Asylum (Writing.com Adaption)

One night at an asylum, a security guard was reading a book.

He grunted as he turned a page, "Crap! No naked ladies to look at. This job is so BORING!"

Just then, a patient yelled, "Owawawawawa!"

Annoyed, the guard yelled, "Shut up! Trying to read." Then sighed.

Just then another security guard came and said to the other one, "Excuse me, sir?"

"Finally, you're here," replied Guard #1 "God, I've been so bored. Some rat told the boss about my naked lady magazines; Now, he took them away and burned them."

"Anyway, It's your turn now to watch these f-in lunatics. Here read that," he said, putting the book down on the table and left.

Guard #2 took Guard #1's place and said, "God, I hate this job." And falls asleep.

Just what Guard #1 heard, the patient went, "Owawawawawa!"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Guard #2.

The patient, again, went, "Owawawawawa!"

Guard #2 got up and picked up his gun.

Cut to black. A patient yelled, "I need my BANANA PHONE!!"

Guard #2 came in with his gun and yelled, "Okay! Whosever screaming, better shut the heck up!"

Disappointed with not using the gun, he complained, "Oh, I really wanted to use this," and leaves.

On the way back, he hurt himself and moaned in pain before returning to his post, saying, "I really HATE my job." and returning to sleep.

Elsewhere, another patient spoke gibberish, danced to "Peanut Butter Jelly Time," stopped and spoke more gibberish.

Hearing this, Guard #2 got up and asked, "Did I just hear Peanut Butter Jelly Time?," looked around, and shrugged.

Meanwhile, two zombie-like people fused together started to sing "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects very gruffly.

Guard #2 then yelled, "What the cantaloupe is going on here?!"

Patient #1 yelled "CANTALOUPE!!!"

Guard #2 responded "Okay" very oddly.

Elsewhere, Fred from YouTube said this:

"Hey, it's Fred! Well, they put me in this lunatic asylum because I stabbed my mom and... I also killed Kevin and killed Judy and I also made out with her corpse. Bye, that's all the time I have."

Irritated, Guard #2 said, "Even with Fred here, he's still... It just... Oh, my god! It's a good thing I'm in a lunatic asylum. Because this place is driving me INSANE!"

All of sudden, he started going insane (Overreacting, spinning his head around, and blabbering to "Chacarron Macarron" by El Chombo).

Then came the song created from a sound in Star Fox 64 called "Do the Barrel Roll."

Guard #2 then said, "OKAY! I feel COMPLETELY normal now."

But then, he spun in a circle with the Barrel Roll sound playing and yelled, "Noooo!!"

Then a guy turned around with a gun in his hand while a voice said, "Super Action Hero!"

The "Super Action Hero" accidentally shot the voice and said, "Oops."

Flabbergasted, Guard #2 questioned, "Who else has a gun?! Why is there a gunshot?! And how come THEY get the Super Action Hero thing?! You know what?" He picked up his gun and said, "It's go time!"

Then there was talk about Shane Dawson and Twitter.

Guard #2 entered the corridor and yelled "Beethoven's 5th, everybody!"

He then did a gun entrance and repeated this until he got exhausted. Angered with the music, he pointed his gun and yelled "SHUT UP!!!" Followed by a gunshot, the music stopped.

He then said, "I'm so sick of walking this corridor!"

Then he realized, "I forgot about the secret exit."

So he used it.

A voice said, "All right, Um... Oh, crap!" He touched a security camera, tapped on it, and said, "Does this thing work?" He licked it.

Once he put the camera in place, he gave a thumbs-up. It was the "Super Action Hero."

He said, "Uh, well, hope nobody gets mad at me about this..."

Just then, Guard #2 shot him.

He said, "That'll teach YOU to own a gun in THIS lunatic asylum. Because guns are dangerous; That's why only I can have one. Uh... Oh, crap! This is on a security camera." He walked away, singing, "Doo,Doo,Doo,Doo,Doo; I didn't do anything; Doo,Doo,Doo,Doo,Doo."

A guy in glasses said, "Hello, security guards. I'm need to tell you that I need to get out of here as soon as possible to go back to playing WoW (World of Warcraft). 'Cause I'm Level 999 and I need to help my Level 300 friends to beat these monsters 'cause they're total noobs and they suck eggs; and only I can help them 'cause I'm the best WoW player there is." He sighed. "I like my friends but they have no skills. No one likes them except for me."

Just then, Guard #2 shot him.

He then said, "Hey, fool! I'M one of your virtual friends, and how dare you say I have no skills?! Do you know how long it takes to get to Level 300? Plus, I have no skills to kill you in real-life. Heh, heh... And this is security camera!" Then he walked away, singing, "Doo,Doo,Doo,Doo,Doo; I didn't do anything; He killed himself, 'cause he's a lunatic."

The next morning, Guard #2 was still asleep. Guard #1 came and said, "Hey, I'm here to take your shift; 'cause it's my shift now."

Guard #2 replied, "THANK YOU, GOD! I CAN FINALLY GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You're so merciful. YAY!" Then he left.

The End