Merry Christmas, Baby

Things were supposed to be different.
You promised me life.
Because I had your heart, I was your heart.

You should have been all I need
All I feel around me.
My one thing that feels right.
You weren't supposed to be a liar, a fake, a fucking fraud
But you are.

I was supposed to feel content, carefree and in love.
I wasn't supposed to be alone
But I am.

I shouldn't have to test my limits
I should know myself, I should have an answer.
How far will I go?
Am I this girl?
I don't know.
Am I who I want to be?
No, no, NO.

All these fears, these doubts
With no one to console
Never good enough
I've lost faith in many things
A careless, empty vessel
Once filled with so much life

Maybe it's the drugs talking
I don't know but I'm never numb enough

But what do I know?
I'm just a stupid little girl.

I think it's safe to say I can blame this all on you.
This poem is my gift to someone else, it won't save me.
I hope you're happy.
Merry Christmas, baby