Hit (wo)men

I am on a mission. It’s top secret. So I can’t tell you what it is. We are only 15 minutes into the operation and we have already lost contact with our fearless leader. Her walkie-talkie, cell phone, whatever it was blew a fuse. Or spontaneously combusted. Or something. I don’t know. What?!?!?! I sincerely don’t know what happened to it. Why do you keep staring at me? ALRIGHT! I smashed it with a hammer. Oh, don’t look at me like that. It had it coming to ‘em. Every second it would ring, blowing our cover. Or my captain would accidentally hit speaker phone and we’d have to start all over again. So I meandered off coarse and stole her phone and smashed it with my handy-dandy hammer. Someone had to. I was just the only one impatient enough to finish the job. Anyway, back to the mission. My leader, codename Buckbeak, has a vicious nemesis. She goes by Kelsey of Kolbot. Our enemy, that is. Her hair was the color of rotten fodder with the texture to match. And you know what algae looks like after it’s been growing on a pool surface for an entire winter? If you said yes, then you can picture her eyes. Don’t even get me started on her soul. Right! Back to the mission. So I am second in command, codename Fawkes. I have to lure the enemy away from the garage without her knowing I’m here. Behind the lilac bush. In front of the garage. My original plan was to get a fishing pole and a dollar. You know, like how they do it on television? Well I used a quarter and that didn’t exactly work. So then I just used the key I stole from her pocket yesterday to get inside her house and let the dog out. That worked. Third-in-command, Witherwings, also had a very specific job. She supplied the weapons. Every gun they made, she had. As Kelsey approached, having already locked her dog in the cage, we waited. It was seconds before the time to move. When that time came we had to be ready. If just one of our timings was off, the whole operation was shot. Hehe no pun intended. Okay, pun a little intended. We all held our breath as she made her last few footsteps.
         Now.
         
The next thing I know. . .


                   BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
         Once our ammunition ran out we dropped everything.
“Gotcha,” said Witherwings.
“Good riddance,” Buckbeak added.
“MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA,” I cackled. What did I just get myself into?

Then we heard the door open. Uh-oh.
         “What is going on out here,” inquired Kelsey’s mother. Our natural instincts arose. Fight or flight? Flight.
         We picked up all of our squirt guns and water guns and ran all the way home. Laughing along the way.