Excerpt - He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!

PROLOGUE



“He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. Oh, yes, you all remember the game. Well, starting today, we are going to change the way we play. Now, repeat after me. I love me. . .” A brief pause. “. . . whether he loves me or NOT!”

The crowd of mostly women stood, giving a thunderous round of applause as Dr. Gwendolyn Goldsby-Grant ripped the last petal from the daisy and flung it over her shoulder.

Khadejah could not believe the energy flowing through the charged crowd. The “Just Sisters” forum was exactly the pick-me-up she needed. She had considered not attending the third annual Essence Music Festival, but, at the last minute and with the urging of her best friend Vanisa, she finally decided to come.

“Girlfriend is working it, isn’t she?” Vanisa asked her friend.

“I know, V. I just wish my friends and I could have heard it a few years ago. It would have saved us a lot of undue stress and heartache,” Khadejah replied.

“You know, Dee, sometimes life is the best teacher, because you can’t do better until you know better. Like Susan Taylor said earlier, we need to develop our spiritual selves, learn who we are and what we want from life, and then we can attract our true soul mates.”

Khadejah turned to Vanisa. “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve had your soul mate forever. But I ain’t mad at you. I just wish everyone could be here to hear these dynamic speakers.”

“Well, they’ll be selling tapes afterwards. You could always pick up a few and give them as Christmas gifts.”

Khadejah turned to her friend and nodded. Good idea, she thought.

As Sister Souljah was being introduced, Khadejah thought back to when she was living in darkness with no direction and no hope of finding a light at the end of the tunnel. Although she had never been as pitiful as some of her co-workers at the accounting firm of Montgomery, Sinclair, she knew that she had wasted a lot of valuable time chasing love.





<b>Part I

Justice</b>



Hell and destruction are never full;

So the eyes of man are never satisfied.

Proverbs 27:10





<b>Chapter One</b>



1982 –



“Hi, Mama Johnson, is Khadejah in?” Vanisa Harris asked. Ever since she and Khadejah had declared themselves best friends, several years earlier, the peppy teenager had been a regular at the Johnson household.

“Yes, honey, I’ll get her for you,” Mrs. Johnson replied. “Khadejah, Vanisa is on the phone.”

Khadejah ran up to her bedroom where she could talk outside of her mother’s hearing range. “I got it, Mom,” Khadejah called down the stairs breathlessly. “What’s up, girl?” she said into the phone. “Are we in or not?” A new teen club called Cassie’s opened in town, and the girls had been trying to get in for weeks.

“Yes, girl, I got the passes, but that’s the least of your worries. Just how do you plan on getting out of the house?” Vanisa knew the answer before she asked. Khadejah would tell her mom that she would be sleeping over at Vanisa’s house. Vanisa’s mom was cool when it came to curfews, letting Vanisa stay out until one o’clock on Friday and Saturday nights. The girls never let Vanisa’s mother know that Khadejah was supposed to be in by eleven, regardless of what night of the week it was.



Khadejah and Vanisa met on the first day of their freshman year at Northeast High School. It was during gym class when Khadejah, who was not having the best of days, heard someone behind her whisper, “Hey, girl, what’s your name?”

She turned around to see who was speaking. The girl who had asked the question was sitting on the top row of the gymnasium bleachers. Khadejah pointed to herself, questioning if the girl was speaking to her. When she nodded, Khadejah climbed to the top bleacher to join her.

“My name is Khadejah, but most people call me Dee. What’s your name?”

“Vanisa,” she replied. “Do you have Mr. Clarke?” she asked referring to the Physical Education teacher.

“Yes, I do.” Khadejah was trying to decide if this girl was someone she wanted to be friends with.

Vanisa was what people referred to as a red-bone. And although she had the skin tone and long hair that, to Khadejah, were the hallmarks of so-called African-American beauty, she would always have to deal with her weight. She was about five-feet-five and Khadejah guessed, about a size twelve.

Khadejah, on the other hand, was tall and a perfect size six. She had developed a great deal over the summer. Her parents enrolled her in modeling classes, hoping to help her move beyond her issues regarding her height. Entering puberty had been hard for her because she was taller--standing five foot nine by the time she was thirteen--than most girls her age. As if her height wasn’t a big enough problem, she felt unattractive because of her dark complexion. But as summer wore on and she began to develop breasts and curving hips, she started to appreciate her slender build.

In Khadejah’s mind, a person’s first impression of you was based heavily on your physical appearance. First, there was your skin color; next, your hair texture and length; last, your weight. A light-skinned sister with long hair and a few extra pounds would beat out a dark-skinned sister with short hair and a perfect figure any day.

Since middle school, Khadejah felt she was viewed differently because of her complexion. It wasn’t that she was all that dark. In fact, she had a rich mahogany skin tone. Nonetheless, she felt slighted more times than she cared to remember.

For instance, there was a girl named Kara, who had been her best friend from second grade through seventh. She was multi-ethnic, with the longest and thickest jet-black hair Khadejah had ever seen. Until they reached middle school, there never seemed to be a problem, but then Khadejah started noticing that everyone was nicer to Kara than they were to her, and that all the boys trailed behind Kara, as though she had cast some sort of mystical spell on them. Not that Khadejah wanted to be bothered that way, but it would have been nice to be noticed.

Then there was Asia, Khadejah’s older sister. Asia inherited her smooth creamed-coffee complexion from their mother. They both were blessed with shoulder-length hair, although as time went on they each decided that shorter was better. For as long as Khadejah could remember, Asia always dated the most popular guys in school, and it was no surprise when she won Homecoming Queen her senior year of high school.

Khadejah glanced at Vanisa, realized what she was doing and quickly shrugged off the negativity. She hated when people judged her by her looks, and she refused to play the game. She made the decision to give Vanisa a chance, and thus their friendship took flight.

Now, nearly four years later, she could barely remember what life had been like before she had Vanisa for a friend.







Friday rolled around quickly. As Khadejah left for school that morning, she reminded her mother that she would be going straight to Vanisa’s house afterwards. “See you tomorrow around noon. I have to be to work at one thirty, so that should give me enough time.”

She was almost out the door when her mother caught up with her. “What are you two planning on doing?”

“We’re going to the mall after school, and then to the basketball game.”

“Well, be careful and don’t be hanging around too late at McDonald’s. I know how that place is on Friday nights. And don’t let me find out that you were in the streets all night either.”

Leona Johnson knew she was strict with her daughter, but Khadejah was the youngest of three and, so far, the family was batting a thousand. Asia was a sophomore at USF, where she was majoring in computer science, and Joshua was already an established businessman.

She and her husband worked hard to ensure that their children had better opportunities to succeed in life than they were given. Neither of the Johnson’s had a college education. Khadejah’s father, known to all as Papa Julius, attended school only until he was old enough to work on his family farm in Miccosoukee, Florida. At the age of twenty, he moved to St. Petersburg after hearing about a company there that was hiring and race wasn’t a factor. He had been with the same company since.

Leona Johnson, better known as Mama Johnson, worked her way through the ranks of the local telephone company. A few years earlier, she was promoted to a senior management position. It had taken her nearly twenty years of hard work and sacrifice to raise three kids, work full-time and attend night classes at a local business school, but it all paid off in the end.

She and Julius had sacrificed much to ensure that money would be readily available for each child to attend college. If college was not in their plans, then they had to learn a trade and be self-sufficient by the age of twenty-two.

She frowned as she watched her daughter go. Three months and Khadejah would graduate from high school and then go on to college. Her youngest made good grades and didn’t hang out with a bad crowd, she reassured herself. With luck, she’d turn out as well as the other two.



<b>Chapter Two</b>



It was nearly eleven o’clock when Khadejah and Vanisa pulled into the parking lot of Cassie’s. After the basketball game, they had gone to Joshua’s condo to change into their new outfits. Khadejah often used the spare key her brother left at home to visit his condo when he wasn’t there. Once, he had come home early and caught her and a guy making out on the sofa. Khadejah thought she would die right then and there--not because she was busted, but because Joshua physically removed her date from the condo and then threatened to take her home so she could tell their parents.

After an hour of her begging and crying, Joshua finally agreed not to tell, but he gave her a stern lecture and made her promise that she would use protection if she decided to go all the way. “Khadejah, you know it would kill the folks if you came up pregnant,” Joshua had said. “So please be careful, and don’t let some jerk talk you into something you’re not ready for.”

The club was already packed, and a line had formed alongside the building. Khadejah was a little nervous about having to stand in line. The Jock Stop, the restaurant and sports bar Joshua owned was located in a strip mall across the street. All she needed was for her big brother to spot her and come running over to totally humiliate her in front of all these people. So, she was relieved to find out that, since she and Vanisa had passes, they could go to the head of the line.

Cassie’s had all that an adult nightclub had to offer, except that it didn’t serve alcoholic beverages. Inside, there was a small, fully lit area where a cashier stood behind a high counter taking money. A bouncer stood at the end, stamping patrons’ hands after they had paid. Straight ahead were double doors leading to a large room with red carpet and mirrored walls. The dance floor was small in comparison to the number of people packed into the place, and the limited number of tiny tables made them a highly valued commodity.

The two girls had just ordered sodas when a tall, thin guy took Vanisa by the hand and led her onto the dance floor. They danced until the deejay put on a slow song. Then, before the guy could ask her for the next dance, Vanisa was back with Khadejah at the side of the bar.

“Why didn’t you stay out there and dance with him?” Khadejah asked.

“Girl, I don’t know how to slow-dance,” Vanisa said, feeling kind of embarrassed.

“Just let him lead. Besides, with all these people, all you can do is stand there and let him grind a little bit,” she was about to point to the dance floor for emphasis when someone took her hand and pulled her toward the slow-moving crowd.

By the time LTD’s Love Ballad ended, Khadejah had learned that her captor’s name was Terrance Newsome. Terrance was the star basketball player at Gibbs High School and the top prospect in the State; he was six feet three and had a medium build. Khadejah loved the fact that he was tall and only wished there was more lighting so she could get a better look at him.

When Khadejah returned from the dance floor, Vanisa shook her head. “I can’t believe how you let that guy rub and kiss all up on you like that.”

Khadejah sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes as she turned away from Vanisa. After Vanisa finished her tirade, Khadejah suggested they go to the restroom.

They returned to the dance area minutes later and the guy Vanisa had danced with earlier stopped them. “Hey, girl, where you been hiding? My name is Bobby, and this is my boy Teddy.”

Vanisa looked the two over, deciding they weren’t half bad. “My name is Vanisa and this..,” she turned to find Khadejah gone.

Vanisa spent the next forty-five minutes half-listening to Bobby and half-looking for Khadejah. Her friend reappeared around twelve thirty with the guy she had slow-danced with earlier. “Vanisa, this is Terrance. We’re going outside to talk. I’ll be ready when you are.”

As the two sat in Khadejah’s car talking, she gave Terrance a good look-over. She liked his deep sienna complexion and found herself gazing into his deep brown eyes as he talked about basketball and his belief that he would someday make it to the pros.

Khadejah placed her hand on Terrance’s left arm to squeeze the muscle he was now flexing. She giggled and thought, what a show off! The thought of possibly dating someone as popular as Terrance excited her, even if he was a little conceited.

Ten minutes before one, Vanisa walked up holding hands with Bobby. She introduced him to Khadejah, and then asked her for a piece of paper and a pen. Vanisa and Bobby exchanged numbers while Khadejah and Terrance said goodbye and promised to hook up the next day after she got off from work.

It was 1:15 am when they arrived back at Vanisa’s house. Mr. Harris had just walked in from working a double shift at the electronics company. “You two running a little late, ain’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy, I’m sorry. We lost track of time,” Vanisa said, knowing her father wasn’t mad.

“I remember how it used to be, girl. Go ‘head on before your mother gets up.” He kissed Vanisa on the forehead and started toward his bedroom down the hall.

Once they were in Vanisa’s bedroom, Khadejah fell backward onto the spare bed. “Your parents are so cool. If that had been my dad, he would have gotten my mom up and, after a long lecture, they would have called your parents to come pick you up. I will be so glad when August gets here and I’m on my way to Atlanta and freedom.”

A year before, the two had decided to attend college together. However, things hadn’t turned out that way. Khadejah decided she wanted to be as far away from home as possible and Vanisa wanted to stay in Florida. They had both been accepted to Spelman, the predominately black female college in Atlanta, Georgia. But over winter break, Vanisa informed Khadejah that she was going to Bethune-Cookman in Daytona Beach.

“I don’t know, Khadejah. The way you were carrying on tonight, I think you need to find the nearest convent.” The two laughed.









<b>Chapter Three</b>



Khadejah returned home the next day to learn Terrance had already called. Her mother wanted to know who he was and where they’d met. Although she was allowed to date, Khadejah never had a real boyfriend. The first time she brought a boy home, her parents wanted to meet his parents, and, as if that wasn’t bad enough, they sat in the family room the whole time he was there. That was the last time Khadejah invited anyone over. If a guy stopped by, she usually stayed outside in the yard or went for a walk in the park down the street. The closest thing she’d had to a real boyfriend was Eric, but she hadn’t seen him since Joshua had literally thrown him out of his condo six months before.

“I met Terrance last night after the game,” she told her mother. “He plays for Gibbs.”

She knew not to tell her mom where she’d really met him. Even if she were home by eleven, her mother would not approve of her going to Cassie’s. Khadejah heard Joshua tell their parents how, on Friday and Saturday nights, many of his customers complained about the crowds. He had also told them about the young girls who came into his place after Cassie’s closed and were dressed like ten-dollar hookers. She’d heard her mother exclaim, “I know Khadejah wouldn’t be caught in a place like that.”

“Well, don’t get your head all up in the clouds over this boy. I’m sure he has a girlfriend already, and you don’t need the aggravation.”

“You know, Mom, just because he’s popular doesn’t mean he can’t be interested in me,” she was really proud of herself for catching Terrance’s eye. “Besides, it’s time for me to start thinking about the prom and Grad Night. I will need a date.” This was something Khadejah had been worrying about since returning to school from winter break. She knew that the longer she waited, the harder it would be to get a date.

Before her mother could respond, the phone rang. It was Terrance, prompting her to take the call upstairs in her bedroom.

“So, where you been so early?” Terrance asked, sounding a little irritated.

“I stayed the night with my friend and I just got home.”

“What friend?”

What an attitude! Khadejah thought. “Look, I need to be at work in about forty minutes. Let me call you later.”

“Where do you work and what time do you get off?” Terrance needed to get the full scope of things before he committed himself to dating Khadejah. The last time he got caught cheating on his girlfriend, Adrienne, she hadn’t spoken to him for about two months.

“You sure are pushy,” Khadejah said. “I work at Lerner’s in the mall. I should be home by nine thirty. Give me a call then. Talk at you later.” With that, she hung up the phone.

When she arrived at work, she looked for her friend Gloria, who was a senior at Gibbs and would definitely have the scoop on Mr. Newsome. Khadejah spied the top of Gloria’s head over a rack of dresses near the rear of the store. Gloria was barely five-feet-three and probably didn’t weigh more than a hundred pounds soaking wet.

“Girl, don’t waste your time. Terrance is nothing but a GIGO-ho. He’s been dating this girl named Adrienne forever, and they’re going to the same college in the fall.”

“Well, maybe they broke up,” Khadejah said, feeling a little broken-hearted.

“I doubt it, at least, not now. They have an on-again, off-again relationship, but homegirl don’t play that during basketball season.” Gloria had seen too many girls get their bubble popped by Adrienne. The girl kicked ass first and didn’t bother asking questions later. She treated Terrance like her property and she protected her interests.

At about five minutes before closing, Khadejah looked up and saw Terrance in the doorway of the store. He looked around uneasily for a while, as though he didn’t want to be seen in a ladies’ store. Finally, he came all the way in, but not before the manager informed him that the store was about to close.

“I know. I’m here to pick up Khadejah,” Terrance lied. “Hey, baby, you about ready to go?” he asked her as he approached the counter.

“Terrance, you know I have a car, and I thought I told you to call me at nine-thirty.” Khadejah’s voice was a little icy, partly because she didn’t like his aggressiveness but mostly to put on a show for Gloria. Maybe Ms. Adrienne doesn’t have as tight a grip as she thinks.







For the next few weeks, Khadejah and Terrance spent most of their free time either talking on the phone or hanging out after she finished work. Vanisa and Bobby had become boyfriend and girlfriend, so Vanisa hardly had time to worry about Khadejah.

Terrance was finally forced to play his hand when Khadejah called to tell him she had gotten the following Friday off to attend the championship game between Gibbs and St. Petersburg High. Everything had worked out so far, because Khadejah was always at work when he played. Although Adrienne confronted him on several occasions as to why he was hanging out at the mall so much, he was able to hold her off. Now, he had to think fast.

“So Terrance, why don’t you ride the bus to the game and then we can leave together?” Khadejah suggested.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Terrance was nervous. “We all have to ride to and from the game on the bus. Then the guys are all going to Cassie’s afterwards. Why don’t you just meet me there?”

“Terrance, be for real! This is the biggest game of the year and I plan on being there. If you can’t ride with me after the game, I’ll pick you up from the school when you get back.”

Terrance had to figure out a way to get out of this. “Do you have a ticket? You probably didn’t know that the game sold out.”

“Can’t you get me in? You are the star player.”

“I’ll see what I can do, but if I can’t get the ticket, we’ll just meet at Cassie’s, okay?” When Khadejah said, “okay,” he breathed a sigh of relief.

After their conversation, Khadejah didn’t hear from Terrance for several days. On Friday, as she was preparing to leave school, Vanisa came up and asked for a ride home.

“What’s the sad face for, girlie?” Vanisa asked.

Khadejah explained that she requested the night off to go to the game, but Terrance hadn’t called about the tickets.

Vanisa didn’t want to get involved in this drama, but she had to lay it on the line to her friend. “Khadejah, I didn’t want to tell you this. I was hoping that you would see through Terrance and move on, but—”

“But what, Vanisa? You’re my best friend and if you know something you need to tell me.”

“Well, you see…um, you know Adrienne is Bobby’s cousin? He told me that she’ll be at the game. Terrance knows if you show-up there will be a big mess.” Vanisa hated being caught in the middle. It would be so much easier if Khadejah saw through Terrance’s mess and let go of any hope of being with him.

When Khadejah arrived home, she went straight to her bedroom. She didn’t want anyone to see that she’d been crying. For the last few weeks, she had made a complete fool of herself. She should have known Terrance was full of it. On Sundays they never went to Childs Park where everyone else hung out. He had never invited her to his games, whether she said she was working or not. And although he had met her parents, she had yet to be invited to his home.

“I know what I’ll do,” she said aloud. A few minutes later, she was on the phone with her brother. “Joshua, I have the night off and I don’t go in until five o’clock tomorrow. Can I stay the night? I want to go swimming.” She would hang out at the pool for a while, then head to Cassie’s before the game crowd arrived. Her plan was to confront Terrance when he arrived.

“Sure, kid, but I better not come in and find you hugged up with some creep.” Joshua said.

“You’re the greatest, Joshua. I’ll be over soon.” Khadejah hurried off the phone and began to throw things in her bag. She left a note for her parents, then, instead of going straight to Joshua’s, headed for the mall.

Later that evening, Khadejah stood in front of the mirror in Joshua’s condo, marveling at her shapely figure wrapped in the red and white polka dot silk sheath she’d bought. She’d even found a pair of red sling-back pumps to match. Fastening her earrings, she took a final look, and then headed for the door.

It was nine o’clock when she arrived at the club. The doors had just opened and the place was almost empty. After sipping her Coke for a few minutes, she decided to go into the game room and play Pac-Man. She’d been at the game for about twenty minutes when she heard someone with a very deep voice say, “I know you didn’t get all dolled up just to come here and play Pac-Man.”

Khadejah looked up to find the finest man she had ever laid eyes on smiling down at her. He had a chocolate complexion that was smooth as silk. He was cleanly shaven except for a thin mustache that accentuated his upper lip. He stood about six foot two and, from what she could tell, spent serious time at the gym.

“Hi, my name is Justice. I’m the manager here. And you are?” His sultry voice had her hypnotized.

He extended a large well-manicured hand. She reached out to receive it and said, “My name is Khadejah, and no, I didn’t come here to play Pac-Man. I’m just passing time until my friends arrive.”

When Khadejah stood, Justice took in the view from head to toe, checking out her breasts as they peeked over the top of her dress and down to her long, curvy legs extending beneath the short hemline. The longer he stared, the more anxious he was to find out just who this new beauty was.

“Well, let’s see,” he said. “You could throw the rest of your quarters away playing that juvenile game, or you can go sit up front with me and greet the customers.” He knew she wouldn’t turn him down.

Justice was twenty-eight and the cousin of Mike Greenwood, the owner of Cassie’s. This wasn’t the first time he’d fooled around with one of the girls who frequented the club. The girls loved the attention, and, although he couldn’t tell Khadejah’s’ age, he figured she was around nineteen.

“Sure, that would be nice.” Khadejah followed him through the club, smiling at the girls who looked at her with their eyes bulging and mouths dropped open.

Justice offered Khadejah a stool to sit on and told her to stamp the back of each customer’s hand after they paid him the six-dollar entry fee. By ten forty-five, the club was beginning to fill up. Khadejah and Justice spoke only briefly. He asked her a few questions about herself and was shocked to learn that she was only seventeen and a senior in high school. He decided to step back until he could learn a little more about her family. She didn’t look like one of the typical hot-to-trot girls who hung around the club, and he didn’t need any trouble. No pussy was worth going to jail for, he thought.

At eleven thirty, Terrance and his crew arrived. St. Pete won, 88 to 86. With two seconds left to play, Terrance missed the final shot. His friends stroked his ego, telling him even the greatest player has missed a clutch shot, and there would be other games, but it wasn’t necessary. Terrance had only one thing on his mind, and there she was sitting behind the counter beside the manager of Cassie’s.

Terrance freaked. He’d heard the stories about Justice and his fetish for teen girls. Without realizing what he was doing, he grabbed Khadejah by her arm and forced her out the door. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you know what that nigga is about?”

Khadejah was too embarrassed to speak. A crowd gathered around them, and people started asking each other what was going on. As she composed herself, she saw Justice walking through the crowd.

“Look, young blood, my girl Shelly didn’t show, and Khadejah was nice enough to help me out. No harm intended.”

Khadejah spoke out defiantly. “Look, you don’t owe him an explanation. He’s not my man. I do what I want when I want,” she looked at Terrance then added, “Besides, from what I hear, your woman’s name is Adrienne, not Khadejah. Now, get out of my face.”

Terrance looked even more defeated than he had after missing the shot that lost the game. As Khadejah turned to walk back into the club, he palmed her elbow in the cup of his hand. “Khadejah, please, can we talk about this?”

“You had all the time to talk when I asked you about her weeks ago. Turn me loose,” she pulled away and went back inside the club.

At twelve thirty, she decided to leave. Neither Justice nor Terrance had attempted to speak with her once she went back into the club, and the tension had worn her down. When she reached her car, she heard Terrance call out to her. “Khadejah, please wait. We need to talk.”

“Give it a rest already. It’s not like we were going together or anything. I haven’t even heard from you since Monday night. I guess you forgot about the ticket. Or did you give it to Adrienne instead?”

“Where are you staying?” Terrance asked. “I know you aren’t going home this time of night.”

“Look, Terrance, where I’m going and what I do is not your business. I don’t want to see you anymore!”

“I know I messed up, but please give me a chance to explain.” Terrance pleaded.

After arguing back and forth for nearly twenty minutes, Khadejah finally gave in. She told Terrance he could go with her to her brother’s house for a while but had to be gone by two-thirty. Joshua would have a conniption if he caught him there.

The two barely spoke during the ride to Jazzmen Bay Condominiums. Once inside, Terrance looked around, awed by his surroundings. The entire first floor was done in earth-toned Mexican tiles with southwestern furnishings. Everything from the rich brown leather sectional in the living room to the oak dining room set gave off the allure of class and wealth.

Joshua had a state-of-the-art electronics system, and when Khadejah turned on the stereo, the room thumped with bass. She quickly turned down the volume, remembering how late it was. Thumbing through the album library, she came across one by the Emotions. She put the album on, and then joined Terrance on the couch.

“Terrance, I don’t know what kind of bull you’re trying to pull, but I’m not with it. I was honest with you, but you haven’t been honest with me. Now, straight up, are you or are you not going with Adrienne?”

“Yes, I am dating Adrienne, but I realized tonight that it’s you I want. Adrienne is with me because of my status. Now that the season is over, I’ll hardly hear from her.” Khadejah’s smile gave Terrance a little hope. “Just say you’ll be my girl and I’ll break up with her completely tomorrow.”

He really believed what he was saying. Khadejah was just the push he needed to do what he should have done long ago. Being with Adrienne was good, but over time it had become more of a habit than a relationship. Now Terrance was falling fast for Khadejah and needed to unload Adrienne or lose the one he was beginning to hope would be his lady for life.

Khadejah wanted to believe what he was saying, too, but Gloria and Vanisa’s admonitions kept playing in her mind.

Terrance noted the uncertainty in her eyes and quickly changed the subject. “You know, your brother has a bad-ass crib,” he said as he stood up. “When I make it to the big time, we’re going to have a set-up like this, but about ten times bigger.” He knew his future was bright. If he continued to post numbers in college like he had in high school, he figured he could go in the first round of the NBA draft.

Khadejah pondered what he was saying and finally spoke. “If you mean what you’re saying, then invite me to your house tomorrow to meet your parents. After that, we’ll call Adrienne and you can break up with her while I listen. Okay?”

Terrance felt a little nervous but agreed. He had to prove to Khadejah that he was being sincere.

The large wall clock chimed, it was two o’clock. There was a light tap on the front door. Khadejah jumped up from the sofa in a panic. “Oh God, who can that be?”

“Don’t worry. It’s probably my boy Mike. I told him to pick me up, remember?” Terrance wrapped his arms around Khadejah’s waist and began to nibble on her neck. “We have a little more time. I can have him wait in the car if you want to get into a little something. I never did get a tour of the upstairs.” He knew he was pushing it, but what the hell, he thought.

“Boy, please, I’m not getting into anything with you until you prove yourself to me. I’ll see you tomorrow at noon.” Khadejah wiggled out of his embrace and headed for the door.

As she reached for the knob, Terrance pulled her toward him. “Can I at least have a goodnight kiss?”

Khadejah opened her mouth to answer, but his moist tongue plunged deep into her mouth. He slowly backed her into the door and she felt him swelling against her thigh. Slowly, he lifted her dress over her hips with one hand and slid the other into her panties. When he rubbed her soft feminine mound, a tremble and then a flow of moisture greeted him. “Come on, girl, it’ll only take a few minutes. Just let me slide it in a few times.”

Khadejah quickly composed herself. In one motion, she pushed him back, and then opened the door. “Goodnight, Terrance.”

Long after Terrance had gone, Khadejah lie in bed wondering how long she could hold him off. She was sure that he and Adrienne were having sex. As tempted as she had been tonight, they couldn’t go all the way. She had never gone all the way and wasn’t about to start now.

The front door downstairs opened, then closed, and she could hear two voices. Khadejah knew it was Joshua, but who was with him? She got up to take a peek, but by the time she reached the bedroom door, she heard the door to Joshua’s bedroom close. Soon after, she could hear a female voice moaning softly.

Khadejah lay awake, thinking about what it would be like for her and Terrance. Would it hurt the first time? Would he be pleased with her? But more importantly, when would it happen? She decided to talk with Joshua in the morning.







“Joshua, do you remember the night you told me that when I was ready to have sex I could come and talk to you?” Khadejah asked as she stirred a pot of grits.

One of the things she always admired about her big brother was his sound judgment. He had given their parents a few moments of stress, but in the end he always came out on top of things.

Although Joshua had dropped out of Florida A & M University after his freshman year, he had assured his parents that he would make them proud. When he came to them several months later asking to borrow the remainder of his college funds to start a business, they were skeptical, but Joshua, being the negotiator he was, promised them he would return to school if the business wasn’t a success.

The Johnson’s put up the money and Mr. Johnson went through the grueling process of obtaining a liquor license since Josh was too young to get one himself. Soon after The Jock Stop opened, the restaurant/sports bar and memorabilia store proved to be a big hit. Joshua became somewhat of a celebrity. Along with that status were the many women who wanted to be Mrs. Joshua Johnson.

Stunned, Joshua looked at his little sister. “Who is it, Khadejah?”

“It’s Terrance, the basketball player I was telling you about.” She told Joshua what happened the night before. She even went so far as to admit she had been at Cassie’s.

When she finished her story, Joshua asked her to sit down. “Look, Khadejah, it seems to me that this guy wants to have his cake and eat it too. If he really breaks it off with this girl, which I doubt he will, what happens when you two leave for college? Why start something you won’t be able to finish? You’ll both meet new people and soon forget about each other.” He felt his heart racing as he realized how serious Khadejah was about this guy.

“I really like him and it won’t be so bad. We can see each other during winter, spring, and summer breaks. There’s always the phone and we can write each other,” Khadejah pleaded.

“Just think about this a little more. If he breaks up with this girl, still give yourself some time before you give in to this sex issue.”

Khadejah decided to change the subject. “Who was that you brought home last night?”

“That’s not important. We were both consenting adults, and the key word is adults.” Joshua rose from the table and gave his little sister a hug. “Be careful and don’t do anything foolish. You have a lot of time for this, so don’t rush it.”

As Joshua walked to his car, he passed Khadejah’s car in the drive and recalled the day he helped her purchase it. On her sixteenth birthday, he told her that if she could save fifteen hundred dollars from her part-time job, he would co-sign the loan, plus pay the insurance for the first year. Little did he know that his little sister had not only saved money from her job, but had been saving half of her twenty-five dollar weekly allowance since she was twelve.

Joshua was a man of his word, so he and Khadejah, along with Vanisa, jumped into his BMW and headed north on US 19 where most of the car dealerships were located. Six hours later, they returned with a candy apple red Chevrolet Monza. Joshua had been shocked to learn that his little sister was so efficient and cost-conscious. She had insisted on a used car, arguing that the insurance would be cheaper and that she didn’t want to spend all her money on monthly payments. That day Joshua realized that Khadejah was becoming a smart young woman, no longer his aggravating little sister. Now, after the conversation they’d just had, he hoped she would use the wits she had used then in making a decision that could abruptly change her life.







At twelve o’clock sharp, Khadejah rang the doorbell at Terrance’s house. A girl about Khadejah’s age with a light complexion and long permed hair opened the door. “Yes?” she asked in a snooty tone.

“Is Terrance here? My name is Khadejah…and you are?” She extended her hand as she had been taught many years before.

“My name is Adrienne, and what the hell do you want with Terry?”

By the time Khadejah composed herself, someone had pulled the door all the way open. She looked up to see Terrance looking like a lost child. “Khadejah, I tried to call you. Adrienne and I had a long talk, and we’ve decided to keep seeing each other. I’m—”

Suddenly, Adrienne interjected, “and you are not to call or come by here again!” She slammed the door in Khadejah’s face.







“Khadejah, what’s wrong?” Vanisa asked when she opened the door and saw her friend in a daze on her doorstep.

More embarrassed than hurt, Khadejah told her what happened. “How could I have been so stupid? Joshua told me this would happen,” she said, trying to stop the tears.

“Don’t worry, girl. He was a creep and you deserve better.” Vanisa escorted Khadejah into her room.

Khadejah lay back and covered her face. “Girl is this what relationships are really about?”



This is an excerpt from the novel "He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! by Tracy L. Darity.  For more information please visit www.TracyLDarity.com and www.TracyLDarity.ning.com'