Monster within the insanity

I sit here.With my head held low.Breathing,trying to catch my breath.My heart racing,my chest hurting.My body tends to shake without me having any control.Everthing people says to me now must go through proper thought process.My mind wonders are bad times ahead of me so the person tries to give me sympathy.Almost as if I am on death row or dying of cancer.Everytime I tend to smile a sour feeling in my stomach that takes it away.People always say that I just need to do what makes me feel good to feel better,but everytime I tend to have fun it gets taken away by my damn anxiety.As the song said it will bring you to your knees.

Embarrasment is a natural thing about this for me.My failures in life have been the main reasons for my anxiety.I have always been strong about it but I fear that I will never be able to break this leash of hell that is around my neck.Oh how I dream of dragging my anxiety into a dark room and chopping off every limb watching the blood rush out,watching it's dead cold eyes turn white,listening to it try to gargle it's last words to me....Sigh..But thus it is just a dream that I fear I will forever have,only to wake up in a cold sweat letting anxiety take my body over again...Laughing at me.Killing my heart from the inside out,until it takes my final breath.