Hate Me

*I know there is A LOT of typos probably. SORRY!*



Hate Me

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head


Adam sat there, but all and all, he wasn’t really there. He was lost in his thoughts, even though he knew it would
bring back painful memories, he continued to let his mind wonder.


They’re crawling like a cockroach/leaving babies in my bed/Dropping little reels of tapes/to remind me that I’m alone/Playing movies in my head/that make porno feel like home


Jessica, his best friend was his girlfriend. The times that Adam and she had shared were like a dream- a very distant dream now. Even through those hard times in Adam’s life, Jessica never shows any weakness. She was always there, but now she was gone and it was all Adam’s fault. He had done it for her though, to save her from him.


There’s a burning in my pride a nervous bleeding in my brain/an ounce of peace is all I want for you/will you never call again/and will you never say that you love/just to put it in my face/and will you never try to reach me/it is I that wanted space


Adam knew it was for the best. Jessica, who was amazing, sweet, and who couldn’t harm a fly shouldn’t know that people like Adam even existed. Like a character from a horror movie, he should be fictional. Adam knew Jessica deserved better, yet there would always be a wanting for her, a wanting for her touch, her words that could anything and anyone. She was like a heaven sent angel. Adam’s own personal angel, but Adam knew it was wrong to love her because Adam was the demon to Jessica’s angel.


Hate me today/hate me tomorrow/hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you/hate me in waves/yeah waves hard to swallow/hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you


Adam thought it was a good thing, for Jessica to be gone. At least, at first he did. To get Jessica out of his crazy lifestyle was his main goal. Adam always thought about her. If she had found the job she had yearned for, if she have the man that she deserved, if he never had started drinking-would their relationship be completely
different?


I’m sober now for three whole months/it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with/the one thing that always tore us apart is/the one thing I won’t touch again


Adam knew after Jessica left, if he didn’t stop drinking, his life would become like it was before Jessica came, complete darkness. A life filled with bottles of stale beer, vomit stained clothes, and Tylenol for hangovers. He decided if he was going to try to move on, he would need to make BIG changes. He enrolled in AA meetings and applied for a semi-decent job. It was a start, it was better than nothing. He wanted to show himself that he could be better than what he had been before, that the real Adam was still there. He wanted to know that he could have been what Jessica needed.


In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so f*cking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind


Adam couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the last things he said to her. That look she had given him, the one of hurt and hatred haunted every dream, or rather nightmare, and waking hour he spent on Jessica. He replayed the final hours in his mind.


“Adam,” Jessica pleaded “let’s at least get you to the toilet. Please!”
Adam felt nauseous. He knew the contents of his stomach were threatening to come up. Jessica basically dragged him to the bathroom, narrowly missing it before Adam’s self restraint failed him. Jessica continued to sit by him, making sure he was able to lift his head to reach the porcelain bowl, that at this moment was Adam’s God. After about ten minutes of lying on the cool tile floor of his apartment bathroom, he drifted to a deep, peaceful sleep having Jess right next to him brushing his sweat drenched hair back.
“Hone, we need to get you to bed.”
Adam reluctantly lifted his head from his newfound pillow of white, ceramic tile. It felt like a hundred pound lead block upon his shoulders. Jessica attempted to help him to his feet, but he pushed her away. “I can do it myself,” he answered bitterly. Hurt filled her voice, “Sorry, I was just trying to help.” “I don’t need your help…at all…ever.” He gave her the darkest look his heart could come up with. “Really, it didn’t seem like it before.” She was trying to regain some pride. Adam abruptly began to laugh menacingly. “You think I wanted you? I just kept you around because I felt sorry for you!” Jessica’s eyes began to fill up and blush took over her face. She nodded her head quickly, “I’ll just go then.” “And never come back. I’m an adult; I’m capable to take care of myself. DAMN, you’re like my freaking mother, thinking everyone needs you! NEWS FLASH JESSICA, I DON’T! Now, why don’t you go home and cry to mommy, you’ll get over me soon.”
That’s when Adam received THE look, the one he would never forget. She looked like she was being hit by an 18-wheeler, getting punched by a pro-boxer and getting smushed by a boulder all at once. Jessica took a deep, stretched out breath, turned on her heels, and walked out of the apartment with a quick shut of the door.


Hate me today/hate me tomorrow/hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you/hate me in waves/yeah waves hard to swallow/hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you


The alarm clock woke Adam from his trance. 8:00 a.m. flashed on the blue screen. Adam hesitantly rose from his bed and made his way to his closet. He yanked his khaki pants and green polo with his job’s logo off the hanger. He had to admit, working at the town’s pet shop was a pretty lame job, but it paid okay so he couldn’t complain THAT much. He continued to dress, ran downstairs, grab a cup of coffee, and hop out the door. He got to work finally, after seemed like an eternity, and set up shop. He cleaned and fed the animals like any normal day, when all of a sudden the bell on the door ringed. He finished with the turtle he was feeding and walked to the register to find a customer waiting, but this wasn’t just an ordinary customer. This person was oddly familiar though. Reddish brown hair, almond shaped eyes, the cutest dimples and a short, hour glass figure. This unique, beautiful thing could only be once person, Jessica.


And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave/ Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made/ And like a baby boy I never was a man/ 'Till I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand/ And then I fell down yelling, "Make it go away," just make a smile/ Come back and shine just like it used to be/And then she whispered, "How can you do this to me?"


“Jessica,” I whispered as her sparkling eyes met mine. Her face became white as a ghost at first, and then a shot of her infamous blush came. “Adam,” she said, barely audible. Tears began to roll down her face, and that’s when Adam’s instinct went into motion. He grabbed her up in a hug like you would do with a small child, but it felt so right to have her in his arms again. It was like they were puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed into her hair. “You can’t begin to imagine. I..I..I don’t even know what to say.” Jessica looked up at him with big green eyes that shimmered with tears.

“Why?”

“Why What?”

“Why’d you do it?”

“You deserved better than I could ever give you, and you still do.”

“Adam, after you told me you never even wanted me, I died. I lost the only thing that ever meant anything to me. I wanted to go home and never come out again, and I know right know you are probably thinking I am completely overreacting and everything, but all the things coming out of my mouth are absolutely true. When you told me that, I thought I would never be whole again, but being here with you, I feel like I’m dreaming, It can’t be real that you truly ever want me back, but hell, the dream Adam I bet doesn’t even want me either.”

Adam took Jessica face in his face gently and wanted to make sure his message got across. “I want you, I’ve ALWAYS wanted you, and I always will want you, for the rest of my life. I AM SO SORRY and I wish I could take everything back. I want to start over.”

Adam took a step back from Jessica and held his hand out.
“Hello, I’m Adam Holloway, I’m 26 years old and I work at this pet shop, and you are?” He smiled.

Jessica wiped away extra tears with the back of her hand and sniffled. “I’m Jessica Hamilton, I’m 24, and I think we will get along really well.”

“So do I.”

Jess laughed as Adam scooped up her into a huge hug once again.


Hate me today/hate me tomorrow/hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you/hate me in waves/yeah waves hard to swallow/hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you/for you/for you/for you.for you