Killer Asteroid

Killer Asteroid Beaten by American Spirit (UP & IP News Services)

Earlier today, Astronomers spotted a killer asteroid (designated IKLU2009), at least 7 miles in diameter, heading straight for Earth.  Apparently, it had originated from the Oort Cloud, which is the cosmic debris that surrounds our Solar System. 
Astrophysicists are still calculating its trajectory, and are therefore not sure where on Earth the behemoth asteroid will strike.  As a consequence, the U.S. Delegation of the International Astrophysicist's Union today announced:  "Let the [expletive deleted] come!  We've fought off asteroids bigger than this with one hand tied behind our backs!  Bring it!!!"
  -While shouts of "USA! USA! USA!" rang in the background, the asteroid plunged deeper into the atmosphere, headed apparently for Podunk, Iowa and the total obliteration of the Earth.

IN A RELATED STORY:  Rogue Asteroid Hits Earth, Bounces Off