Angel in Disguise

His name is Ronny and he was a complete mess. It had been two years since the divorce and everything had been going downhill for him ever since. He missed the family life and the structure it brought to his life. To make matters worse, he had been working jobs all over the country so he hadn't made any new friends. He had been depressed for months and lately he had been entertaining thoughts of suicide. The only friend he had found was alcohol and he usually drank on his time off. As a matter of fact he had been driving around drinking one Saturday morning when he noticed an old woman thumbing for a ride in town. The old lady was dressed in clothes that were reminiscent of the hippy era from the sixties and early seventies and he thought that it was sad that a poor old woman would have to hitch a ride so hid his open beer and pulled over and offered her a ride.

"Thanks for the lift, I've been waiting quite a while." the woman said as she climbed in and closed the door.

"Where you going?" asked Ronny, then offering "I'm just driving around getting to know the place so I can take you where ever."

"I'm going to the hospital, St. Anne's, do you know where it is? It's about a mile up this road to the right here. I'm going to see my daughter. She's in the psych ward and I come here every day to visit."

The road hugged the shoreline around a bay and climbed a hill to where the hospital stood and it was a matter of minutes before they arrived there. In the meantime they talked about the flowers that were out and exchanged a few pleasantries but nothing of any substance. Ronny pulled up in front of the hospital and the old woman opened her door and let herself out. She turned and with a sweet smile, simply states,

"There are people in here that can help you."

Without waiting for a response she turned and entered the hospital and left Ronny parked there wondering what hell that was all about. He couldn't believe that all his pain was written on his face so plain that someone can read it like a book. Their brief conversation had been upbeat and he thought he acted positively chipper so he couldn't fathom how she seemed able to peer into his very soul. Besides he didn't need any help, all he needed was beer so he could reach his comfort zone, then all his feelings of loneliness and uselessness would be dulled and eventually he would pass out, another day over. As he pulls away from the hospital, little did he know today would be a day he would never forget.

Ronny drove to a spit that juts into the ocean and parked. He sat there for the next two hours drinking beer, watching the breakers roll in and listening to music on the radio. With every beer he settled deeper into depression, wallowing in self pity and seeing only the impossibilities life had to offer. Still, he didn't understand what was happening to him, what effects the alcohol was having on him, how it was only making matters worse. All he knew was, when he only had one beer left, he needed more.

Ronny drove back into town and pulled into the first pub that he came across. He hoped that he could strike up a conversation with someone in there and spend the afternoon playing pool and enjoying the company, at least that would be a brief respite from his tortuous thoughts. When he entered he noticed there was only one group of patrons and they were using the pool table so he resigned himself to a seat at the bar. He spent the next hour soaking up beer and staring at his pathetic reflection in the mirror, decided he'd had enough and headed back to his place with a case of off sales to endure yet another evening of solitary entertainment.

Ronny"s meals were simple affairs and something he usually did only once a day and today was no different. After a light dinner of steamed rice and chicken breast he plunked himself down in front of the television and popped open a beer. He flicked through the channels but nothing interested him, it was like that with everything lately, he hadn't been able to read a book in months and he was once an avid reader. It seemed he just didn't have the concentration it took to read anymore. So his mind would sometimes wonder a little as he drank his beer, flicking through the channels while the welcoming numbness crept ever closer.

It was only four in the afternoon and Ronny was on his second case of beer. He spent the next two hours drinking eight more beer and pursuing ill fated thoughts until he was far too drunk to have any cohesive thoughts. He was well beyond his zone now and reaching an uncomfortable level of depression. You have to hand it to him though, he sat upright for another half an hour mumbling periodically, before finally he gave into the couch.

At eleven Ronny woke up and he felt worse than his usual bad self. He immediately grabbed for a beer and opened it. He has felt like doing it before but somehow it's different this time. It's not a revenge thing, it never was, but he knows this time he can do it. He feels pointless, like a rudderless ship, floundering in an sea of despair and he can't see anyway out of it. As he continued drinking he mulled over different ideas and after some time settled on carbon monoxide as the best choice. He had heard of other people that had used that method and it appeared to have some advantages.

He realized he was going to have to hurry if he was going to get beer from the store before it closed so that's what he did first. Once he returned home he made a list of things he would need to pull it off. It turned out not to take very long to organize everything so Ronny figured he'd drink a couple of beer at home and do some thinking. The first thing that came to mind was a note. He wasn't going to leave one, it was that simple. He figured no note, no blame. Besides this wasn't about anyone else. So that was and easy one. What next, Right. Where? That kept him occupied for the better part of an hour until he finally settled on a cemetery. It made sense to him in his way of looking at things for, as they say, people were dying to get in there. So that was it then, all he had to do was drive out there and set everything up. From then on it would be simple, just listen to the radio and drink until he's ready to pass out. Then it would be just a matter of starting the engine. The truck could take care of the rest.


Ronny drove out to the cemetery and found a good place to park. It took about another fifteen minutes of fiddling around to set up before he was finally back in his seat. He made a decision then and there not to think about the bad times but only the good ones. He figured what the hell, if these were going to be his last thoughts they ought to be good ones. So Ronny sat there and he remembered the good times and drank like a man on a mission. Soon he was at the point to start the truck. Completely resigned to meet his maker he unsteadily reached to the ignition and started the engine then leaned back and opened one last beer. He tipped it to the world, guzzled it down then leaned over to fall asleep.

It's still dark out, the trucks still running, and he's still alive! What the hell is going on? He had a world class headache and the air in the cab was as thick as a London fog. He looks at the gas gauge and it reads empty! He had to think, he had two thirds of a tank of gas, that could have tipped anybody off their stool. As he was sitting there stupefied she suddenly appeared, manifesting out of a luminescent mist, swiftly taking on form. No longer in hippy clothes but wrapped in veils and robes of gold was the old woman he'd given a lift to earlier. Every twinkle of her aura washing over him in waves of unconditional love. Her message was clear and it was the same as last time.

"There are people in there that can help you!"

Ronny bathed in all the understanding and compassion that radiated from the old woman and for the first time in a long time he felt hope. Something very special had just happened to him and he knew his life had changed. He had undergone a spiritual awakening and his life would never be the same. It was a complete, profound and utter change and he could never go back to the way he was. He felt a tremendous uplift in spirits and a sureness about his future, like never before. He knew that alcohol was out of his life and from here on he was going to live a good life. He must have breathed enough fumes to knock an ox down yet he was still here. He felt his life had been spared and he didn't know why, but there had to be a reason, he was sure of that and he was going to work hard to realize it. He also realized good advice when he heard it this time so he drove to St. Anne's and reported to the emergency room staff what had just transpired, minus the vision. They took a blood test and it wasn't long before they knew he was for real. The nurse in charge quietly helped Ronny over to the psych ward where he was to spend the next seven days wondering where the old woman that came here everyday was, she never did come here again like she claimed. He tried asking about her but the staff couldn't help him. The ward brought him down slowly off his dependence on alcohol and let him go. He never did tell any of the doctors about the vision, he was feeling too damn good for that! Now he knows there is a purpose for his life, born again you could say and all thanks to his angel in disguise.