Zahara's Story Chapter 25d

NOTE: This is a rough draft of a chapter. I'm not so worried about typos or grammar as I am about whether the story seems to be heading in the right direction. So, think of this as a sculpture – I'm keeping the clay wet because I'm still not sure the nose is in the right place. Any feedback will be helpful.

Word Count: 1624

Friday – continued

Once again I put my bag back in my office and walked down towards the park. Ted didn't quite have Leland's social skills so we walked in silence. Ted bought 2 pretzels and a water for each of us and we found a bench in the shade.

I broke off a piece of my pretzel and bit into the warm, chewy dough.

"So, what did you and Leland talk about?"

"Umm, I dunno. Mostly how I'm going to get myself out of this hole."

"What advice did he have?"

"Stop digging."

"Specifically?"

"Well, I think he's going to broker something with Dolores so she doesn't file charges."

Ted snorted, softly. "Y'know, if it wasn't you, I almost wish she would."

I looked a question.

"Oh, come on. 'Assault with a weapon?' You threw a silk scarf at her, and missed!"

"Well, yeah, but it'd been on my head, which is pretty grotty at the moment."

"It's no worse than a teenager's face."

"That's not really a comforting comparison."

"Nobody treats teenagers like they've got leprosy 'cause they've got some zits. It's no different. What else did you talk about?"

"Well, I told you he wants me to talk to someone, a therapist, I mean. He gave me a bunch of places to contact, so I could pick one. Other than that, take things in steps, pretty much. Oh, and he said I need to eat more regularly."

I broke off another morsel of my pretzel.

"Sounds like good advice. What was the five dollars for?"

I took a sip of my water to give myself some time.

Ted wasn't as comfortable with silence as Leland. "Harry, if it's none of my business, you can just say so, you don't have to turn into a sphinx."

"Sorry, just thinking. I gave it to him as sort of a symbolic retainer. I wanted to tell him something, that I haven't really . . . the police don't know yet."

"Oh, something private."

I answered the thought behind the words.

"Something I didn't want to talk to you about. 'Cause. . . , for a lot of reasons, but partially 'cause I knew you'd be pretty shocked by it, and I didn't want you to know."

"Oh, okay, that's fine. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me. . ."

"My brother was one of the men who kidnapped me. He drove the van, and then he and the other man, after I was tied up in the cabin, after Jim had already stripped my jeans off me, they drove away."

'"Oh, God, Harry!"

"His wife came to see me at the office. I thought she knew he'd been a part of it, but she didn't. Even when I told her, she didn't see that what he'd done was a crime. She kept saying I should just say it was a mistake. Hush it all up. Because people were saying nasty things about them. I figured the time had come, I needed to let my older brother know what had happened. Edward hadn't told him anything. Our conversation was pretty bad. But, I accomplished what I meant to do. I told him Edward was sinking in deep kimchi and he should talk to a lawyer. I'd given Jonathan my number at the apartment. I told him not to pass it on to Edward. . . . But he did. Edward called me. You can probably guess the rest, all my fault, I owed it to him, to everyone, to do what I could to smoothe it all down for the good of the family, y'know."

I threw a chunk of my pretzel at one of the ducks who had come up under the trees foraging. It grabbed it and waddled off.

"When was that?"

"I've lost track. Night before my run in with Dolores."

"Wednesday night. After that, you went out and got a bottle of something?"

I laughed. "Ted, I went out in the pouring rain and bought a lot of bottles of something. I'm still on the first one, though."

"Oh, well that's good."

"Speaking of which, do you and Steve entertain much?"

"Some, why? You want us to introduce you to some people?"

"At the moment, no. But I've got a cupboard with whiskey, vodka and gin in it that I need to empty out. It offends me to just pour it down the sink and if you all have people over, I could just give it to you. Oh, and about a quarter of a bottle of jaegermeister and four bottles of wine."

Ted arched an eyebrow at me. "Stocking up for the winter, were you?"

"Umm. Well, you know, I don't mostly drink and never by myself. So, I slipped it in by telling myself I wanted to have stuff in, you know in case I had people over or something. If I'd just bought a bottle of jaegermeister I'd have had to admit it was for me."

"Did Leland suggest you should get rid of it?"

"No, Leland just said I should make a plan about how I wanted to handle alcohol. But, well, evenings are still pretty bad for me. I think if it's not right there, that'd make it easier."

"Do you want to come back and stay with Steve and me for a while? We'd be happy to have you."

"No. I mean, thank you for the very kind offer, but it wouldn't work. It's like by late afternoon I start to get weirdly hypersensitive. The least little thing, and I just feel ready to explode."

Ted grimaced. I guess he'd noticed.

"Leland said to make a daily schedule for the next month or so. I think, I don't know, maybe from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. just needs to be time when I don't have contact with other people for a while."

"Any contact?"

"I told Leland I'd turn the ringers back on my phones, and block calls I didn't want to take. That would mostly be the remains of my family. The rest of you, I'll still answer."

"That would be a big help. Anyway, sure, we'll take your booze. Steve's non-profit, they have fundraisers sometimes, on a shoestring, you know. They'd always be happy to happy to get some free liquor."

"Great, it's more than I can comfortably carry, but I'll drive by and drop it off tomorrow."

"How 'bout I come by and get it tonight?"

"It's really heavy, you don't want to be carrying it all on a crowded subway car."

"I'll take a cab home."

"Ted, I'm not. . . " I forcibly swallowed a reflux of annoyance. "That's a good idea. Thanks."

"Good, now have some more of your pretzel."

Ted's phone rang. "Hi. I stepped out for an early lunch with Harry . . . . She doesn't have her bag with her, so her phone's probably at the office. . . . . Is there something you needed us for? Okay, well, we're probably both going to take off a little early this afternoon. . . . . , bye."

"Somebody checking up 'cause I'm not answering my phone?" I tried to keep the accusation out of my voice.

Ted looked directly at me. "Harry, it's not that we're treating you like a child. It's just, right now, it's still scary for some of us, hearing your phone ring and you don't pick up. That night . . . I kept hoping it'd turn out you'd just gone out to a concert or something. I can't imagine how bad it was for you; I'm not trying to compare the two experiences, but waiting, not knowing. . . . And then finding you, knowing you hadn't been happily listening to zydeco the whole time, we need reassurance, too. For a while, anyway."

"I'm so glad you're gay."

"On balance I'm pretty pleased with it myself."

"Good. 'Cause if you were straight, then I'd be madly in love with you and it either wouldn't work because you were in a relationship with someone else and I'd be all jealous or we'd have a fling that would end up ruining our friendship and it'd suck. But, since you're gay, I can love you as my most excellent friend and not screw it up. . . . Well, except when the sun starts to go down and I turn into evil, acid-spitting, monster Zahara. But other than that, nothing can go wrong."

"It's all for the best in this best of all possible worlds."

I looked at him – that was not a Ted-like statement.

"Steve's birthday. He wanted to go to the theatre, so . . . "

"You saw Candide."

He nodded.

"So what's on your schedule for the rest of today?"

"Mostly organizing. Go through my phone messages and emails so they're not a big blobby monster to avoid. Make appointments. Grovel to Jennifer. . . ."

"Really, what'd you call her?"

"Nothing, I just bit her head off. You think if I stop at the bakery and buy her some cupcakes, that'd help?

"Definitely."

"Good, can I borrow some money to buy cupcakes?"

Ted laughed.

Leland had been right. Approaching the future methodically, in small chunks made it easier. Jennifer tried to brush off the need for an apology. But, in the end I convinced her that I knew I hadn't been easy to be around and I was really going to work on it.

Both she and Ted suggested that I delete any messages from them unread or unheard. Normally, that would have been an irresistible temptation. In this case I followed their request - in fact, most of the messages I had could be deleted after listening enough to know what they were about. I even called my home phone to get the messages off that machine so I wouldn't have to face them when I came home.

"Zahara's Story Chapter 25c" *************************************************************************************"Zahara's Story Chapter 25e"