The Hardship of Facing the Everyday Life

CHAPTER 1

There are not many moments in my life that I can describe as lifechanging. Actually, I think I can count them on one hand. But even if they were few, when they happened, they mixed everything up and send my life in a absolutely new direction.  The biggest change started  when I met my future wife Susan Lewis.  When I first saw her, I thought she was an angel; her golden flowing hair was shining in the sun and her blue eyes were two sparkling stars.  I was young and the quality that mattered to me the most at that time were good looks, and if I had to grade her in that category, I would give her A+ without hesitation.  She was 16, one year younger than me and we fell in „love“ very soon after we met.  We were dating for over a year when she got pregnant and, because I was a good, responsible young man, I proposed to her. I don’t think I did it because I loved her, we were both still not very experienced people, so we were together mostly because of lust.  For both me and her it was our first love and we thought that there can be nothing that would make the attraction go away. 

Soon after, we were both telling each other our vowes in church and there, I saw her family for the first time.  They seemed to not like me and I thought it was just a wrong assumption from my side.  The weeks after, I uncovered the truth, which was that they did not like me.  It suprised me, because how on earth can they hate me so much if they don‘t even know me ? That forced me to do something with it and to warm up their hearts I invited them to our house for a nice dinner.  After a very unpleasant evening, which they spent being quiet and glaring at me, they accused me of forcing their daughter to a marriage with a peasant (who was obviously me).  She could have married somebody rich or famous and shouldn’t be wasting her life with an ordinary man like me, who wasn’t able to let her live in the luxury she deserved.  Of course I wasn’t a millionare like her daddy, but it made me angry that they were talking about me like that. I did my best to take care of her, especially when she was 7 months pregnant.  We had our own nice small house with garden and it was well equipped, it wasn’t a castle, but still good.  After that, the argument got heated up and they left.  Since that day, it was very rare of them to come.

The next few years of marriage were enjoyable, I think.  Susan gave birth to Angela when we were still affectionate towards each other, so Angela had a joyful childhood.  More time passed by and due to Susan’s more frequent visits to her mother, Susan started to take on some of the ideas about how she could be living with someone better and wealthier.  That was when our second child, Julie, was a small kid and she had to live through the biggest fights between me and Susan.  It affected her badly and she became a distant person;  she would always be in her room and she didn’t come out with the exception of supper.  Bobby, my youngest child and the only son, was born when I was 32 years and 8 months old. 

We were still on bad terms with Susan until Bobby was around 3 or 4, and we begun our little ignoring phase and lived like that onward.  She still liked to criticise me, however not as much as before.  She got lovers, I was working more and we were living by.  Even though I wasn’t happy, the divorce never came to question.  Mainly because we were use to the others‘ presence and it seemed like too much work to change what we were so much familiar with.  Next reason was that to my delight, 7 years ago (I was 38) one of the best news I ever got, arrived.  Bertham Phillip Lewis, my not particulary popular father in law died of heartattack.  His enormous fortune was divided into three parts, one for Mary-Anne Lewis (his wife and the harpy that was my mother in law), Susan, and Jane Anne Woods (Susan‘ three times divorced sister).  With such a fortune in possesion, she felt more important and secure and no more she had the need of getting herself richer husband.  I also didn’t like the idea of separating because even with the ignoration and some blame, at least she was a good cook and she kept the house (except for Bobby’s room) unbelievebly tidy. 

Alas, I was so bored with life.  It seemed to me like all days were same, stereotypical, nothing made me feel truly alive. I used to be very social, what happened to me?  Now I could sit on my chair and only look at a walls for what seemed like hours, without doing a thing.  I was 45, and it felt like I never truly accomplished anything.  What I had, family, good job as a psychologist, nice house.... not all people had it, but a lot of them did. I was nothing special, so ordinary.  Ever since I was a small boy, I wanted to be someone, to make my existence on this earth warrant, to be proud of myself.  More than half of my life had passed, and there was no trace of me in the world.  If I died right now, who would remmember, who would care?  My family, yes, my friends, yes, but the next generation?  I could had a good life, and still, everything about me would be forgotten, it would vanish to nothing and it would be like I never was.  And that scared me, a lot.

It was Saturday and I was sitting in my comfortable chair in my study room.  I shifted my position and woke from the numbness.  Why I have to think about these things.  It’s depressing.  Luckily I had my friends who were helping me to get to good mood most of the time.  I stretched and looked around me.  This was my study, my place where I felt secure and safe.  The table was hidden under the piles of paper and I was facing  a big window to our garden.  There were some tools for exercising in the room, because even though I was letargic, it didn’t meant I would allow myself to become a fat slob.  That’s why I also visited fit centrum frequently and I dragged my friends there too.  The most of the walls were hidden behind bookshelves.

  The true reason I was in my study on that day, was not because of books nor exercising, it was only for safety and self preservance reasons.  It just wasn’t safe to roam the rest of the house freely, without doing any visible work.  The instant I would make that mistake, I would be attacked (luckily only with words) by my wife and then granted with working activities that would last for half of the day.  So I remained in my domain.  I was too distracted to read that day, so I was just sitting in the comfy chair and every short while I checked the time.  Today was the big day ! I haven’t felt so excited in a long time.  At seven p.m. my little princess was supposed to arrive. After she finished collage she found job at local high school and that meant she will live nearby and I could visit her often.  I was kind of hoping that she would stay a while in the house, if it was possible.  Angela had always been a good conversation companion, unlike the rest of the house‘ inhabitants.   
 
„Nathan!“ a woman voice yelled.  „Get here right now! I need help! So get your lazy self here!“
I sighed and went to kitchen from where the screams were coming from.  I walked down the stairs to the living room and through it, I went into the kitchen.  That was where she was the supreme power, and where I was completely lost.  I never learned how to cook and it never bothered me.  But she complained about me not being able to cook anything eatable.  That was her, she wanted a husband that would have a good paying job, be a great cook, have lot of time for the kids, have time to listen to her complains about how stupid our neighboors are, be a gigollo in bed....  She just coudn’t understand that it wasn’t possible for one person to have all those qualities. 
 
Susan noticed that I was there, so she gave me one of her annoyed looks and started to inform me what was my duty to do.  „I am finished with cooking, so get everything on the table and go for the kids.“  Then she walked past me and went to bathroom to finish her make up.  I grabbed everything I could and it took me only three times to bring all the food to the living room where the long table for eating was.  With my first task done, I had to face the second, and more dreadful one.  Getting the kids to come downstairs and surviving it. I knew yelling at them from downstair would be useless, because usually their rooms were roaring with music and I wondered how can they even hear themselves think.  I wearily walked upstairs again.  My study was through the only door on the right.  The rooms of my offsprings were all on the left; the room closest to me was Bobby’s, the one after it was Julie’s and the most distanced room used to be Angela’s, and now it filled the function of a store room.  From both the occupied rooms were coming loud noises.  I sighed again, grabbed the handle of the closer door, opened it and went forth. 

The first thing that hit me when I walked in was a sound of a open warfare.  Screams and gun shots were coming from the  stereo system.  Soldiers were running on the big flat screen and under it was the newest xbox.  Across from the screen and the game system  was a bed, on which my hypnotised 13 year old son was sitting on.  The look of the room also resembled a battlefield.  A underscriable mess was ahead of me and I had to step very carefuly to not stuck something in my feet.  I would be so happy if I could just stay at the doors at tell him to go downstairs.  From my earlier experiences I knew that it was impossible.  I carefully proceed in my quest.  One leg here, other there, ouch, I bit my lip when pain stung me right in the heel. I looked on what I stepped and after short examination threw the piece of lego out of my way.  Finally I reach the stupid bed and not very gently shook my son’s elbow.  Bobby almost jumped from his skin, he had no idea that someone was in the room.  He stopped the game, turned the sound off and with a curious glare he stared at me. 
„You want something?“ he asked impatiently. 
„Your mother wants you to go downstairs.  It’s almost seven, Angela will be here in any minute.“
„And what about it?  It’s freakin July and she still haven’t gave me any birthday presents.  I waited two months for them and nothin‘.“
„Well, my guess is that she’ll give them to you today.  If you’ll be downstairs when she arrives you will get them sooner than here, upstairs.“ 
He looked at the flat screen and thought for while, probably if the presents were worth losing the time and not playing.  Then, he slightly nodded, dug himself from bed and went downstairs.  My task is almost done,  I thought to myself and I got from the room, without hurting my legs any further. 

Next, I entered the room of my second child and with disgust I looked around.  The walls were all painted in black, most of the furniture and other filling of the room was also black or red.  There were posters of ugly people all around and honestly it looked more like I just entered a crypt than a room of teenager.  With even bigger distaste, but also with pity, I looked at my daughter who was sitting next to her table.  She coloured her once golden hair to pitch black, her face was so covered by make up that I wondered if she would be even able to see anything if she started crying and there was a piercing in her nose, down lip, and eyebrow.  She used to be a nice girl and she willingly turned into this.  When Julie spotted me, she turned the volume of the screaming that was supposed to be music down, and rose from the chair.
„What do you need from me, father?“
„Eh, Angela will be here soon, so your mother wants you to go to living room.“
  She said something I didn’t understand and moved past me like a dying person.  With a feeling of a great accomplishment I shut the door behind me and followed Julie downstairs.  Susan was going around the table, checking if everything was perfect, Julie sat on one of the chairs and she was looking somewhere beyond, Bobby kept looking on clocks, and it seemed to me that he was counting the time he had lost by sitting there.  And to my great joy, I heard a car slowing down and then saw it parking in our driveway.  We all gathered at the doors, someone knocked gently, Susan opened and at last, I saw her.