Phoebe & Kae: Choices

         "Damnit! I don't know who you are, but do not call here again!"
         Phoebe pressed the "End" button on her cell phone and chucked it onto the bed. With a slight bounce, it fell off and plopped onto the carpet below.
         Kae peeked her head in the bedroom. "What's wrong?" she asked. Phoebe shook her head, obviously very irritated.
         "Telemarketers again? I told you that national registry wasn't going to work."
         "No, it's not that," Phoebe finally said. "It's my brother. He's giving my phone number out again."
         "Ah, pimping out the little sis, looks like."
         "Ah, ew! Be quiet! That's disgusting!"
         Kae repositioned herself in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "But that's exactly what's he's trying to do," she stated.
         Phoebe rubbed her face. She knew that was exactly what her older brother was doing. The same thing had been happening for years, ever since she had come out to her immediate family. From that moment on her brother had been secretly slipping friends her cell number, saying that he knew Phoebe better than anybody and he knew she wasn't a girl-liker. If they were interested, they could spend some time together with her, show her a few things and "turn" her back into a straight girl. And, if all else failed, these guys could watch her getting close with a certain female friend she had recently  claimed.
         "Wait, now he's talking about me?!" Kae exclaimed.
         "You would be that 'female friend' I apparently just acquired."
         Kae began to laugh. "I have never heard it said like that before! 'Female friend'...that's pretty damn funny!"
         "Phoebe starred in her coffee cup. "It's pretty damn sad, if you ask me. I'm just some task to him? This kind of behavior doesn't even make any sense!"
         "Maybe this is his way of protecting you."
         "What are you talking about?"
         "Well, it's obvious he thinks you don't really like females, and he thinks he can just yank that idea out of your mind. And he sets you up with his friends, not random strangers..."
         "...yeah?"
         "...and he wants to be the one who is overseeing all of these exchanges to make sure no one does anything out of line."
         "Huh," Phoebe commented. "I never thought of it like that."
         "Either that," Kae leaned back in her chair, "or once you finally come to you senses and go back to solely men, he wants to take all the credit."

         At the Women's Center, Phoebe stacked boxes of pamphlets and sanitary supplies in the backroom. About halfway through, one of her colleagues called for her. There was a man waiting for her in the lobby.
         "Yes?" Phoebe said, slightly out of breath.
         The man stepped forward and extended a hand.
         "Hi. I'm Alan, one of your brother's friends."
         Phoebe swallowed hard and shook his hand.
         "He's never mentioned you," she said.
         "Yeah, we don't hang out much. Actually, until his phone call last night, we hadn't spoken in months."
         Eyes ready to throw daggers, Phoebe smiled and asked, "So, why are you here?" as if she were completely oblivious.
         "Your brother said you were interested in finding a good man and I wanted to show you how good of a man I am."
         I'm sure you do, she thought.
         "And so I would like to take you out to dinner tonight. How 'bout it?"
         "Gee, how could I resist?" Phoebe joked, her smile as fake as the laughs that fell out of her mouth. The eager gentleman grinned in anticipation but Phoebe took a step back.
         "Look, I have a girlfriend."
         "Your brother mentioned you would say something like that, but I'm here to tell you how much you need a good, honest man in your life! Someone who'll treat you properly---"
         "And you think you're that candidate?"
         "Well, yes."
         Phoebe crossed her arms. "I don't expect my brother to understand, but you listen closely: I do not need a 'good, honest man.' I have a good and honest woman whom I love very much. She's got enough masculinity and femininity to satisfy both of my needs and we are very committed to each other. So, you can leave and never call me or come in here
again, unless it's with your own girlfriend or sister!"
         Before the man could respond, Phoebe pushed him out the front door and went back to stacking boxes. Dumbfounded by the whole episode, her colleagues stood staggered around the lobby.
         Bianca, Phoebe's only superior, took it upon herself to figure out what was going on. When she got to the backroom, Phoebe was up on a step ladder, almost tossing boxes and muttering to herself.
         "Phoebe," Bianca began with a stern tone in her voice.
         No response but hushed muttering.
         "Phoebe, do not make me repeat myself again."
         Bianca jabbed her calf with a finger, snapping the girl out of the state she was in.
         "What."
         "What the hell was that in the lobby? Why do you have strange men stopping by to ask you out? What if we had patients sitting in that lobby? What then?"
         "It's not like it's anything new to most of these patients," Phoebe growled, staring at the shelves of packages. "Random strangers setting up a one-night stand? That's how we get business, isn't it?"
         "Phoebe!"
         She knew what she said was out of line, but that pent up anger and irritation had to go somewhere.
         "Go home," Bianca instructed. "When you come back tomorrow I want all of this drama over with and out od this building."
         "I have off tomorrow."
         "Well, now you don't. Consider it punishment for not handling your own issues properly."
         Bianca left Phoebe to recognize the previously organized boxes she had jumbled up in her anger.

         "So, you're home early?"
         "Yeah. Bianca sent me home and gave me work tomorrow."
         "But I thought---"
         "And now I don't."
         After finishing her cleaning job, Kae drove to Phoebe's apartment for the night. When she stepped into the room, she found Phoebe laying on the couch, reading. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, and when Kae tried kissing her, Phoebe asked a strange question.
         "Do you think life is only complete with a lover of the opposite sex?"
         Kae sat up and looked at her, askance. "Why are you asking me, of all people?"
         "I don't know..."
         Phoebe placed her book on the floor and, still focusing on the ceiling, continued.
         "You say my brother is trying to protect me and make me be happy with a man. Maybe...I should listen. to him. He is older, after all. He has more life experience."
         "And how does that translate into knowing what's best for you?"
         Phoebe shrugged. "Maybe I should try it."
         Kae frowned and squirmed in her seat. "Um, hello? You have tried it. It didn't work. Besides, I thought you were happy with me."
         "Oh, no I am! Really!"
         "Then why are you considering this?"
         Phoebe didn't have any real explanation, but tried to piece together her thoughts as best she could.
         "I want my brother to leave my personal life alone and let me love who appeals to me. But since he obviously won't do that, maybe I should do this one thing, to appease him."
         "So, do you want my permission?"
         "I don't know what I want. I just want to be happy and the ones I love to be happy for me."
         Kae clenched her hands in her lap, distressed at where this conversation was heading.
         "Even if you're not happy?"
         "You know I like guys too, so I wouldn't be totally unhappy."
         Kae's chest felt heavy and clogged at these words. Then a sharp tinge of pain raced through. She didn't want to hear any more.
         "Well, if this is what you think you should do, I won't stop you," Kae coolly said, standing to face the door.
         Phoebe looked up at her with wide eyes. "Y-You don't mind?"
         "It doesn't matter if I mind or not," Kae replied, her back still turned to her lover. "You have to do what creates peace in your family. When that's the goal, a non-relative's feelings become pretty irrelevant."
         "No, don't say that!" Phoebe lunged forward and grabbed Kae's hand. "I don't want you even thinking that! Just because I'm with someone else doesn't mean I don't love you---!"
         "I'm gonna go home."
         Kae pulled her hand away from Phoebe's grasp and gathered her things. As she fit her shoes back on, she said, "You've got good intentions but your plan is messed up. You're not being your normal, rational self and that bothers me."
         "I---"
         "I fell in love with you because of your kindness and consideration for other people. But if you're going to put everyone else before your own happiness like this, I can't stick around for that. I'm not as tough as I seem, and hearing what you're planning to do hurts."
         Kae, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to heal my family."
         Kae shook her head. "Last time I checked, your parents were fine with you liking girls. You're trying to mend the relationship with your brother, one that won't be fixed unless you change yourself. I also fell in love with you because you refused to be swayed and changed to please others."
         "I'm still the same person!"
         "No, you're not. Good luck in your experiment."
         Before Phoebe could defend herself any further, Kae had left her apartment, calmly closing the door behind her. Phoebe went to her bedroom and laid down, staring up at the ceiling. With her arms resting above her head and feet dangling over the edge, she fingered the sheets she had shared with her lover and cried herself to sleep. She cried, not knowing that on the other side of her front door, sitting in an idling car on the street below, the woman she loved stifled her own sobbing long enough to shift her car into gear and drive home, only to let loose there.

         When she woke, Phoebe pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed Alan's number. Even though she had instructed him to leave her alone, his number was still listed in her missed calls folder and he was the only guy her brother had picked that she found attractive. They arranged to go out to dinner that weekend and see where that would take them.
         When the night of the date arrived, Phoebe went to extra lengths to doll herself up and smell nice, all to please her date. Alan was supposed to come by and pick her up, and at 8 o'clock he was standing at her building's main entrance. She buzzed him up and, when he knocked on her door, she let him in.
         "Can you just hold on a few more seconds? I want my hair to set a little longer."
         Phoebe was quite the vision in a shapely navy blue dress that curved to her hips and waist. White trim formed around her small bust and thinned the front of her stomach. The bottom of the dress gathered a bit at the hem and stopped at her knees. Combined with white heels and a loosely curled bun atop her head, Alan had a hard time believing this beauty fiddling with her curls was the same angry, snarling woman from the center.
         "You look fantastic," he said, taken aback.
         Phoebe smiled and headed back toward the bathroom. "Have a seat if you'd like," she said. "I'll be ready to go in a moment."
         Alan took a seat, then a look around the apartment. Nice place, he thought. He could easily imagine himself waking up here with this beautiful woman laying next to him.
         "Do you live here alone?" he called out in the direction of the bathroom.
         "Yeah," Phoebe replied. "I have friends that spend the night sometimes and---" she thought about all the time Kae had stayed over, then quickly shook off the thought. "---but yes, I live alone."
         Once she was ready, the two went to Alan's car and drove to the restaurant. Inside, they were seated and their drink orders were taken.
         "So...what do you do?" Phoebe asked.
         "I'm a student at the college full time and I work at an electronics kiosk part time. That takes up a good portion of my life."
         "Oh, really? I'm a student at the college too! I study nursing."
         "I'm studying Bioethics. We're in the same building!"
         Phoebe laughed. "Imagine that! Small world! I'll keep an eye out for you from now on."
         The two chatted through drinks, dinner, dessert and a leisurely glass of wine. None of it felt forced or coerced and each topic flowed seamlessly into the next. Phoebe was surprised at the outcome of this date. However, she still was not attracted to the man. Not anywhere close. This, she assumed, was just due to barely knowing him. Maybe it would come; maybe it just needed time.
         After dinner, Alan drove back to Phoebe's place. Against the nagging voice in the back of her mind, she let him come up to her room. Unlocking the door and stepping inside, Phoebe immediately shucked off her heels at the door and gestured for Alan to do the same, then have a seat on the couch. She sat on the chair adjacent to him.
         Now was the moment the awkward silence came.
         "Would you like something to drink?" Phoebe asked.
         "Nah, I'm fine."
         Searching for anything to talk about, Alan grinned and said, "So, tell me about nursing. What do you do?"
         "Oh, um...I learn how to gather important information about the patient that will be needed by the doctor. I've learned how to measure blood pressure and fill out charts. I have to be friendly and social with the patients in order to get some bits of information they wouldn't just tell me outright. And I also do a lot of research on the history of nursing and medicine."
         "Sounds interesting."
         "Also, even though it's not directly related, I have learned how to treat gaping flesh wounds."
         "Oh! That sounds useful."
         "I thought you would say that."
         The conversation continued on haltingly for about a half hour. It was only until about that point where they both fell back into the comfortable pattern they had at the restaurant.
         "...and then my mother instructed me never to go back there, and if I did she would come after me and beat the crap out of me!"
         "Oh no!" Phoebe exclaimed with a giggle. "Did you ever go back?"
         "Of course. I was just more secretive about it," Alan replied with a sly smile.
         "Hah...way to be rebellious."
         "Well, you're pretty rebellious yourself," Alan commented.
         "What do you mean?"
         "Your attraction to girls. That's pretty good 'piss off your parents' material."
         "I don't do it to be rebellious. I like girls because that the way my heart is wired."
         "But you like men too, right?"
         Phoebe's back began to stiffen at the serious tone the conversation had picked up. "Yes. I'm bisexual."
         "How do you feel about me?"
         "Um...I think you're very nice and gentlemanly, when you're not trying to hard. And I suppose something could develop in the future, maybe."
         Alan reached over to place a hand on top of her. "Well, I'm very attracted to you right now, and I'd really like to show you how good I can be to you. Come sit by me."
         Phoebe did just that, stiffly sitting close to the man, who took her cheek in his hand. As he kissed her neck, she closed her eyes in frustration and clenched her teeth. She didn't want this choice to be for naught; she didn't want to face the possibility that this dangerous decision would end with her losing both the woman she loved and a man who was blatantly interested in her. Still, nothing in her stirred as he touched her skin.
         Perfect timing Phoebe thought when she opened her eyes to find Alan gazing at her. He leaned in to kiss her lips when she slightly moved her head.
         "What's wrong?" he asked quietly.
         "I'm sorry. I don't feel well. Could you leave?"
         Alan caught the question like a punch to the gut. "Uh...okay, yeah," he stuttered, incredibly confused.
         As he put his shoes back on, he tried to set up another date, but Phoebe politely refused.
         "I'll call you, okay?" she said.
         Alan left, and Phoebe closed the door and trudged to her bedroom, falling face-first onto her bed. She felt fine physically, but that nagging voice in the back of her mind had evolved into a shouting, pleading force that refused to be silenced until that man was gone.
         Phoebe had not contacted Kae in a week, nor had Kae tried to contact her. In her efforts to please her brother, she ended up hurting the one person who truly did love her and valued her true self. In an instant, the whole night repulsed her. In an instant, she repulsed herself.
         She rummaged her tiny handbag for her phone and dialed Kae's number.
         "mmrrghello?"
         "Hi."
         "Phoebe, what are you calling me this late for?"
         "I need you to come over. We need to talk."
         "Ungh...can't this wait until I'm fully conscious?"
         "No. Please. I'll come to you, instead. How about that?"
         "urrgh...Fine. Okay. See you in a bit."
         Without changing clothes, Phoebe slipped on some flat-soled shoes and headed down to her car. When she arrived at Kae's apartment, she was buzzed up and Kae opened the door.
         "Hey, it's that dress you bought. You said you had been looking for a reason to wear it, but I didn't think it would be for this."
         "I had a date earlier tonight," Phoebe said, pushing past her.
         "How did it go?" Kae asked, not fully interested in the answer.
         "Really well, actually," Phoebe replied, close to tears. "Until we got back to my place."
         "Look, I'm really not in the mood to hear about---"
         Phoebe held up a hand. "No, just listen. Please."
         Kae stood silent, hoping the stories swimming around in her head were just her overtired imagination.
         "He's attracted to me and told me so. Then he began kissing my neck. I wanted to like it but every feeling in my body was revolting against it. He was too rigid and bit my neck like he wanted to eat me---"
         Kae snorted at that statement.
         "---and I clenched my jaw so hard I thought my teeth were going to break. Then he tried to kiss my lips and I couldn't take anymore of it. I sent him home."
         "So you didn't kiss him?"
         "I feel disgusting enough."
         "But I thought you said you would be happy with a man."
         "Kae," Phoebe grabbed her hand to bring her closer. "I'm happy with you. I love you. This was...a terrible mistake on my part that hasn't shown me a possibility with someone else. It just reminded me of all the possibilities I have with you."
         "And your brother?"
         "Fuck him."
         Kae snorted at that sentiment, too.
         "What the hell is wrong with you?" Phoebe asked, smiling.
         Kae shrugged. "Eh, I just like to laugh. Keeps me sane," she said, lightly kissing Phoebe's forehead.
         "Can I stay over?"
         "Of course. I'll hang your dress in the closet. And when we wake up, you can make me breakfast, as your way of paying me back. Your eggs are fantastic."

-END-