes, that’s all. It’s only cos I love ya.

There there … shut up.

Shut up! Shut up!

Look, sorry, OK? Here – have some sweets. That’s better, ain’t it?

Hey, little man. Look at the sheep. And there’s some cows  - what noise do cows make? That’s right – ‘mooo’. You’re such a clever boy!

You know, mummy once said that I didn’t love you. What do you reckon? Only a crazy bitch like your mother could think such a dumb-ass thing.

No – it’s mummy that daddy doesn’t love. But daddy does love other women. Oh yes, daddy loves women a lot. That’s why he has so many lady-friends. He just can’t choose the one he loves the most.

Tell me son, how is a man supposed to choose? They all have something sexy going on. The skinny ones have tight little arses with that horny w-shaped space at the top of their legs. When they wear tight jeans, a man can see the shape of all they possess.

And then there are the fat bitches waving their tits in your face.

That’s right, mate, they do!

But here’s the thing. Daddy’s giving them all up for his best boy.

Yes he is! Cos we’re a team, aren’t we mate? And there aint no stupid slut gonna come between us. And no dickhead your mother decides she likes is going to be your new dad.

That’s right, son. You go to sleep for a while. Daddy’ll wake you up when we get to the seaside.

***



Wake up mate. Ahh – who’s the grumpy one,eh?  No, mummy isn’t here. Just you and daddy, all boys together. Now … stop your whining. Today is going to be a fun day. It’s really important we enjoy ourselves.

STOP!

This is typical. Your mother and that prat she’s shagging have turned you against me, haven’t they? They know you won’t want to spend time with someone you only see once a week. You hardly remember me.

Well, we’ll show them. We’re stronger than that. We’re like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid … Batman and Robin … us against the world! What’s that you say, son. I can’t understand you. Oh never mind.

Now, lets get you into your pushchair. Now, stop struggling. You can get out when you get to the beach. Here, look. Have some more sweets. There, that’s better isn’t it?

Oh look, son. Look at the donkeys. Would you like a ride later? No, Not yet. We have a picnic to eat first. And sandcastles to build. Then you can go on the donkey. And look – there’s a roundabout! And swings! And a trampoline! My, aint we gonna have fun?

I wish you’d stop your whining though. This is gonna be a very special day.

OK, big guy. You can get out of your pushchair now. Stand there while I fold it up.No – don’t run off.

Hold. My. Hand!

Oh, come here. Give daddy a hug. Daddy didn’t mean to smack. But you mustn’t make him angry.

Mummy never seemed to grasp that concept either. Why can’t people see? You take the piss, you get a slap. Don’t care who you are. Its quite easy to understand. But mummy just couldn’t get her empty little head around it.

Now stop that horrible noise. Look at all the nosy ladies staring. Tutting.

Mind your own business, you stupid cow. Yes, you!

Here, son. Here’s your bucket and spade. Let’s get some serious sandcastles made.

You know, daddy used to come here with his daddy when he was a little dot like you. Didn’t spend much time on the beach though. Granny and Grampa would spend all day in the pub, and daddy would wait in the car for them, watching everyone else have fun. If it was really hot, they would bring me out a bottle of coke with a straw. Wasn’t allowed to get out of the car though. Would have had a beating, else. And not just a girly slap either, but a proper beating.

Sorry, mate – was miles away then. Of course I can see your sandcastle. It’s great! Let’s put some shells on it … no don’t kick it down! Now look, you’ve spoilt it.

Just sit there and don’t move while I get the picnic out.

Here you go – banana sandwiches. What do you mean you don’t like them? All kids like banana sandwiches. I loved them at your age. Christ, mummy just isn’t educating you properly on the delight s of infant food. What does she feed you? Tofu and beansprouts? That’s right, mate… mummy. I’m talking about your bitch of a mummy. Clever boy – say it again. Bitch mummy. Good lad!

What shall we do next? Roundabouts? Donkeys?

OK. Roundabouts it is. Just let me pack up and we’ll paddle a bit close to the funfair.

We’re having great fun, aint we mate?

Oooh… the water’s a nit nippy. But we can take it can’t we? Cos we’re hard! Cut from the same cloth, you and me.

OK. OK! Daddy knows its cold. Stop whinging, kid.

There’s the funfair. Look – look at the big roundabout. Come on!

The queue isn’t too long. Stand still and hold daddy’s hand. Soon be our turn.

Hey – stop running off. Now we’ve lost our place in the queue.

Never mind – daddy will just push in. Sod ‘em.

Bet you haven’t done this with Bitch mummy and Dickhead, have you? Bet they’re really boring and don’t do fun things. That’s cos they don’t love you as much as daddy does. They just pretend to so that they can stop us being together. They’re selfish and jealous, son. They want daddy to think that no-one loves him no more.

They thought I was only going to have you for a couple of hours today. They’re scared to let us have longer together cos they know you and me don’t need ‘em.

Oh – it’s your turn mate. No, not the yellow car. It’s got flowers on it. Go for the blue one. Here – let me help you.

Oh, alright. The yellow one it is then. No need to make such a fuss. Daddy will stand over here and wave.



***



Was that a good ride? Here, let me help you out.

Ughh! Mate! You’ve puked all over me! What did you do that for? No, don’t worry. Daddy’s not angry. Don’t want to spoil our day over a little bit of puke. After all, daddy’s thrown up over plenty of people after one too many to drink. Nothing wrong with that.

What are you looking at, lady? Want a slap? Shit, son. It’s a good job we don’t need ‘em.

Nearly time to go now anyway. The rides are closing. But we’ve had a great day, haven’t we? Just you and me?

Hold my hand and we’ll walk back to the car. Ok, if you’re too tired you can go in your pushchair.

Bitch mummy will be wondering where we are. Well, let her worry. This is what she gets from telling me what to do. For trying to keep us apart. She said if daddy was late today, he wouldn’t be able to see you without her or Dickhead being there. Well, sod that for a game of soldiers. That’s never going to happen.

Here’s the car. Oh – look at you sleepyhead. Don’t suck your thumb, mate. That’s girly. Oh, all right then, just this once. Don’t make a fuss again.

In you go.  Back into your car-seat.

Now, daddy’s gonna take you to see the best view ever. He used to go there with his daddy, and got scared cos it’s at the top of a cliff. But you won’t be scared, will you? Even though it’s wild at this time of day with the waves crashing into the rocks below. Awesome.

Bitch mummy never liked it there. She likes pretty fields and girly places.

Here we are. Look at the view, son.

Oh – you’re asleep. You must be exhausted. Never mind. You look so comfortable and peaceful.

You’ve caught the sun today. Your cheeks are rosy and a bit burnt, and your hair looks blonder than ever. Almost white.

Why have you got long eyelashes like a girl?

I’m glad we’ve had a good day. It’s been fun, son.

I can’t allow Bitch Mummy to make a new family for you, give you a new daddy. We would both be sad if that happened. This way we will be together forever.

Look at the sea, son. It’s really wild today!

Here we go – one last ride.

First gear.

Second gear.

Third gear…

Wheee …

Look, son! We’re flying!

Sweet dreams, mate.