The Summer Rain

    I hate myself after seeing how his face was as gloomy as the cloudy weather. To try and make everything okay, I attempted a smile, “I’m really sorry, I just don’t know what I want I want right now.”
      He played along, strained a smile, and hugged me “That’s one of the lamest excuses for breaking up.” He let go of me and smiled. “Its fine, I completely understand.” Despite what he said, I knew nothing was fine. “Thanks, Alex, I knew you would understand.” Then we walked away in different directions. I knew he was looking back, but I didn’t dare to look back because it would hurt me too much. I sighed, knowing what happened, happened and it’s over now.
        I think I’m a really idiotic person. I just broke up with a totally nice guy, which I have dated for 5 months, just because I have a crush on my guy best friend, Travis, who, just so happens to have a totally gorgeous girlfriend. Well it’s easy to believe he IS taken. I think Travis is the most fantastic, sweet, sensitive guy I have ever met, and these kinds of guys always seem to be taken. It’s so hard not to like him, and I always have liked him, but now I think I’m actually going to do something about it. We have been friends since the 7th grade, and now we’re sophomores, and closer than ever. But, I think it’s time we turn even close then best friends. I need him in ways he probably would never imagine. He is one of the most gorgeous guys I’ve ever met, with a long, tan face and dark black skater-boy hair, with deep dark eyes that almost look black, really are brown. He’s tall, with a slight build. He is a really sweet, funny, laid-back kind of guy.  He was the kind of guy that you just want to be with for a long time.
      I’ll never forget the day we met. He was new to our school, and I was hearing whispers about the “new kid”, so obviously I wanted to see him. People were saying that he was emo, and he seemed so depressed. I got a look at him, and I was surprised. He didn’t look emo at all to me, but he looked like a puppy that got kicked all the time. I saw the T-shirt of my favorite band on it. I went up to him and I told him how much I loved that band, and we started a conversation. He was hesitant at first, but then he started really becoming happy to talk to me. Then after we started talking we couldn’t stop. We were in all classes together, and sat next to each other in every class. Before we knew it, we became best friends. Now, we blabber about everything and anything. Our conversations end up being hours. We are inseparable. He knows exactly how to cheer you up. One time, I was devastated from a bad breakup. When he saw me crying, he didn’t say anything, he just held me. In my head I was thinking that Travis is such an awesome guy, and how much he means to me and- BAM! It hit me. He’s the guy for me! I looked at how perfect his lips are and how much I want to kiss him and how all these years I’ve always felt something and never wanted to admit it. As if on cue, he told me that he started talking to me the day we met was because he knew he could trust me by just looking at me. He said that any guy could be lucky to possibly have me. That made me positively fall in love with him.
      I knew I had feelings for him. I always hide it, and realized that it’s time I show him how perfect we are for each other. Even while I was dating Alex, I knew the perfect guy for me was Travis and only Travis. He’s the only guy I can see myself with. I just decided I would break up with Alex yesterday. Just now, Travis sends me a text message. It’s funny how that happens. I was just thinking about him and then he texts or calls me. He told me to meet him at his house tomorrow (his parents aren’t home) to hang out. I smiled. Every week, we always spend time with each other. It’s like a ritual. We usually always hang out until 11 or 12, and those are the days we watch movies, and play video games. I call it my excuse to see him. My parents are always gone, so we usually hang out at my house, but I guess it’s his house this time. I took a deep breath, the sweet summer air filling my lungs; I looked up and realized that the clouds cleared up, and the sun was warming my face, even though I don’t think it’s the sun making me feel warm.
    I came home, with no one there, to ask me how I’ve been or where I was. Am I honestly that pathetic that my own PARENTS don’t even wanna spend time with me?  As long as I’ve remembered, my parents go to vacation, parties…..without me. When I was little, they hired nannies or dropped me off at some relative I’ve never even talked to.  Now, I’m older, and they leave me home alone, giving me a couple of thousands of dollars to live on. Whenever I actually get the opportunity to talk to them, it’s so awkward and silent, as if they wish they weren’t even there. Right now, my parents are vacationing all the way to Europe for the whole summer, and probably for the rest of the year. They gave me 2,000 dollars to survive on, and just left. No hug, no I’m going to miss you. Just an awkward goodbye.
    The people, who I really consider parents, now, are probably all my friend’s parents. They have always made me feel loved and took care of me. Other than Travis, I have one best friend who is just like my sister. Her name is Juliana
    Juliana is the rebel. She has brown and neon green hair, wears skulls everyday, and listens to music 24/7.  She and I get along so well it’s not even funny. She’s dated a tremendous amount of guys but she’s independent, so I admire her. We are probably the one in our group that is most like me, and we have a lot to talk about. The only difference is she’s shy, and doesn’t do anything wild unless she’s around her friends. She’s fun to be with, and is really sweet.
            Travis has a guy best friend too. Of course, he’s also my best friend and Juliana is Travis’s Friend, too. So it’s just the four of us. His name is Jake.  He and Juliana are dating, and they are probably going to get married. He’s so amazing and awesome. Jake is the hot, skater boy that also plays the bass guitar. I’m not lying; I used to have a crush on him, but I kind of found him too good to be true. Plus, I never really had a REAL crush on him.  Trust me; he definitely IS too good to be true. He’s extremely cocky and shallow when it comes to dating. He’s also a real player. I don’t like the idea that much of Juliana and him dating. Somehow, I think they will work out. We play guitar and video games together, and we make perverted stupid jokes all the time.
    More than once, Juliana and Jake have definitely tried to hook up Travis and I, but it never really happened, and with time, I guess they just gave up. Well maybe they didn’t every now and then; I see them smiling every time they see me and Travis hug. Well once in the 8th grade, Travis and I were hanging out, and Travis randomly asked me if I liked him. I was bewildered, not expecting the question and not wanting to tell him the truth. I asked him if he liked me, he said only if I liked him. I told him that I only liked him if he liked me. Then he said fine, and I said fine, and it was over with. We never talked about or relationship in that sense again. I lie on my bed and fall asleep, with a smile on my face, not able to wait until tomorrow…

                                                        ~*~


      I check my reflection in the mirror on a parked car for what seemed like the hundredth time. I know Travis doesn’t even care how I look, but I still get self conscious despite of myself. I spent the whole day getting ready for this, and I’m still self-conscious.  I walked up to his house and rang the doorbell. He answered the door.
      “Hey Veronica,” he said with a crooked smile.
      “Hey!” I said almost too enthusiastically, as usual. He never seems to notice.
      He invited me in and we started to cook dinner. After seventh grade, Travis and I got over the awkwardness of having someone of the opposite gender come over your house.  I guess I learned how to cook because of my parents never around, so Travis and I always cook dinner, but we never have a particular recipe, be just put any random ingredients in. It always turns out delicious, anyway.
      I realized that today’s dinner was the most delicious then it’s ever been. I take a good look at him. My friends say that look-wise me and Travis are pretty good with each other. (They said personality-wise, we’re soul mates.) I’m not really that sure though. I have tan skin, an oval face, curly black hair, light brown eyes, and I’m curvy and medium heighted. I think I’m pretty cute, but I could be A LOT better. I’m the crazy girl that shouts random things in the hallways. I play electric guitar, and video games. I’m extremely funny in that sarcastic, stupid sort of way. Travis loves me for being different, even when I don’t love myself.
    After we ate dinner, we played video games. I’m a sucker for video games. I hate girls who don’t like them, I’m obsessed with them. Travis loves me for that. We always play them; our main video game is Guitar Hero. I always beat him. He says that one day; he’s going to beat me. But my mind was so distracted today that this time, he really did beat me.
    “Come on, Veronica, say it” Travis smirked.
      I rolled my eyes. “Fine…Travis finally defeated me, and officially is the King of Guitar Hero”
      He laughed and started to tease me. I just smiled. Then he stopped. “Are you okay?  You usually get really mad when I tease you.
    “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.” I said, and changed the subject. We started talking, and laughing about everything.  I think we lost track of time because by the time we looked at the time, it was 2:00 A.M.
    “Oh Shit! It’s so late!” I started to get up. “I should get going…”
      “Uhh you can stay here if you want,” he mumbled, his cheeks going slightly red.
      “Are you sure?”
      “Sure, why not.”
      “Okay.”
      He was sleeping on the couch, and I was on his bed, and I could feel myself blushing. Even though we’re great friends, these kinds of things are still kind of awkward. But, I was sleepier than I thought, my eyelids were getting heavier. Suddenly, then Travis speaks.
      “Veronica?”
      “Hmm?”
      “I-I Think I’m going to tell Courtney I love her.”
      “Oh. Um…that’s great!” I attempted a smile. Courtney was his girlfriend, I suddenly realized he was taken, I completely forgot, and I’m disappointed as heck.
        “I know, I’m so happy- Oh My God, why are you crying?!” He sat on the bed, wiping away my tears.
        “Oh um, nothing. It’s just that me and Alex broke up.”
        “Aw, Veronica…” He hugged me. I would’ve been wide awake, but I was getting really tired and close my eyes and fell into a deep sleep…..
                                                       
                                                              ~*~
         
      I woke up to find myself in Travis’s arms. I think he ended up falling asleep here instead. He was still sleeping; his hair slightly messed up, his mouth slightly open. I didn’t want to admit it, but he kind of looked hot. I got out of the bed as quietly as I could, careful not to wake him, and went in the kitchen to cook some pancakes. I could barely make them; my head was spinning and my hands were shaking because I was totally freaking out. Seriously, I HAVE to stop thinking so much, or else I’m going to get myself in a panic attack one day. But I was sop freaking happy. I FELL ASLEEP IN TRAVIS’S ARMS! That’s like the cutest thing ever!
      I heard him coming in the kitchen. “Good morning.” I said rather quietly, because of what happened last night. I find it kind of awkward to still talk to him.
      “Good Morning,” he said as if nothing happened. I wonder if he noticed that I actually slept in his arms, or if he remembered anything from last night. But, I’m not going to be the one to bring it up. He saw me mixing pancake batter, and he stopped me.
      “I wanna make you pancakes,” he says with a sheepish smile.
        I pretend to look shocked. “TRAVIS? Mr. Manly McManly Pants? Wants to make his best friend pancakes? What has the world been coming to?!”
        “Shut up,” he says, throwing pancake batter at me.
          I scream when it hits my face, and he cracks up. I take a whole scoop of pancake batter and whipped it at him, landing in his hair. He yelped, and pretty soon, we were in a pancake batter fight. When we were done, both of us were covered in pancake batter, and the whole kitchen was a mess. I helped him cleaned it up, and then actually decided to cook some pancakes. Then we ate.
      “These are THE WORST pancakes I’ve ever had in my life,” I laughed.
      “Ha-ha, I know me too. Guess what? I’m going to surprise Courtney by telling her that I love her,” He said happily.
      Shit. I just remembered what he told me last night. Ugh. I suddenly just lost my appetite.  “Oh. Sorry, but I got to go. I have things to do.”
      “Umm Okay… Bye?” Travis looked confused and trying to figure out if he did anything wrong.
      I didn’t walk out of the house, I ran. I ran all the way to my house and couldn’t see anything because there were a blur of tears. I know I sound really desperate for this guy, and that I shouldn’t even be jealous because she’s his girlfriend and it’s not his fault he doesn’t like me, but I really care about him a lot. This Courtney doesn’t even deserve him. She’s your average blond haired-blue eyed, perfect bodied bitch. She cheats on her boyfriends and plays with their heads. She and I have hated each other since 7th grade and she’s only dating him to get me pissed off. Everybody knows that…except for him. We’re forced to be nice to each other around him. The worst thing about her is how much I wish to be her. She’s absolutely perfect, rich, and has everything a guy could want in a girl, looks wise. That’s why Travis was able to fall for her so quickly. Girls like that could get whatever they want because they have some sort of mystical power, that make guys into obsessive idiots.
      Compared to her I’m just well….Veronica. It’s not exactly that exciting to be dating someone like me. This whole situation sounds like the everyday usual, stupid love story. The stories where the girl that is just a friend will get the guy, and they’ll live happily ever after. Those stories are even more upsetting when you know what really happens. In reality, the best friend doesn’t get the guy. She always loses.
      I don’t know how long I’ve been crying, but by the time I stopped, it was pouring rain. I’m no longer sad. I’m angry with myself. I shouldn’t be crying over a guy like this. If he doesn’t like me, that’s his problem. I don’t care if he’s my best friend, I can’t let someone make me feel like this. I’m having this vision that I give myself a total hot makeover. I have this strange habit of wanting to improve myself when something goes wrong. I guess it’s better than, sitting there like a useless lump, and it sure benefits me. But sometimes I get frustrated and hurt myself. I don’t really want to get into that, though. If I give myself a makeover, Travis would keep staring at me, while I go and flirt with other guys. Then, he’ll regret not ever going out with me. Wow. I have stupid, hopeless visions. Whatever, I’ll imagine it for my own benefit. 
      I get started. I make myself as clean and fresh as possible, as I bring my special outfit out from the back of my closet. I’ve never worn it because it’s kept only for a real life emergency. Even though I don’t consider this one, I’m going crazy anyway. Crazy people are allowed to do whatever they want. I pluck my eyebrows, they’re getting ridiculous, and surprisingly, I’m able do my makeup perfectly. As a final touch, I spray myself with my best, most expensive perfume. I think I look absolutely amazing. But then it hit me- now what? Travis is with Courtney, and he’s at her house or something. I got dressed for nothing. Well this sucks. Well once again. I’m crazy, so whatever.
  It’s as if my luck was actually on my good side, because I then looked out the rainy window, and through the mist and fog, and I can see Travis walking miserably down the sidewalk. I call out to him, and he sees me. I invite him in. He got a glimpse of me and looked amazed. “Veronica, you look-“
  “I know. But why are you sad? Oh wait, I think I got the answer,” I said bitterly. “You drool over Courtney, and you think you’re “in love” with her, meanwhile she doesn’t even give a shit about you. You act like an idiot over a pretty face, and now, you probably saw her with another guy.”
    He didn’t say anything but I swore I saw tears in his eyes, and a flood of guilt overtook me.
  “Travis I didn’t mean-“
  “No. It’s Okay.” He looked up at me. His dark eyes looked hard and cold. “You’re right. I’m a real idiot; this shit isn’t even worth it.” His eyes came back to their usual calmness, but I could tell he wasn’t okay, not even the slightest bit. I wonder if it’s normal to be able to tell what his face looks like under his mask. “So...why do you look fantastic today? He gave me a shy grin.
  I blushed. “I just decided to look nice today. Hey, since you and I are both having relationship problems, let’s have ice cream and watch some moronic romantic movie and cry,” We both laughed. We started to laugh and joke some more, as if nothing happened. I could tell that he was okay now, and he doesn’t need her. I love all the great times we have with each other. Maybe, we really are just meant to be friends, and all this craziness of me “falling in love” with him was just all in my head.
      But then the room seemed to have gotten really quiet and hot, and I realize that Travis is staring into my eyes. I just sit there like an idiot, staring back. Well what the heck am I supposed to do?!  He gingerly leans closer. It’s happening. The one beautiful special moment I’ve been waiting 4 years for….he’s going to kiss me! At first his face was hesitant. He looked scared, almost like a small child. Then I almost saw a smirk and before I knew it, his lips touched mine. I felt like there was a thunderstorm inside of me. It was so electrifying, and everything and more that I hoped it would be. I closed my eyes and he touched my cheek. I started to lean into him, and wrap my arms around his neck. Even though I knew that kiss only last for minutes, it seemed like hours. But, to my dismay, our lips separated. I could feel my face getting hot and having a shocked look on my face.
    His eyes remained closed for a couple of seconds, and then he opens them. He sees my facial expression, and I can tell he’s blushing. I think he’s taking it the wrong way, because he says he has to go. I don’t stop him. I’m too shocked, I can barely move. I’m an idiot got letting him leave, but I am confused as fuck now. I mean, does he like me? What was that kiss all about? Was this just because he needed love because of Courtney?
    But then I thought about the kiss and smiled. It was amazing.