Pier of Fate--3.4.09--Modified

               

It was time.  My life and everything about it was complete.  There was a chill on the pier.  It seemed that everything was one color, solemn blue-gray, almost how I was feeling.  There were no regrets. 

I didn’t want to leave, but bargains must be kept.  My grandmother use to say that your word was your bond.  If I tried to fight it, I may upset the process of second chances.  I didn’t want to be the cause of another losing their chance or breaking some continual thread that connects the universe.

I still remember the all-knowing Dr. Foster when he walked into my room that Wednesday. 

Instead of his final check of me before pulling the plug to end my existence, he found me alert knowing my name.  He couldn’t get me scanned and tested fast enough to find out where his god-like ego went wrong in declaring me a lost cause. 

While I was out of the physical world, my mind was analyzing the choices in my life.  I found that they hadn’t been mine at all.  They all had been my family’s.  Whatever they wanted me to do, I did it despite the fact that it wasn’t right for my own well-being.

My life was not like the small waves, individual yet alike.  There was no risk.  I didn’t thumb my nose at authority.  I was just there, taken for granted and used.  I just hate it took a car crash and almost dying for me to actually get it. 

Those moments of  ‘death’ were a lifetime.  There was no bright light as most people think.  There was darkness and then this pier with the bellowing grey-blue clouds above.  One would think if a pin merely pricked them, the color would drain out of them. 

I know there should have been some clouds, maybe some fog, a gate and St. Peter.  Uh, no.  Just a pier in a small inlet, with mountains the same color of the clouds in the distance, mist and a man at a desk, Victor.  That’s what his name tag said.  Not my lie, so don’t look at me. 

He sat there hovering over the edge of the water at his desk that had raised to pier level.  He looked to be in his late 60s or early 70s.  He was kind of like that old college professor that you had that you knew liked despite the smart-aleck remarks he would convey on you.  He looked over a file and tossed it aside.  I saw a name, Jandris Malone, me.  Not a good sign I thought. 

I felt stupid standing there with nothing on but a hospital gown with the back out, barefoot and freezing.  People could at least be warm in their mental wanderings, especially if it is their Judgment Day.  I guess the angels need a good giggle every once and a while.  He looked up at me with his arms folded taking me in before he spoke. 

“Malone, what have you done?  The path that you took wasn’t for you,” he protested.

“What?  I don’t understand.  Uh, also , Sir, who are you and where am I at?” I asked.

“The name is Victor.  Can’t you read?” he asked pointing to his name tag.

“Sure, I can read.  No need to be testy,” I answered.

“You’re at the Pier of Second Chances,” he finally answered.

“Okay,” I said, unsure of the situation.  I thought the guy was loopy, but I was in no position to complain.  I was standing out in the open ass out…freezing.  “What is this about?” I continued. 

“Are you happy with your present life, married to that cad, Lee, dropping your desires to accommodate the wishes of your parents, siblings and friends?” he asked.  “Did you really want to paint the living room white again?” he continued. 

I looked at him.  He had me cold and knew it.  I was everyone’s doormat because I let them.  Each time I tried to speak up, they pretended that I never said a word.  And if they did, which was on rare occasions, there was an ensuing argument which ended when I  relented to their whims.  Dependable, always there Jandris, no matter what.

“No, I’m not happy.  I don’t know what that is,” I answered.

“Do you want to have a chance to learn what happiness is?” asked Victor.  He got up and walked effortlessly on the water.  It barely moved as he took steps around to the front of the desk. 

“Yes, I do.  But how?” I asked somewhat startled.

“There is no going back in time and fixing it that way.  We leave that to the science fiction writers.  For us, it is easy.  You wake up and live your life to suit you.  You have a clean slate.  Your choices will help you find the realm of happiness.  Not to mention fate being kept balanced,” he explained.

I wanted to inquire, but thought better of it.  Fate being kept balanced.  That was ‘otherworldly’ talk to me.  I decided to ponder on it later.

“What’s the catch?” I asked.  I hugged myself further trying to keep from freezing by this bewitching place.

“No catch.  You’ll know.  One night, in the future after you have achieved perfect happiness, you’ll go to sleep and wake up walking down to this pier to yet another path. What I can’t say is what path.  I am only the caretaker, not fate itself,” said Victor.

There was flash and I was back.  After I got my bearings and the well wishes subsided, the word, ’no’ became my mantra.  I realized my life mattered.  My choices mattered.  My life shouldn't be on hold for anyone’s approval.  If I failed, so be it.  I’d pick myself up and try again.  There was no shame in that. 

I told Lee with his lack luster want of me to leave.  It wasn’t a chore.  It was a relief. The best part about it was that there were no children to endure the parting.  At least Lee was right about not ready to be a parent. 

Yes, my parents were bewildered at my decision to get rid of Lee.  He had a good job, security with the local bank.  They thought I didn’t know what I was doing.  However, despite their pleadings, I held firm and went my own way.

My way was clear.  I quit my teaching position and traveled with the savings that I had accumulated on my job. 

During a trip to the Atlantic Coast, I met Jerry.  He was painting the sea and it’s wonders.  He often painted in the off season.  He felt that the sea and the beach connected on a different rapport with the change in seasons.  He wanted to capture that look.   

His love of life and of me brought out my artistic endeavor.  He inspired me to write; to write whatever.  But at times we collaborated on projects, his paintings and my prose.

That’s not the only collaboration that we made over the years.  We collaborated in children, two boys and two girls.  They’re all grown now, able to make their own way enjoying the fruits of free will and their own choices without a peep from us. 

It was a happy life. 

After a while, Victor appeared alongside me as I look out into the same gray-blue water that I had seen before.  I didn’t see him or hear him coming. 

We didn't say a word for a long time.  We just watched as two humanoid beings as they descended down into the water reappearing seconds later with wings that were grey-blue tipped flying piercing the grey-blue clouds in the sky going toward infinity.   

"Whoa!  That was spectacular," I said. 

“Yes, that always is.  Hello Jandris.  I see life has been good to you since our first meeting,” said Victor.

“Yes it has, with no regrets,” I stated.

“No regrets?” asked. 

“None.  I did what I wanted.  And it felt good,” I said turning to him smiling which he returned back. 

“Now another journey awaits,” he said.

“Another journey?” I asked quizzically.

“Yes.  But don’t ask me for I don't know.  All I can say is that humans whom had to be prodded into believing in and questioning themselves and life make the best angels.  But whom am I?  I don’t know anything.  I’m only the caretaker.  Not the fate itself," he explained.

"Angels?" I asked with a quizzical arch of my eye brow.

"Now shall we?” he stated extending his arm under mine to escort me to the edge of the Pier of Fate.