School Days

“Fired? You’re firing me after all this time? WHY?” Lacey Johnson stared at her boss … former boss incredulously. “I’ve worked hard to get this place into shape and I’ve been successfully managing it for years. And now you’re suddenly not satisfied with my work or the way I run your business?”

Chuck cleared his throat. He hated confrontations and that’s what this was turning into. “It’s not anything specific you’ve done, Lace.”

“Then why am I being fired?” she demanded. Color had flooded her face, leaving her flushed and hot. She just didn’t understand. Hadn’t she given this business a fighting chance and the last 10 years of her life?

“It’s the economy. I need to cut back somewhere. We’re not generating enough profit to keep you on. I can do the paperwork from home. I’m also getting rid of this office and consultations will have to be done in the clients’ homes. It makes more sense anyway since I’ll need to see it beforehand to put a design together. I’m really sorry, Lacey. I wish I didn’t have to do this.” He gazed down at the floor, miserable.

Her throat locked, rendering her speechless for a few seconds. Tears swelled in her eyes. “What am I going to do, Chuck?” she asked when she could finally speak again. “This is all I’ve ever known. I didn’t even go to college right after high school because I worked for you.”

“I wish things could be different, Lace. I really do. I wish that I could just go to bed, wake up, and never have to worry about gas prices, the cost of materials going up, and business slowing down to the point where I’m either going to have to work for someone else or join you on the unemployment line.” His tone was sharp with unspoken fear. “But I do have to worry about it. Longtime customers who always used me for their landscaping are doing it themselves to save a few bucks. Everyone is being affected by what’s going on right now and I’m not immune.”

He smiled at her, a tired little smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “If things pick up, I promise you’re the first on my list to call.” He patted her on the shoulder as he left the storefront. His depression was tangible and it made her even more upset than before.

Lacey looked around the office that had become her second home over the years. Her stuff was scattered everywhere but the thought of starting to pack it all weighed on her. She’d come back tomorrow and get it. She dashed a note off to Chuck to let him know she’d be by tomorrow to do it, picked up her purse, and turned off the light to her prior life for the last time. She walked slowly to her car, fighting the tears that had been threatening on and off for the last few minutes.

“Now what?” she asked aloud, looking up at the cloudless sky. Shouldn’t there be a thunderstorm with torrents of rain pouring down on her? What should she do now? Where should she go? She didn’t want to be inside her tiny little apartment right now. She slid the key in the ignition, started the car, and stared through the windshield blindly for a few minutes, absorbing what had just taken place. Had she really been fired? What the hell was she going to do now?

Pulling out of the parking lot, she headed out to her favorite place in the county. Every important decision she’d made had come by the lake. Should she go with Jimmy to the prom? Should she go into the military? Should she finish high school? Should she get married at 22?

Lacey zoomed into the state park, mostly out of habit. Since it was a weekday, there wasn’t much foot traffic yet. So if she spun her tires and spit gravel out behind her, there was no one around to witness it. She slowed down as she wound her way through the park to the lake in the middle. Breathing deeply, she could feel herself relaxing slightly. She’d make a decision or two while she was here. And then she’d be off to put plans in motion, whatever they were. She pulled into the parking lot for the lake, killed the engine, and listened to the silence for a minute before getting out.

Birds were chattering back and forth to each other in the trees that surrounded the lake. Willows sat close to the water’s edge and bowed their limbs gracefully, brushing the tips of their leaves in the water. Squirrels and chipmunks scurried to and fro, busy with whatever task occupied them at the moment. Fish surfaced every so often to take advantage of a bug sitting on the water, oblivious to its fate.

Lacey sat down on the beach and leaned over the water, looking at her reflection. She studied herself as if she were a stranger. Longish light brown hair in need of a trim and shaping. Green eyes that looked tired. Good skin, finally clear of teenage acne. Straight white teeth, thanks to two years of braces at her parents’ insistence. Nice cheekbones but her cheeks were rounded. So was the rest of her due to an additional 12 lbs gained after high school graduation. She thought that the weight added some curves to her angles so she wasn’t too upset over it.

Looking down at her reflection, she took a few deep breaths to help clear her mind. Meditation always helped her a bit so she started the practice as she always did. Breathing and imagining a cool, white wall. The pounding in her head eased a little as she worked her way through her routine. Soon, she laid back on the ground and gazed up at the sky, allowing bits and pieces of the day to float through her mind. She examined each emotion and feeling as they occurred to her, always asking herself the same question. Could I have handled it differently? And each time, the answer was yes. She’d apologize to Chuck when she saw him next. She had behaved poorly due to the shock.

The next question on her mind was What am I going to do now? She had bills to pay and no way to do so. There had to be a way to cut back. She’d start clipping coupons on Sundays. Maybe she’d turn off her cable. She didn’t really need a house phone, did she? The library had computers where she could look for a job and she could bring her resume on disk if she needed to. Maybe she could even print them out there. She would also have to file for unemployment and see what she was entitled to through the state.

A little voice in her brain piped up, What about going back to school? She scoffed at it, thinking it was ridiculous. She hadn’t been in school for more than 10 years now. She couldn’t go back after all this time. Could she? How would she swing that? What would she study? Lacey shook her head to clear her mind again. She couldn’t go back to school. There were other, more pressing concerns right now.

But that nagging little thought wouldn’t leave her alone. It popped up when she least expected it. She had applied for, and been granted, unemployment. It barely covered her living expenses and meant that she’d be living on ramen noodles but she wouldn’t have to move back home with her parents. That was important for more reasons than she didn’t get along well with her mother. It meant that she couldn’t handle her life on her own and she was bound and determined not to let that happen.

College kept popping into her mind now and again. At one of her library sessions, she started browsing local schools without consciously making the decision. Community colleges, state schools, expensive private universities. Small ones. Large ones. Urban campuses. Rural locations. The idea had rooted itself in her mind and wouldn’t let go. How in the world was she going to pay for this?

With the question constantly buzzing around her brain, she called the employment division of her unemployment office to ask it.

“Training and Development. Sharon speaking.” The voice on the other end was short. For a split second, Lacey had the desire to hang up and forge ahead with her job search.

“Um … hi. The receptionist said I had to talk to you about going back for some sort of training.”

“Yes. I can help you with that. What sort of training did you have in mind?” Papers rustled in the background.

“Well, I’m not sure. I was thinking about going to college but I have no clue what to do or where to start. I was hoping that you could help me figure it out.” Lacey chewed on her lip nervously as she paced back and forth in her living room.

“I can give you the basics over the phone but you’re going to have to come into the office if you want to sign up. And then we’ll have to see if the funds are actually available. Not every job qualifies for funding, you know.” Sharon flipped through her calendar. “Let me give you a call back after lunch. I have an appointment coming in in a few minutes.” Lacey gave her the number to call back on and hung up, feeling as though she’d been punched in the stomach. Was she really doing this?

A knock on the door scared her, making her jump and spin. She took two large steps across to the door and gazed through the peephole. It was her father. She opened the door with a smile, relief flitting across her face. For a moment, she thought that the woman from Unemployment was on the other side to tell her that she didn’t qualify for anything and they were stopping her money. Ridiculous! she chided herself. You paid into the system for 10 years.

“Hi Dad. What are you doing here in the middle of the day?”

He crossed the threshold and held up a bag. “I brought lunch. It’s Friday, remember?” For years, they had had lunch together on Fridays as often as possible. They used it as a time to catch up mostly.

“I forgot. Two days out of work and I’m already forgetting what day it is. Come on in.” She smiled and waved him over to the table.

Sitting down, Bob studied his daughter without appearing to do so. He reached into the bag, brought out two sandwiches and chips and saw all the little signs of stress that she was attempting to hide from him. He noted the slump of her shoulders as she opened the refrigerator door for the pitcher of iced tea she perpetually had on hand for him. He saw the tension in her eyes as she gathered paper plates, cups and napkins. He knew his daughter well and saw that she was suffering beneath the bright exterior she maintained. Not that he blamed her. Losing a job was tough on a body. Especially when a person had been there as long as she’d been with her company.

They’d been at the table for a few minutes, chatting about different family and friends, when he brought up the subject of her future. “How’s it going looking for a job?”

Lacey chewed slowly, stalling before answering. “Well, it’s slow right now but I’m still looking and sending out resumes.”

“Good. Any prospects?”

“I’ve had a couple of calls. Nothing really spectacular. Something will come up though.” She broke off abruptly, not wanting to admit that she was checking out colleges. That was something she was going to keep to herself until she made the final decision.

“You OK, cupcake?”

Smiling at the childhood nickname, she took a minute before answering her father. “I think so. For now. I don’t think I can clean my place anymore than I have though.”

“OK.” His tone said that he didn’t quite believe her.

“No. Really. I do have something I’m working on right now.” Crap! Why had that come out?

“What would that be?”

“Well … I just started looking into it but I’m thinking about going to college. Being as I just started working right after I graduated. The lady from unemployment is going to call me this afternoon and let me know if I qualify for any sort of funding or program or something.”

Bob sat quietly for a moment, sandwich forgotten in his hand. “You didn’t like school if I remember correctly, cupcake. Why the change now?”

Lacey sighed and pushed away from the table to pace again. “I honestly don’t know. It just sort of popped into my head one day and now I can’t get rid of it. I have no clue what I want to do, where I want to go, or how I’m going to pay for it. I’m starting with the last and working my way back. I’ll still have to work full time to stay here but I can always take a few classes at night.”

“It’s going to be rough on you, going back.” Her father sat at the table, playing with the edge of the potato chip bag. He was watching her as she strode back and forth across her apartment.

“I know. I haven’t studied in years. And it’s not like I did much studying in school either.” She grinned. “Boys were much more fun.”

He laughed and sat back in the chair. “I knew you’d say that. Thank God you never came home pregnant. Your mother would have skinned you alive.”

Lacey sat down at the table again. “And you?”

“Oh, I’ve been angry but I’d have let you keep your skin. I was too young to be a grandpa. Still am so be smart.”

“OK, Dad.”

They passed the rest of his lunch hour together, chatting about baseball and heaping abuse on their favorite team’s opponent from the night before. Finally, he stood up from the table to get back to the mechanic shop he owned. “Listen cupcake. If you need money, you tell me. If you want to earn it, come take a look at my books over the weekend. You can make sure the bookkeeper is doing things right.”

“Thanks Dad. Maybe I will. Just don’t tell Mom. You know how she gets.”

“Sure do. Lived with her long enough. Our secret.” And he walked out of the door toward his car.

She closed the door and flung herself down on the couch, reaching for the remote. She flipped through the channels slowly, trying to find something new and interesting on daytime TV. Nothing caught her interest so she left it on for background noise and reached for a book she’d been reading on and off.

The shrill of the phone woke her out of a doze she hadn’t realized she’d fallen into. She grabbed and answered it quickly, mostly to stop the sound it was making.

“Hello?”

“May I speak to Lacey Johnson please?”

“This is Lacey,” she said, trying to clear the sleep out of her mind and the thickness out of her voice.

“This is Sharon Perez from Training & Development. I’m returning your call. Is this a good time to speak?”

“Yes. Yes, it is.” Lacey walked to her table, which also served as her desk, to make notes on a pad she kept near the phone.
“You’re interested in going back to school. Have you done any research as to what sort of program you’re interested in?”

“Um … no. I kicked around a business degree since I was an office manager but I’m not sure that’s what I want to do.” Lacey chewed on her bottom lip nervously. Realizing what she was doing, she forced herself to stop. If I keep it up, I’m going to chew the damn thing off my face.

“Well, that’s the first step. The way our program works is that you will come into the office, go through a book with a listing of all qualifying occupations, and then select a school that has a program which will lead to that occupation. If it is a state school, we will pay for your tuition and fees. If it is a private school, we will provide you with $4000 only. In both cases, you are responsible for your books and other materials for school. The program should take no more than 2 years to complete.”

“What sorts of programs do you cover?” Hmmmmmm … this may be more difficult than I thought, she said to herself. What kind of degree could she get in two years?

“It all depends on what is being considered a relevant occupation at the moment. At the present time, I believe a lot of medical programs such as nursing, radiography, and the like are considered high demand occupations. And they meet the two year completion requirement.”

“What happens if I don’t finish in two years?” Another concern since she would probably have to get a job between now and then.

“We would not pay for anything more than two years. It would be up to you to finance the rest of your schooling. During the time you’re in school on our program, we would require you to maintain above a C average. You would also be required to submit your grades for our review.”

“OK. I could do that.” Lacey jotted down several notes on her notepad to research nursing and some other medical programs.

“When are you available to come in and go through our occupations books?”

“I can be there anytime next week. Or the week after. Or the week after that. My schedule is wide open at the moment.”

She heard a ghost of a laugh from the other end of the phone. “Let’s say Tuesday at 2PM.”

“Thank you, Sharon. I’ll see you then.” She hung up the phone, feeling as though she’d accomplished a small step.

This was really happening. She was really going to go back to school. What the hell had she gotten herself into?

*****************************

Over the weekend, Lacey decided to hit the computer at the library and do some research on different careers since she still didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up. Since Sharon mentioned nursing, she decided to start with that. She Googled “nursing careers,” clicked on the first site that came up, and began to read. After a few minutes, she realized that nursing wasn’t right for her. Maybe she should start with the local community college and work her way from there.

She opened the degree programs and started reading about various programs. Did she want to go into accounting? While she could do the books for her last job, she fought to get through the bank reconciliations and such. Maybe not. Early Childhood education? She didn’t know if she had the patience to work with kids. What else could she do? Maybe a certificate program would be better for her. She clicked on that link and started to scroll slowly through the various programs. Nothing jumped out at her as something she wanted to do for the rest of her life. How in the world was she supposed to make such a decision? And was she insane for thinking about going back to school at all?

She left the library with her head spinning. A decision wasn’t going to be made today. Nor should it since this was going to determine the direction of her life for a while. She really needed to think about this and talk to someone who could help her make this decision. Lacey felt as though she was floundering and it wasn’t a comfortable place for her. She was used to forging ahead and always knowing her way through life. This unsettled feeling was foreign. Perhaps she should wait and talk to the lady at unemployment. That was her job, right? To help her figure out what direction to take her life?

Or maybe she should go and talk to a counselor at the local community college in person. Do they have such people? she wondered. She thought they did for the multitudes of people like her who had no clue how to proceed or what to choose. Either way, this decision was starting to consume her every thought.

Tuesday morning dawned rainy and dark, which suited her mood. Indecision seemed to hang over her head like a black cloud. No closer to a choice about her future, she dressed for the meeting in a black short sleeved sweater with a black satin ribbon just under the bustline and gray dress pants. She pulled her hair off her face and did a subtle makeup. Nothing too flashy. She put on ballet flats also in black and left for her appointment.

As she drove, she cranked up the music and sang along at the top of her voice. It was an attempt to make herself feel a little better since the job search hadn’t turned up anything for her either. It worked for a little bit until she pulled up to the Workforce Development office. She found a spot and sat for a minute, studying the building. What was it about government buildings that made them all look the same? They all had that same, sad brick front with no charm or character. Were they designed to deliberately depress people and make them feel more downtrodden than they already did? This one, like so many others she’d seen, seem to scream out, “Don’t get your hopes up!”

It was worse when she walked in the front entrance. People were either waiting on line or sitting in chairs for appointments. Everything was beige. Beige walls, beige linoleum, beige counters. Beige people. Everything blended in. Lacey got on the information line and waited for her turn. Once she was at the counter, she gave her name to the beige employee at the beige counter.

“My name is Lacey Johnson. I have a 2:00 meeting with Sharon.”

“Fill this out and have it ready when you’re called,” Beige Lady said and handed her a form on a clipboard.

She sat down on a chair (navy blue to go with the beige) and started filling out the standard information. It didn’t take long to fill out all the information so she waited and watched some of the other people around her. Some of them were young and plugged into iPods or phones with MP3 players. Others were older, possibly nearing retirement age, and seemed beaten down after losing jobs which they’d held nearly all their adult lives. The mess of the economy had taken its toll on them moreso than her because they’d lost most of their 401K’s value during the last year. Many of them were wondering what to do now that they were unable to retire and not being hired elsewhere.

Finally, her name was called. She jumped up and hurried back behind the counter away from the waves of depression threatening to overwhelm her on behalf of the people sitting there that she didn’t know. The state employee Lacey followed had the same beige, careworn look as the rest of the building. Had he developed it over time?

She was placed in the same room where she had gone through her orientation and left to wait. It was just a few minutes before Sharon Perez bustled into the room with a file and a binder. “Efficient” was the word that sprang to Lacey’s mind at first sight of the woman who could possible change her future. Everything about her seemed to ooze efficiency from the top of her short, slightly mussed haircut to the tips of her sensible shoes. Taking a pen from the lanyard around her neck with her work identification, Sharon began to go through the list of questions in front of her.

“How long have you been out of work now?” she asked, without raising her eyes from the checklist.

“Um … three months now.”

“Former occupation?”

“Office manager for a landscaping company.”

Another note on the clipboard. “How long were you at the company?”

“Ten years. I started there right after high school.” Lacey cleared her throat nervously, slightly cowed by the look directed at her.

“You’re still collecting unemployment, I believe.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Are you actively looking for work?”

“Yes ma’am. I haven’t gotten much in the way of callbacks though.”

“And why do you think that is?”

Lacey blinked at her, completely thrown by the question. “I … I’m sorry?”

Sharon took her glasses off her nose and looked at Lacey. She had the impression she was being x-rayed … and was found lacking in some way. “Why do you think you’re not getting any calls back from employers?”

“I … well … um … I can only seem to find jobs that require a degree of some sort. I learned my job on the job. I don’t have any formal training in anything. Seems that companies are having a stumbling block with that.”

Apparently, that was the right answer as Sharon made another tick on her checklist and slid the binder in front of her. “Here’s the way this works. Every job listed in this book is considered to be an In Demand Occupation. They are either currently in demand or will be in demand within the next 10 years. There are two ways that training may be funded. One is through a grant. It’s a set amount of money and, once it runs out, there is no more funding availability. There is another grant which we could use which is only good at state schools. We would pay all tuition & fees for your program with the caveat that it has to be completed in two years. Less, if possible. You would be responsible for paying for all your books and supplies. If the career in which you are interested is not listed in here, we will not cover it. You will have to submit your grades for review after the semester ends. They determine the next semester’s funding. Any questions?”

Lacey shook her head mutely. How in the world was she going to make this decision? What else did she even know how to do, other than run Chuck’s business? Nothing, that’s what. This is ludicrous, she thought to herself. Just keep looking for a job. Do what you know. SOMEONE has to need an office manager without a degree. Right? Still, she found herself reaching a hand across the table to slide the binder in front of her.

“I’ll leave you to look through this. Poke your head out the door if you have any questions.” Sharon got up and efficiently bustled herself out of the room, leaving Lacey to the binder and a head full of questions and self-doubt.