Letter to God

Dear God,
      Why did you see fit to bless me with this gift of invisibility? Most people in this world would love to be invisible, but it's not fun. Invisibility is like getting what looks like a very useful present at Christmas, only to realize that you really have no use for it. I suppose that since you have everything, you really don't know what it's like getting a gift. Let me tell you, it's an amazing feeling. It's even better when the gift is from someone that loves you with no end. You have the people that love you, but do you have the gifts? So you must not know how much of a burden this gift you have given me is. It is a terrible one, a horrible burden.
      So, I'm here, writing to you, trying to persuade you to take this gift back. Invisibility is a curse that only the most wicked souls on this Earth would want to possess. I'm not that wicked soul. I don't want this curse, this burden. My life would be better off without your gift, so I beg you, take it back, let me return it.
      I can sit at lunch and not be noticed by those that I want most to see me. I can stand in a crowd of people and go unnoticed. I do not want that. I want her to lay her eyes upon me. I want her to see me for me. I want her to notice that I am right here waiting. I want the world to just look at me, just once, look at me. But that will never happen unless you free me from my prison.
Let me give you a prime example of what it feels like to be invisible. Some days I can sit in class and not have anybody talk to me. A cell phone, surprisingly, can capture exactly the situation I “see” myself in. When a cell phone goes off in class, people look around in confusion. They don’t see the phone but they hear it. If they had never heard the phone go off, they would never even known that it was there. People don’t see me, but they sometimes hear me, but even then, it feels like I’m being ignored. It’s like I’m that cell phone that people hear, but the student that owns it can’t or won’t answer.
      Do you know how it feels to be invisible? Do you know what it's like looking around hoping with every inch of you that just once somebody would glance your way? When you know what that feels like, then and only then, will you know what it has felt like all these years of my life. All these years being invisible. All these years being alone.
         Let me ask you a question. How many others have you blessed with this curse? How many humans like me have you saddened? How did their lives turn out? I ask you this because I do not know; I don’t know another you have cursed with this blessing. Did their life end in tragedy or did it end in happiness? Did they ask you to do the same for them as I’m asking you to do now? Did they even know that they were invisible? Well, I do. I know that I’m invisible and I’m sitting here just begging you to remove the veil from over everybody else’s eyes.
         But, I believe deep in my heart, that there are and were other people that knew of the gift you had bestowed upon them. Were Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold two such individuals? I believe they were. I believe that those two boys knew they were invisible, they knew it and that’s why they did what they did, that’s why they killed 12 students and 1 teacher at Columbine High School. They simply wanted to be seen. And how about the Zodiac Killer? Was he another one of the ones you gave the gift of invisibility? Is that why he murdered 6 of people and tried to murder 2 more over a period of several years? Did he want to be noticed that bad? Did he want somebody to actually look upon him and see him for who he was, not for the people standing next to him? And how many more people in this world couldn’t take it, take knowing that they were invisible? And how many more will there be?
Just being me, being different in this world is hard enough. Being alone while being me is even harder. Yet you are forcing me to be subjected to one of the most difficult experiences that a person can face. I have friends to help me through and a family, but will they be enough? I do not want to be the next person to break under the pressure, the pressure of not being seen.
Please understand that since I am asking, begging, you to take this gift back there is a way that I want you to do it. I do not want you to remove this curse from me the way Dylan and Eric’s invisibility was snatched away. I refuse to be another statistic. I just want you to slowly remove this burden from me. If you lift it too fast, then I’m afraid that the stress from everybody wanting to get to know me at once could be even more demanding than not being seen at all. I want you to start with her. If she could see me, then everybody else should soon follow. I know you’ve heard the saying “Beggars can’t be choosers”. I’m throwing that out of the window. This beggar is choosing how he wants to be seen.
      So, I ask you this last time, would you please remove from me this curse, this burden, this gift, this blessing, this nightmare? You do not know what this is like, this loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most nightmarish things that a human being can be subjected to, and yet you have seen fit to weigh me down with it. Why? What was your grand plan in the case of my life?  Where am I supposed to go? Am I supposed to go all over the world carrying around this weight that is slowly starting to buckle my knees? I’m falling apart, and your gift is the cause. Surely you don’t want me to wander this life alone and invisible. What kind of life would that be? A life that I’m supposed to carry on with, a life that isn’t a life at all?
If you can see me,
              Brian Shirley