In my guidance, I'm lost. I seem to find no trouble in telling people that life can't suck any worse, or not to trust this lucky phase, and I lack the ability to listen to myself. I am a hypocrite. I can dictate the thoughts and emotions of those I hold most dear without taking advantage of it, but my thoughts remain untouched by the peace I absently deposit. I am a fraud. I'm a trusted source--when people are wound up, I'm their emotional punching bag. I carry their burdens, and one of these days I've got to fall and go tumbling down, just for the sake of losing it all. I am used. But I can't help but smile when I think of the help I present to my friends. When they're stuck in a maze of emotional and psychological discomfort, in a rut, I pull them out, and I always feel like a hero. I am, in a sense, a hero. And still, I seem to ignore myself for the sake of others. It makes no sense, but it's the most clear thing you'll ever hear, see, touch or experience. Maybe, while understanding the needs of the people I need to understand, I've forgotten my own needs. Maybe, in being selfless, I've been selfish, wrapped up in the feeling of satisfaction I couldn't seek on my own. Maybe, in knowing where I'm going, I've become lost. |