Circulate Chapter 1

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: I'm all right, what's going on?
DATE: 09/ 10/ 00

Mark, it's me, Elisha. I'm alive. I'm alive...

I don't know what you heard from Dad or anyone else, but I guess you know I tried to do it. I cut myself and took Dad's stash of sleeping tablets. I am so embarrassed! It didn't work! Now everyone thinks of me as the freak who tried to kill herself. I can only imagine what Dad thinks. I guess he found me, in the bathroom. But how the hell did I get over here? Did he call you? Has he told you why he's sent me away?

I'm in a hospital bed, typing this from a laptop they gave me. I'm in a hospital wing, it's small with only six beds. From the window next to my bed I can see mountains with snow on the tops, and pine forests, and a huge lake. I'm in fucking Canada, can you believe it? Somewhere called Ontario, or is that the state and not the place? I don't know... I still feel a little groggy. I've been here for 3 days apparently.

I woke up yesterday and there is this female doctor and a female nurse who is looking after me. I'm in a kind of boarding school...? I don't understand... I think it might be some kind of mental hospital/ boarding school or something. Because apparently there are other kids here around my age, in class somewhere. I'm told I'm the only Australian they've had in a couple of years. They get kids here from all over the world, so they say.

So what happens? As soon as a kid tries to off themselves they get sent here? I don't know what's going on... I need your help. I know I'll owe you big time, but can you call and ask Dad what's going on? How angry is he with me to send me away like this? And ask when I can come home. I miss Angela. I wish she was here. I'm going to send her an email next. I wish I could call her, but I'm too scared to ask if I can use the phone to make an overseas call. I don't know where my stuff is or how to pay for the call.

If Dad was going to send me away somewhere, why couldn't I have just stayed with Angela? I'm sure her parents wouldn't have minded. I really get on well with her Mum and stuff. She never minds when I crash at their place on weekends.

I wish it worked. I don't want to be here. Not just here here, but alive. I know you hate it when I talk this way, but it's how I feel. I don't want to be here anymore... and I feel like such a loser that I even stuffed up my own suicide. I couldn't even do that right.

Bye.


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10/ 10/ 00

Dear Diary,

I know it sounds kind of sucky, but that's how I always began in my old diary, when I was writing it down, and not typing on this laptop they gave me. Speaking of which, how weird is that? The laptop they gave me to let me email in the hospital wing, they told me I could keep, to use for my assignments and stuff. It's still officially school property I think though. But if I want I can take it to class and stuff. Man, I'm only in Year 10 and I already feel like I'm about to start University!

I'm not in the hospital wing anymore. It wasn't really a wing or whatever you called it, it was only a hospice which was on one of the floors of one of the four buildings on campus. I'm in my dorm room now, which is on the top floor of Beta Building at Hamilton's College.

Hamilton's College seems to be like a combined mental hospital - slash - boarding school. But it calls itself "Hamilton's College: Making a Mark In Time" in the brochure, which I found on my desk when I was shown to my dorm room. Also in my room were two suitcases full of my stuff. The room comes with a desk, chair, wardrobe, mirror, built in oil heater, bed and two blankets. I found out Dad had packed my suitcases for me, with Angela's Mum's help. So she knows why I'm here. I was kind of hoping that the mere fact of me trying to end my life might have escaped her attention. It didn't. I also got a good telling off from Angela too.

I don't know why she got worked up over it though, she completely blasted me in her email. It's not like I stabbed her in the back or anything, I think it's ironic that the only stabbing or cutting that anyone got was myself! So why is everyone else acting completely offended? Maybe it's like that scene in the movie "Flying High" where that guy who talked all the time was so boring the people who got stuck sitting near him kept trying to kill themselves. Maybe they think I was so bored I tried to kill myself to get away from them?

Anyway I unpacked my two suitcases this afternoon and I saw more of Mrs. Jay's influence than Dad's. I can't imagine he would think of packing my stereo and tapes and CD's and Walkman. The rest were two sets of sheets and pillowcases, two towels, toiletries and clothes. I wonder if Angela helped too? Someone knew enough about me to pack my favorite black velvet singlet top and my silver antique jewelry. I didn't get all of my clothes sent to me though. I had to buy some more in town this afternoon.

They were winter clothes because it's October here and it means winter is coming here in Canada. It's already cold even though technically it's only Autumn here. Right now it feels like a Sydney winter and I saw earlier other kids still walking around in T-shirts! Also that was packed were my two pairs of jeans, Doc Martins and Mum's old brown suede jacket. Now that reeks of Mrs. Jay's influence, I can't imagine Dad noticing what I call my favorite clothes. And once she told me she liked my jacket too. So when I was taken into town by Nell (she was the nurse in the hospice who is apparently also the school's counselor I have to meet once a week) I bought three woolen turtle neck jumpers one black, white and red, black mittens, woolen socks, a white scarf and some stationery stuff for schoolwork and a new school bag.

Brownsville is a very small country town with nearly all the buildings made out of wood. The small department store where I bought my stuff from is also the post office! And there are no police stations, just a RCMP station which immediately reminded me of that TV show "Due South". Remember the one with the cute Mountie? There is a small cinema though which Nell told me once a fortnight students are allowed to go see a movie. That's good. I don't think I could cope with no movies! This place feels isolated enough as it is! And the General store where people buy their groceries also has a small video rental section. I asked Nell about movies being rented out by the students and she said it isn't usually allowed by the Juniors or Sophomores because our grounds privilege depends on being taken into town by one of the teachers. Man that sucks! I must have looked angry or something, because then she added that every weekend they have a video night run by the teachers anyway.

Brownsville only has one main street with a bar, a diner, a chemist (or Drug store as they call it here), the department store (where they have a puny music section and pitiful fashion sense) and a small motel. On the outskirts of the town is the small country hospital with it's own helipad for transporting serious injuries. And the dentist is in the hospital too, where students have to get a check up twice a year. Hamilton's is 10 km's away from Brownsville (man, what a name. Is it called that because all the buildings are made of brown wood?) and there is a huge lake that you have drive around to get from one to the other. Nell tells me that at night, the town can see the lights from the school in the distance, and the school can see the lights of the town. Surrounding us is huge, thick, pine Forrest, and the mountains to the north and south. Apparently nearly all year round they have snow on the top (snow! I've never seen snow before in real life!) and in winter we can ice skate on the lake and sometimes go on ski weekends (of course, taken by a teacher).

Nell seems nice. She is the third person I've met here so far. I've also met Dr. Knight, who was the Doctor in the hospice, who supposedly also teaches Chemistry, Biology and Mathematics here at the school. How freaky is that? A doctor who treats you and then teaches you fractions? And I've met the school principle, Professor Stephen Hamilton, who will be my Literature, History and Philosophy teacher. He came to see me when I was in the hospice and introduced himself and welcomed me to his college.

I’ve probably made a bad impression already, I wasn't very friendly or polite. I demanded that he tell me how did I get here with out waking up after THAT day and fly me all the way to Canada. He seemed a bit elusive, and yet direct at the same time... I don't know how to explain it. His eyes just drilled into me, he seemed to take me in and assess me and accept me all at the same time. He spoke calmly and told me that I had been accepted to Hamilton's under scholarship (but Nell told me Dad will also direct credit my bank account with a monthly allowance - she told me that when we were shopping and I had my purse back) sorry... I got off track. I basically accused him of kidnapping me! He seemed to ... deflect it? (I heard Nell use that word) and patiently told me that he recommended to my father that his college could help me more than my school was supporting me now. So they flew me on over.

Or basically Dad couldn't wait to get rid of his second child as well and now he has the house to himself. But why is he giving me a monthly allowance? I remember last month I forgot to hang out his shirts the way he liked so they would dry wrinkle free and he didn't pay me my pocket money for that week! Then I couldn't go to the movies with Angela that weekend! And now with me on the other side of the world and doing no chores, I get paid? Maybe I'm getting paid to stay away? I still don't know what's going on... but I know the situation isn't as simple as some people are trying to make me see it. This is too bizarre and surreal to be true. Girl attempts suicide. Girl winds up on scholarship to private school in middle of nowhere? YEAH, RIGHT!


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TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: Met some sane people at last!
DATE: 10/ 10/ 00

Hey Angela,

Everyone came back from dinner in the cafeteria and I met two people whose rooms are next to and across from mine and who’ll be in my year. Their names are Nelson and Pat. Nelson is from America and Pat is Irish! Or Northern Ireland as he repeatedly told me. Nelson is from somewhere in the country apparently (or 'the mid-west' as she calls it), she grew up in a small town whereas Pat grew up in Belfast. He doesn't have a laptop in his room but a bigger desktop computer. He does carry a laptop to class with him though, so he says. Genevieve, sorry, Nelson as she prefers (her last name) asked me if I smoke, which I immediately jumped at the chance. Thank god this place isn't going to be such a concentration camp as I was worried it would be!

As we were walking down the hall towards the stairs a teacher I hadn't met yet, Miss Inez stopped us and asked us where we were going. Nelson told her we were going to the library. So she said that it was a good idea to show me around a bit, but reminded us not to get lost behind any of the buildings. Pat gave her this funny smile and said to her, "would we ever do that?" and Miss Inez reminded him that he does it nearly every day. We got away with it and as we went down the stairs I found out from Nelson that Miss Inez is our Music, aArt, Drama and Gym teacher (I think that’s what they call PE over here) plus she's also our Den mother on our floor of the dorms. She, like Nell, look pretty young. I think definitely in their twenties. I wonder how they wound up here in the middle of nowhere to teach around four subjects to kids who are nuts?

Anyway, we got outside and started crossing the oval that's in the center of the grounds, with the four buildings, Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Delta around it. We started heading towards the Alpha building where Pat said the biggest library is and where the classrooms are. It's the biggest of the buildings, but in my opinion they all look pretty big… and old. They all look like stately manors that should be in an English period drama or something... which I can't work out why they're here in the middle of nowhere? And with a shitty little place like Brownsville next to them, instead of a proper town or city or something?

When we reached the building, instead of going up the couple of stairs and inside the doors, we walked around the side of the building and stood just around the corner of the back. Both Nelson and Pat each pulled a packet of their own out and Pat offered one out of his to me. I thought I could use this opportunity to ask them some questions about the school.

I asked them how they got their cigarettes as I noticed when I went to the shops today that a sign said the legal age limit is 21. They told me there's a Senior student in one of the bottom dorm rooms that gets them for them. Cool, I'll have to check that out. Next I asked them how they got here. Apparently Pat also tried to kill himself in Belfast, and his family were approached by Stephen Hamilton to come here, like what happened to me. Nelson shook her head at us and told us we were a pair of freaks. So I asked her what she did to deserve to come here? She said she would have been sent here or to Juvenile Court, but wouldn't tell me anything else. Pat has been here for a year already, and Nelson started last month. Then I asked them if anyone had ever run away? Pat shrugged and said he'd heard stories that kids in the past had tried it, and managed to hitch-hike out of here, and some of them ended up coming back on their own free will. I laughed and asked why, when Nelson said something that now bugs me and makes me wonder about.

"When there's no home to go to, what do you run from?" with that she threw her cigarette to the ground, stumped it out with her foot, than turned around and left before Pat and I had finished. I guess all of my questions had somehow offended her.

This can't be true. I mean, if all the misfits and outcasts all come here, there would surely be more than 60 students attending at a time at Hamilton's, right? So where are all the other kids who have tried killing themselves? Or have criminal records? It doesn't make sense.

"Basically life here is pretty good. There is some disciplining, but basically the teachers let us just get on with it. You'll notice there are no curfews or lights out, you just go to bed when you feel like it. The only thing is if you're a Sophomore, which you are, you have to have supervision when you leave school property. Welcome to Hamilton's School of Headcraft and Heterodoxy. There must be something special about you for you to be here." Pat said to me.

Was he complimenting me? Was he hitting on me? Why does there have to be something special about me to be here? I thought it was just because I tried to kill myself.

We finished our cigarettes and came out from the back and then he offered to actually show me the library as he had to get some books. I said thanks, but no thanks, and went back across the oval towards the dorms, or Beta building as everyone else calls it. I went back to my room and I noticed Nelson's door was shut. I guess that was it for any more conversations with her tonight.

So I'm sending this email to you Angie. It's 10:30 PM. I better go to bed soon, breakfast is at 7.30 tomorrow morning, then I have my first class. What time is it in Sydney at the moment? What's the weather like? Here, there is a cold wind outside, I shivered so much I nearly dropped the cigarette!

I may not have a home with Dad but at least I've got you.

Night night.


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11/ 10/ 00

Dear Diary,

I had my first three classes today! And tonight will be my fourth, which we do at night because it's Astronomy! There are only three classes a day here, can you believe it? Well, except for Wednesdays, which are four because the fourth subject is Astronomy... But the bad thing is they go for two hours! Two hours of Math... eeww! Pass me the razor... just kidding! No seriously, I found out more about this place today.

My day started with me getting up at 7 AM and going to breakfast at 7.30 with these two people I met last night, Pat and Nelson. Pat is a 16 yr. old Northern Irishman who is tall, skinny, with dark blonde hair and glasses. Nelson is a pretty, black haired, green eyed American who has this cool black leather jacket that she wore today, like I noticed she was wearing last night. I wore Mum's old, brown, suede jacket today, over my new black turtle neck jumper. Pat has this really cool Irish accent, and he told me I looked like I was dressed for winter already! But I'm cold already! He's walking around in cargo pants and T-shirt! No jumper, no jacket or anything like that, or a 'sweater' as Nelson calls it in her American accent.

We went into Gamma building for breakfast, where the cafeteria is. Did you know this place also has a greenhouse? It's attached to the Gamma building. There was lots of yummy food on display, like fruit, yogurt, toast, cereal, bacon, eggs, grilled tomato, hash browns, baked beans... it was like the time we stayed at that resort overnight at the Entrance when I was 12, when the full buffet breakfast was included in our stay.

Anyway, I looked around at everyone dressed casual (we don't have to wear uniforms which feels kind of strange because now I have to worry about what to wear everyday!) and I asked Pat what years were all here? He said there were Freshmen, Sophomores, Juniors and Seniors taught here. He said that this school has one of the highest rate of University accepted students than any other private schools in the northern hemisphere!

Wow! So what am I doing here then? It reminded me of something that Pat told me last night over a cigarette, that only special people are chosen to come here or something, and maybe not just the nutcases (by the way, I have to find out what the word heterodoxy means). I found out there are 15 people in the year below me, the Freshman year, 20 people in my year, known as Sophomore, (well 21 now with me here), 15 people in the year above called Junior year, and 10 people in the year above that called Senior year. And at any time that it's not a school assembly or meal times in the cafeteria, there are no more than 10 people per class. Cool. I like that idea. I always liked it when in class we broke off into smaller groups, especially when it got me away from certain people in the classroom.

Soon after I had finished eating breakfast a bell went off at eight o'clock and Nelson said that it was the class bell. Everyone stood up to leave and I followed Nelson and Pat outside. We went over to Alpha building where my classes were. My first class was Math, and Pat went into a separate classroom for another subject, I think Philosophy.

"He's a level higher than us. That's why he's got the bigger computer in his room. He's the brainiac with all things mathematical, technical and scientific." Nelson told me as we sat down. So that explains why he's in a different class. But then guess how we sat down? Our class sat down at a huge circular table! Then our teacher came in, Dr. Knight. She took her seat at the table as well and everyone immediately took their notebooks out of their bags. They also took a textbook out of their bags and then Dr. Knight passed one over to me that she told me to keep.

Dr. Knight seems very nice and laid back. There was a white board behind her but instead of standing up and looking down on us, she seemed more comfortable sitting down and talking to us face to face. She asked everyone to go around in a circle and introduce themselves to me. I was so nervous I forgot half of their names already! No-one else in my class was from Australia, so they seemed interested in me because of that. There were two Chinese girls, who I've forgotten their names already, one Japanese guy Yuichi, and Indian guy Raj, a Pom called Peter, an Egyptian girl named Jordon, a cute Canadian guy named Zack, and the other two Americans, a guy and a girl I've forgotten as well.

During class I noticed the cute Canadian, Zack, look at me a few times. He was pretty open about it. At one point he even smiled at me! I smiled back I think, I just hoped I didn't blush as well! That would be so embarrassing!

Math wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Dr. Knight can read people like she can read the book of fractions in front of her though. A couple of times I looked lost, and she stopped and explained it in a different way that I did understand without making a big thing out of it. And she never said or made a point of me and only me not knowing what she was talking about, but she said, "I can see some confusion, let me try another method." Or she would just say, "So, another way to look at it is..." and once got out of her seat and used the white board to draw her example. I think she was the best math’s teacher I've ever had! But she did set us homework still unfortunately and asked us to not do them in our notebooks, but on separate pieces of paper to hand in.

The bell went and we all stood up to leave. I was right behind Nelson when Dr. Knight asked me to stay a minute or two. She had a quick glance at my notes and commented on how many I made. I got nervous again and asked if that was a bad thing, and she smiled at me and said no, that it was a good thing. It was how I learned, by writing things down and visualizing them. She also said that it's good for her to know that, so she can 'cater to my learning development', quote unquote. Then she let me leave and I came outside to find that Nelson hadn't waited for me. Great.

So I walked back towards the cafeteria in hope of seeing Pat again when Zack approached me. He was waiting outside the cafeteria, talking to Peter, and when I walked past, he said, "So lets hear your Ozzie accent!"

I think I blushed again! How embarrassing! I tried to hide it and said, "what do you want me to say?"

"What do you think we want you to say?" Peter teased back in his English accent.

"What's it like?" Zack asked me.

"What is what like?" Peter teased him.

"Australia you dumbass, what do you think I meant?" Zack elbowed Peter.

"Warmer." I told him.

"So you have all those beaches, huh?" Peter asked me.

"No, I live in the Blue Mountains, two hours away from the beaches." I told them.

Peter has dark brown curly hair and dark brown eyes and wore dark green or grey army kind of clothes. Zack was wearing jeans and a sports jumper. Diary, get this, he has brown hair, blue eyes and dimples in each of his cheeks, no joke! Isn't that the poster boy kind of thing for American apple pie - boy-next-door kind of thing? I was worried that might make him up-himself or a F.I.G.J.A.M. or something, but I ended up sitting in the cafeteria and talking to them during morning tea break. And he was nice! Well, actually, he was a bit shy and Peter did most of the talking.

I asked them when did they start here at Hamilton’s. Peter started just last month (as well as did Nelson), and Zack said he's been here for three months. Now this confuses me a bit, I thought school semesters here go from the beginning of September to the end of May or June? So he was here during the three month school holiday? Zack nodded and said there were summer classes, but the main idea was just getting him away from home and occupied with something else. Peter ran away from home all the time and did drugs to get landed here. Zack froze up a bit and said he was just having trouble at home, and said no more than that.

Before I could get anymore out of them the bell rang again for our next class. Zack asked me what I had next, and I told him it was Ancient History. He said he and Peter had that too and they showed me where the classroom was. Then I remembered who my History teacher would be... Professor Stephen Hamilton. Shit. I was worried I'd already made a bad impression on him, from back in the hospital wing. I was hoping I could just sit at the back of the class and make myself look small, but when we went inside, I found it was another circular table and Pat and Nelson were already sitting down. I asked Zack and Peter if we could sit next to Pat, and they didn't mind. I didn't even say anything to or look at Nelson. I don't think she likes me very much, and the way she's treating me, soon it will be mutual.

Class started by Professor Hamilton arriving and sitting down at the table and he immediately asked if I knew everyone. He seemed friendly, like he didn't have any bad feelings from the hospital wing. There were three new faces that I didn't know, and he made them introduce themselves to me and me introduce myself back. They were Sally from Scotland and Numu from Kenya and Maya from India. I loved Sally's Scottish accent! I know I've been going on and on about the accents around here, but they are so different to what I've been used to. I remember when Dad used to tell me off when I was little for not telling the time the way he liked. I couldn't say 11:40 AM, I had to say "it's twenty to twelve". Now here are all these different people just doing their different thing and saying different things in different ways.

Professor Hamilton asked us to open our books (and I got another new text book - damn!) and we opened to the chapter on Pyramid building in Ancient Egypt. But then Professor Hamilton started talking about something I hadn't heard before, except on those TV documentaries about those Inca and Aztec temples in South America, how the pyramids in Egypt also have certain alignments to the calendar and yearly cycles and magnetic forces that baffles scientists today. And how and why they actually built those pyramids are still under debate by some scientists. This history lesson almost seemed more like an 'X-File' than the boring old reading from a text book!

Then he pulled down the blinds on the windows and showed us slides of computer graphics of how some scientists believed how Thebes (or Cairo as it is called today), looked thousands of years ago, and how the pyramids were 'in all probability' built.

Then Pat spoke up and said, "that's what I love about the academic field, you can say 'in all probability' when really you mean, 'I'm only fucking guessing.'"

I couldn't believe he said that! The whole room burst out laughing! I put my hand over my mouth to try and stop myself from joining in, waiting for Professor Hamilton's reaction. He even chuckled!

Then he said, "But I hope by now Patrick that you have enough faith in me to know that I wouldn't tell you something that wasn't true?"

"So I guess you just jumped in your time machine and went and had a good look?" Nelson crossed her arms and glared at Professor Hamilton.

"Who needs a time machine when time has preserved enough evidence for us to have a good look for ourselves?" Professor Hamilton answered evenly.

Then the bell went and it stopped our discussions in the dark room. I was actually disappointed that the class was over, can you believe it? None of my other history lessons back at my old high school were ever that interesting!

Nelson packed up her stuff quickly and took off again, this time not waiting for me or Patrick.

"What's with her?" I asked Pat as we walked out of the room.

Pat shrugged. "She's like that."

I grabbed a sandwich and bottle of juice from the cafeteria and went to sit outside in the sun to eat it with Sally and Maya. We ended up sitting on the oval, out on the grass. It wasn't windy and we were trying to absorb what little heat there was from the sunlight, when Peter and Zack ended up joining us as well. I noticed Pat and Nelson disappear in the distance around the corner of Gamma building again for a cigarette. I was tempted to go over and join them, but I thought I better not.

"Elisha, what class have you got next?" Maya asked me, checking her time table.

Zack had noticed what I was watching and shook his head at me. "You're not a smoker too, are you?"

"Sometimes." I tried to shrug it off, before answering Maya's question, "I've got Computer Studies next."

"Same here," Zack nodded.

"Nup, Gym for me." Peter answered.

"Yeah, the same." Sally said. "You get to meet the next one."

"Next who?" I asked her.

"The next teacher, Dr. Quentin Myles. If you thought your teachers were, ah, 'different' up until now… wait till you meet this one." Sally smiled at me.

"Why?" I asked, intrigued.

"He also teaches Gym, Astronomy and Physics." Maya informed me. "We have our Astronomy class tonight after dinner, how about you?"

"Yep." Sally, Zack and Peter confirmed.

"He's also a black belt, I hear." Sally told me.

"So? he teaches it sometimes in Gym." Peter shrugged.

"He's got tattoos, and wears his head shaved." Sally continued.

"So, who cares? The way you're carrying on, you make him sound like an ex-con who's breaking his parole by being near children!" Peter laughed at her.

"Well, not many of my teachers in Glasgow looked like him!" Sally retorted.

"You need to get out more." Peter threw a bit of grass at her.

The bell went and I got up and followed Zack, Sally and Maya to Computer Studies and Peter went off somewhere else, looked to be the Delta building for gym. The Delta building was where I woke up in the hospital wing when I arrived here. But that's another story, and I'll stick to this one at the moment. I'm typing this on my laptop in the library. It's 6.34 PM already and I started this entry at 4.45 PM, if I don't hurry up dinner will start with out me! I just want to get all this down first then I'll worry about my Math homework after dinner. Damn it, I have Astronomy after dinner tonight! I'll have to do it after then.

Anyway, our Computer Studies teacher was a hunk! He was built up, head shaved, and had a tattoo of some kind of symbol on the back of his neck! He wore jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt and his voice was really deep and husky. Thankfully I didn't get anymore text books in this class, but he handed out CD’s with programs on them and walked around the room telling us what to do or what we should be seeing on our computer screens.

Pat wasn't in this class, he must be in a class higher than me, but Nelson was there. I noticed that in this class she actually seemed to participate more, and she didn't speak up, she just sat back and watched Dr. Myles. Or it was probably more 'checking him out'. I didn't sit with her this time, and the computer lab had the tables running around the walls of the room with no round tables this time. I think I'll sit with Maya and Sally all the time now. Maya is really nice. She saw I was still on a screen behind everyone else and leaned over and helped me. I think Zack was having as much trouble as I was, because Dr. Myles had to come over and help him with the command codes we were supposed to be using.

For our class exercise we were building HTML pages to put on the Internet. How cool is that? I'll have my own web page where I can put up pictures of the ‘X-Files’, Dan Paris (which reminds me, I'm going to have to ask Angie to tape some episodes of 'Neighbours' for me!) and Kevin Sorbo! Speaking of which, my room looks pretty lame. It's too bare with out all of my old posters! I haven't talked to Dad since I got here, I wander if it would be wrong of me to ask him to send my posters over?

When class finished, Maya, Sally, Zack and I went to the cafeteria again to get some arvo tea. There's still a pretty good lot of food between the three main meals of brekkie, lunch and din dins. They have fruit, fruit salads, frozen yogurt, little packets of dried fruit and nuts, sandwiches and bottles of water or fruit juice. I had a banana and choc chip muffin and hot chocolate with marshmallows! Yum! Then Maya suggested we go to the library and do our homework.

I get the impression Maya takes her studies very seriously. But I thought it was too late for me to go and find Pat and Nelson for a cigarette, so I ended up agreeing with her. I've been here ever since, typing on you instead of doing my Math’s homework. I've never been able to concentrate properly in a library, all the other people distract me. When Zack tried to talk to me, Maya shooshed him! Can you believe it? I would call her a nerd but she has been nice to me today.

It's dinner time now. I'll have to do my Math homework after Astronomy. I better not skip it, I don't want to make a bad impression too soon. I wonder what Dad would do if I ever got kicked out of a place like this? I mean, he just sent me here with out even talking about it! If this place wasn't so bad, I think I would think about running away too.



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TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: Thanks for the offer
DATE: 13/ 10/ 00

Hey Mark,

Thanks for finding out that stuff from Dad. I owe you one big time! And thanks for your offer. It's really nice of you, but so far this place isn't that bad, so it's OK. Also I know living with you I would end up having to pay rent and groceries even if you did cover me for a while, but I'd like to finish high school first before getting a job. Also you would have to ask your flatmates if I can come and live with you, so don't worry about it. I'm OK here, really.

So anyway, how freaky is that? They just showed up at the hospital like that and offered the scholarship to Dad? Almost like the Grim Reaper showing up and spiriting away the children! But I have met Professor Hamilton and he's actually not that bad. And all of the teachers are pretty cool. This school isn't that bad either. The food is nice, I have my own room and the kids here aren't that bad.

I've found out that not all of the kids here are emotionally fucked up, only 40% or something have been sent here by their parents for emotional disturbance. The rest are like normal boarding school kids who have relatively normal families who they visit over the holidays, but other than that their parents are paying for them to come here. I have some friends who I hang with, Zack, Peter, Sally, Maya and Pat. Out of all of them, only Sally and Maya come from the normal families! And Zack, Peter, Pat and I are the ones with the weekly counselor appointments from our 'troubled backgrounds'.

Pat is Irish and tried to kill himself - won't say why, Peter is English and got into trouble with drugs. He reckons his parents don't care about him and it started when he was very little because he always had Nanny's and stuff while his parents traveled a lot. And Zack hates his Mum and says she's weak and she lies but won't say what about. There is a girl here, Nelson, who I met on my first night out of the hospital wing but hasn't talked to me since, who said she was nearly sent to Juvenile court but wound up here instead. They're the nutzoids I've met so far.

This afternoon after my last class I had to go back to Delta Building to the hospital wing. The nurse and counselor there, Nell, took my stitches out and then we went into her office for my first weekly session with her. She asked me lots of questions on what it was like at my old school and if I had many friends, then she started asking questions about Dad. I told her that I missed you not living with us.

Now don't drop dead in surprise Mark, I know we fought a lot and I hated living with you most of the time... but... well, I don't know how to put this. When you and Dad were fighting it made me feel a little relieved... because when he was yelling at you he wouldn't be yelling at me. If you were doing something wrong, it would take his attention away from me. I never realized this before, but it came up with Nell. She was really nice and understanding. She did take notes in a folder though, but kept looking up at me and saying "hmmm," or "uh huh". I think she was much better than that stupid school counselor I had back at Winmalee High School, the one I had to speak to when Mum died. That one kept telling me how I should be feeling instead of actually asking me what I was feeling!

I'm glad it's Friday night. Did you know classes go for two hours here? Even if there are only 3 classes a day (except on Wednesdays when my fourth class is Astronomy after dinner) it's pretty intense. Our classes are only 10 people big, well, 11 now that I’m here, and so the teacher has the time to almost go around each of us to make sure we're working and understand everything. But I'm relieved I don't have any homework tonight (I'll do it Sunday). But there are two movies showing tonight in both of the recreation rooms, one is "The Mummy" and the other is "She's all that" with that cute actor Freddy Prinze Junior.

Tonight in the cafeteria for dinner they're serving hot dogs and hamburgers and soft drink, or 'soda' as they call it here. I can't wait! They only do movie nights and 'fun night' (that's what they call serving 'junk' food) once a week. Normally it's on a Saturday night, but the Seniors are going away on an excursion for a couple of days tomorrow, so they're doing it tonight.

I'm going to go meet Zack, Peter, Sally and Maya in the cafeteria for dinner now, so I have to go. I think we're all going to see "The Mummy" tonight. You know how I love horror movies! Maya wanted to see the other one, but ended up deciding to see this one because we all wanted to. But I really have to go now. I'm going to borrow a cigarette from Pat and have it before I eat.

See ya!


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13/ 10/ 00

Dear Diary,

It's past 2 AM and I thought I might as well catch up with you. Truth is I can't sleep - I think I drank too much coke at dinner and then during the video. Too much coke and too much chocolate... my stomach feels like rat shit. Also I'm jittery and restless as all hell from the caffeine!

Well I've just finished my first week at Hamilton’s. It wasn't too bad. Well, I only had three days of classes - Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, today. My last class today was English with Professor Hamilton himself. In class we got to go into two teams for a debate on the use of mysticism and christianity, using “The Chronicles of Narnia” and “Harry Potter” as our examples! I'm on the Narnian team of course! Zack is on my team, and so is Sally and Maya and Nelson. Peter, Pat, Yuichi and the Chinese girl Soong are on the Potter side. We got to leave the classroom and go into the library where the Narnians were on one side, and the Hogwarts team were sitting in the other corner of the room. We get two classes to prepare so next Friday we do the actual debate. I can't wait!

Sally thought it would be a good idea to take some notes tomorrow while watching "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" to use and I asked her how were we going to do that? She says she has the Narnia videos in her room! Excellent! So over dinner tonight before the movie Sally, Maya, Zack and I all planned to meet in Sally's room tomorrow morning to watch the video. Apparently she even has her own TV and VCR/ DVD player in her room! I guess that's what you get when you're not mentally fucked up and you voluntarily come to Hamilton's. Then your ‘nice’ parents spoil you for getting good grades.

While we were planning this, Nelson overheard us while she was sitting with Pat. She shook her head at us and told us to get a life. Maya got a bit offended and told her that since she was on our team she should be supporting us because our grade affects us all. Nelson gave her a dirty look, stood up, gave her the finger and left!

Nelson was nowhere to be seen when we were all watching "The Mummy". But I had a blast sitting between Zack and Sally. Peter kept making all these sarcastic, but funny comments every time something scary happened, and he teased Maya for getting scared and putting her hands over her eyes. Sally threw one of her chocolates at Peter and told him to shut up, when he threw some popcorn back at her!

FOOD FIGHT!!!!

Our whole row ended up getting in on it! This Senior guy told us to stop it and to clean it up and Peter threw some food at him and then ran out of the room. So when the movie finished, guess who were the only four made to clean it up? Pat was nowhere to be seen, he left before it began, probably to go find Nelson. Zack was a bit shitty for cleaning up Peter's mess. I didn't really care.

The recreation room where the movie was shown was in Beta building, so we just went upstairs to our rooms afterwards. Zack and Peter's rooms are at the beginning of the hall near the stairs and my room is all the way at the end of hall. So I said g'night and went to my room. I think I had popcorn in my hair and I wanted a shower. I felt disgusting after eating so much junk!

When I went to bed I couldn't fall asleep. So I opened my door to be met with the familiar sight of Pat with his door open, working on something on his computer. So far, every time I go to bed, he's on his computer with his door open. Last night when I had to use the toilet at around 3 AM, he was still up and on his computer. Doesn't he sleep?

"You're always on your computer, what do you do on it?" I came and sat on the floor of his doorway in my pajamas.

"At the moment I'm downloading some trance for Peter. Otherwise I'm either on the net or working on some homework."

"Trance?" I asked him.

"Yeah, you know, Trance... it's music. Kind of like Techno, only better." He turned up the speakers connected to his computer and played some of the music for me.

"Hey, that's cool." I liked it! "Can I've a copy too?"

"Yeah sure." he pulled out a blank CD from his desk draw and put it into his CD-ROM. "Any other music you want?"

"What else is there?"

"Everything. Don't rely on the radio stations up here, it's all Country Music, unless you like that. You have to depend on the Internet to hear anything decent." Pat warned me.

"What, no 'Top Forty'?" I asked him.

"Have you heard anything on your radio that sounds remotely like the 'Top Forty'?" He asked back.

"Bugger. What kind of shit hole has my father sent me to?" I kicked his door.

I noticed Pat was looking at my wrists, which made me nervous and I pulled down the sleeves to cover the scars.

"Did you get the stitches out today?" Pat asked me. "Is that why you had to go to the hospital wing after English?"

"Yeah. Nell took out the stitches and then I had my first session with her." I told him.

"Weekly sessions?"

"Yeah, every Friday afternoon I have to see her."

"I see her Sundays." Pat said. "The scars are going to be purple for the first month."

We didn't talk much after that, I told him I was going to bed.

When I stood up I thought I saw Nelson's door close, like it may have been open a little bit. It made me wonder if she heard our conversation. Like Pat's door is always open when he's not asleep or changing clothes or at class, Nelson's door is always closed. Just like her really.


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Author notes

Thanks so much for reading 'Circulate Chapter 1' and I hope you enjoyed. If this has enticed you to read more, click on 'View onaya3's Portfolilo' as I will be posting the first three chapters here on Writing.Com.

The Circulate Series
Circulate © K.R. Smith, 1st ed. 2005.
ISBN: 978-0-646-53776-4
Scent © K.R. Smith, 2010.
ISBN: 978-0-646-53730-6
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