Always Sick

October 2011

She had always been sick, for as long as he could remember, that strange illness that plagued her so viciously. Even now, after it had stolen her last breath, the doctors could not figure out what had caused it. She was dead. It killed her and they still didn't know what it was. She was only 24, too young and too beautiful to be laying in her shiny black coffin, but there she was. Her eyes closed, mouth almost resembling a smile, and all trace of the fatigue that once wore on her face was gone. She looked as though she was just resting, without a care in the world. She was beautiful and serene as an angel from Heaven; ironically, that's probably what she is now, an Angel.

He had no more tears to shed, no emotions whatsoever, the immense feeling of loss had stripped him of everything. He stood there, by her side in death as he had always been in life, and just gazed upon his wife's death pale face. He was still in shock from the suddenness of her body's defeat.

She had always been sick.


January 2006

Sarah was lying in bed, as she had been for most of her days over the past couple of months. The cough and pain in her chest that appeared out of nowhere 3 months before were progressively getting worse. She looked up at him, her eyes red from her uncontrollable weeping. The pain was so immense that sometimes she would cry out, even in her sleep.

"What's wrong with me?" she asked, her voice no louder than a whisper.
"Nothing, Baby, you're just sick. It's probably just an infection, you'll get better soon."

She was strong, even stronger than him, he had no doubt that she would beat whatever illness or disease was raging inside her body. She was pale, but she still had some fight left in her, she was always fierce. But she was always sick.


March 2006

Her disease was starting to win and she was getting weaker by the day. They had taken her to the emergency room 3 times now, but they always sent her home with a completely different explanation for her condition.

The first doctor said that she couldn't breathe because of muscle spasms in her back, but how would that explain that she was expelling liquid from her lungs when she coughed?

The second doctor told her that her cough was the result of acid reflux. She told them that she knew what acid reflux felt like and she wasn't experiencing that.

The third doctor, and her personal favorite, told her that he couldn't find anything wrong with her but that he was sure that whatever it was would work it's way through her system and she would feel better soon.

"Nobody can figure out what is wrong with me. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get better." She said.
"Sarah, you'll get better, I promise."

Josh was always looking after her; taking care of her. He loved her more than anything on the face of the Earth. He was going to marry her someday, and start a family with her.


May 2006

Sarah did get better. She still had a little trouble breathing and her lung capacity was about half of what it had been before she got sick, but she knew she could strengthen her body again.

Life for Sarah and Josh was wonderful all through that summer and even through the winter of the following year. Love and romance were the only concerns for the couple. She had escaped death.

But she would always be sick.


April 2007

Her illness crept up on her again, this time it was a lot stronger. She coughed almost every time she inhaled, and she was starting to cough up blood.

Josh came home from school one evening to find her curled up in bed, crying. He lay down behind her and put his arms around her.

"What's wrong, my love?" he asked quietly.
"I'm going to die young." She sobbed.
"No, you're not, you're going to be fine. We'll figure out what's going on and fix it. I know we will."
"You don't understand. I know, I know that I am going to die from this. I know it as certainly as if God Himself came and told me to cherish my remaining time on Earth, because soon I would be joining him in Heaven. I don't know when, but I know it's going to happen." She started weeping again.

The sound of her sobs and cries of anguish were almost unbearable for him. If you have ever heard a truly heartbroken woman weep, then you know how he felt and the pain he had to endure from listening to it. Unable to console the love of his life, he resolved to just hold her close and show her that she was loved and could not be harmed while in his arms.


Over the next few years her illness would come and go, sometimes it would be mild, and other times it would nearly kill her. She was strong and kept battling it. But she was always sick.


August 2009

She was battling the illness again and she was winning. This time had been fairly mild and only lasted a month and a half. She had no signs of illness by mid September, and her lung capacity had improved greatly. She thought to herself that she had finally won and that the infection or illness or whatever was dead, though she was too afraid to jinx it by saying it out loud.

Josh asked her to marry him in the midst of her illness and they had a small wedding in February of the following year. They made plans to have a big formal ceremony in 2012, giving them time to save money and get their life started with each other. They were unable to go on a honeymoon, but planned to do so later on.

Always the thought was in the back of her mind. She was going to die young. All the signs pointed toward the inevitable. She was only 22 and her biological clock had been ticking since she was 19. She hadn't planned to start a family until she was 26 or so, after the wedding with all the family, friends and formality. She didn't want a child to have to look after when she walked down the aisle, but her body was telling her something, urging her not to wait much longer.

She wanted desperately to be a mother, and Josh wanted kids more and more. They had already discussed how many children they wanted and what to name them. Sarah knew that unless she acted now, she was not going to have a child, but they were not financially secure yet, so she would have to wait.


September 2011

Sarah's cough came back in early September. She had been healthy for almost 2 years. Within a week of her cough returning, all color had drained from her face, and she was coughing up blood.

Josh took her to the doctor to run tests, but all the results came back inconclusive.

"I love you." She said, her weak body curled up under the blankets.

She was so weak now that she could hardly get out of bed. Josh looked at her, trying not to cry. Her eyes had lost their sparkle, and she had puffy purple circles under them. She looked old to him, and it pained him. She was a few years younger than he, but she looked as though she could be his mother. Her lips were pale, her eyes were dull, and her beauty was fading. The illness was robbing her of life, pushing her closer to death with every breath.

She hadn't the strength to cry anymore. She had accepted her fate, as she had known it was coming for some time now.

"I love you, too, my love." He said as he kissed her forehead.

She closed her eyes, mustering up all the courage she could for what she would have to tell him. A single tear slipped out of the corner of her eye as she began to speak.
"I won't be here much longer. I can feel my body shutting down, giving up. But I don't want you to be sad, I would prefer for you to remember all the happy times that we shared with one another and smile. We won't be apart forever; someday we'll be reunited. I know it. Always remember that I love you, even after I'm gone."

He nodded in acknowledgment and watched her chest rise and fall with every labored breath as the tears rolled down his cheeks. Within minutes her breathing slowed, and eventually stopped. Her body lay motionless, and her heart stopped beating.

He closed his eyes and whispered through his sobs "I love you, Sarah, I always have."


She had always been sick, but now she was resting, the eternal and peaceful state of death.