goodbye love

"...for being so wonderful that a guy would choose hell over heaven just to be around you."










This is a quote from one of my favorite movies, What Dreams May Come.




Up until recently I was one of the biggest believers in ‘soul-mates.’ No more. I’ve recently came to the conclusion that true love, or at least what I believe to be true love, only exists in the movies.....






Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.




I’ve only said the words ‘I love you’ to two people, and for good reason. Those three words are thrown around so often that they lose their meaning, the passion, and the affect they are meant to have. Ironically they have the ability to be the most powerful words in the English language. So when I said them, the men that I said it to knew and felt what was truly in my heart.....




Recently one of those men has come back into my life. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason… karma… and at first I thought it was because we were meant to be together. That the universe knew how empty I was feeling without him and was giving me the piece I needed to fill the enormous gap in my life. Sadly and tragically I was mistaken.....




Every situation contains a life lesson of sorts, and often times we don’t and can’t realize what the lesson is until after the moment is gone. No matter how much you want something, if it’s not meant to be, there is no way to change fate.....




My lesson, unfortunately and devastatingly was that he will never love me the way I want him to. He will never love me the way I deserve to be loved. The hardest part in all of this is that I am still hopelessly and deeply in love with him. I am trying so hard to let go but there is something that is making me hold on, almost like my entire existence depends on it. I feel like I’m hanging on to the edge of a cliff and once I let go there is nothing below to catch me.




Loving you is like breathing... How can I stop?




I miss so much about us it’s tearing me apart and I am usually an extremely strong and independent person. I miss the way he would look into my eyes. I miss his smile. I miss the goofy dimples on his face. I miss the way we would sit up all night and just talk. I miss the laughter and the way I never felt insecure when we were together. I miss the way I felt when he told me he loved me and I couldn’t stop smiling for hours and hours. I miss the bike rides and the walks. I miss the way the beer always tasted better when he was there to drink it with me. I miss… everything!!!!




It’s amazing how humans rely on other people to make them feel worthy, loved and worthwhile. Why is it we just can’t be happy with ourselves, just the way we are, without validation from outside sources? When I think back to the times when I was truly happy it was always because someone else was there making me feel that way. I suppose this is what makes us human.




Love is a complicated and twisted situation. We all want and need to feel loved by the people in our lives. Especially from those we care about most. But when those feelings aren’t reciprocated the way we want them to be, love becomes a void in our soul which can consume the very essence of who we are. Our spirit is broken, and the cancer slowly eats away at our soul.




You're the type of guy who could slit my throat, and with my last breath I'd apologize for getting blood on your shirt.




Letting go of the one you love is worse than death. With death there is no possibility of recovery, no chance they will come back to you. The difficulty lies in the hope we have that they will somehow ‘come to their senses’ and realize what they are missing. This longing and desire is what is preventing me from letting go. It’s the chance that I might be wrong; the one in a million shot that might provide me with the cure.




But it’s over. It’s all gone and I have to let go. Let go of the possibilities, the chances, the unlikely hood that he will come back to me. One way or another I have to ascertain the capability and strength to make this a reality in my life, and live it every day.




Saying goodbye constitutes closure. Letting go is the only way I can move on with my life and revive the person I need to be, the person my friends haven’t seen since that night when he showed up at my door. I have to believe that when I do let go, something will catch me when I fall. The broken pieces will get put back together and I will feel something other than sadness and heartache. My life will go on, without him, and everything will be ok.




You know you're in love when the hardest thing to do is say goodbye.




Goodbye my love. You will always have a piece of my heart, and not just because you broke it, but because I chose to give it to you. Goodbye my love. I will always remember what it was that made me fall in love with you and remind myself every day why I had to let you go.




Goodbye my love. Goodbye… love… forever...