"The Beginnings of Painful Love"

I am a firm believer in the old saying, "Absence makes the heart fonder". I don't know who said it first, but you can't be in someones face everyday without eventually getting on their nerves, or them getting on your nerves. I think people who around one another everyday tend to take each other for granted. They know that this person will be there no matter what, and the comfort level gets ridiculously high. Soon the person whom you look forward to seeing everyday begins to be the person that you barely notice walking into the door. In some cases arguments about someone always being in your face, or needing space comes about. Some people in this case realize that maybe their relationship isn't working and begin taking the steps to pursue happiness in whatever way it can be achieved. On the other hand, you've got those who have the option of leaving the situation for long periods of time. Whether it's work related, or family related some find a way to get away from the situation that seems to be becoming a three headed monster. In their head they are thinking that they want to salvage the relationship, but maybe a little time apart will help to get back the feeling of being needed and wanted. Maybe this thought process helps the person who is going away feel that if they have been truly missed and have missed being around their significant other, things will be better. The cold part about this thought process is that it may not help the relationship at all. Especially when you and the other person are still arguing and throwing hurtful words at one another. When spiteful things are said and done purely to create a reaction, or to hurt with no type of compassion for the others feelings. The question comes up in the mind over and over again, is it worth all of this pain and anguish? When you sit back and feel that you have done all you can. When you have righted all your wrongs, and bgan to do the right thing and everything is still hanging by a string. Do you walk, or run away as fast as you can. All the time and effort you have put forth amounts to nothing. What is it that needs to be done, and then just like that everything is okay for the time being. Does Love equal blinding hurtful, unremorseful pain? Is the best answer to every question you ask yourself turning out to be that you should have run when you had the chance? Is it all worth it? That is the answer that runs from me at top speed. This race that I am in is not going in my favor. I am losing the race, out of breath, lungs on fire, legs crampig up, and I know that pretty soon I will hit complete muscle failure and the race will be done. I will eventually fall out of the run. Not for lack of trying, or from being out of shape, but from psyching myself out of winning. Who is to blame when you have won in your heart and body, but your thoughts cause you to mistep and lose. What do you do then? I think the better question is why did it get to the point to where something that was sweet and innocent, becomes something that is ugly and scaly? I don't know if you have noticed but I have plenty of questions asking why, but still have no answers..and still I write.

"Wordsmith"

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