I Don't know Animore

I don't know anymore and it's hard to say why, I miss those times when I just knew and I don't remember when I've lost it or how..
I was a young girl with a big dream to become somebody they will now, I choose a singer because that's what they've told me i am most of my life , the entertainer in the family that until now i'm not so clear about the reason of becoming this why, was it for the love of art or a desperate need for affection?.
Either why being stubborn never lead me anywhere but to step on my own foot and think i'm right doing so, it got me confuse because being so stubborn kind of take away what's out there in life and fills it with an empty action of "knowing".. sure it protects you, the feeling of knowing , it's like the mother I always wanted to have that always had the answers.

It seems like everybody knows but me, everybody has studied something by now ,even though at some point they didn't know what, or how and they are somebody out of pressure of being an adult they had to make a decision and they did , happy or not.
I on the other hand was the one that always knew what she wanted to do, "she will be a famous singer" they said and me went straight for the prize or so I thought.
It's ben few years now of slow standing still and letting dreams get sour.. I tried to feel how I feel , I even went on a week trip far away from it all and discovered that i'm stock with me , the one who put us(me ,myself and i) in this place in the first place and it hurts.

It hurts not knowing when everybody around you seems to be so busy with they're life , it hearts knowing that you gave up long ago when you have stopped believing , it hurts to feel so empty inside , it hurts not knowing , not feeling alive.
I've become a desperate server to this young girl's dream I used to be without thinking as an adult:"wait is that what you really want to do".

It's been seven years now and its time to make a decision....