The Other Journal - Black Bird

Last night me, Dad and Sis went to see Public Enemies. Anything with Johnny Depp usually is better than average and this was simply divine. Of course, being the hopeless (indeed, hopeless) romantic that I am, I did tear up in those love scenes. I don't blame Billie (that really is her name) for Loving John. They danced to a slow slong, something about a black bird. They smiled that smile that only true love can uncover. They were so sure, John was so sure that everything will come out alright.

So midterm results are back and I did very well. Better than I've done with 5 courses which simply means that I should try taking 4 as a full load instead of 5 so I can keep my GPA high but still do a decent amount of work.

My sister got an email from Home today, they aren't offering this job she applied for because they didn't get enough funding to open the position. She's probably going to sulk for the next 2 days. She's so beautiful, so smart and she has money but she can't find a decent job right now and it's completely bringing her down.

But it's just so damn selfish of her to be this upset because she has so much right, so much going well. She has a place to call home both here and in Europe, we support her and we CAN support her financialy and emotionally. We're lucky enough not to be drowning in debt!
And yet this, THIS is the tragedy that will bring her down??

I'm so tired. So tired of defending what is hers for her own sake. Defending it from her own underestimation. I can't pry her eyes open. There's my life too you know. I have my own worries and troubles, but of course I have to look out for my sister too.

I believe in fate, but I also believe in sheer will. I believe in misfortunes and mistakes. She has to believe that she will find her way, that everything will fall into place. And sometimes bad things have to happen for another oppertunity to present itself or for someone to realize something good about their life.

What else can I say... school, work, hopes and dreams. Journal in the computer, journal underneath my pillow. I don't know who to turn to. My best friend always seems to be too lazy to walk down here, or too busy with other people. But then again I feel that I complain too much. .. I don't want to be like my sister.

So what's good? Well I have great grades, I make alright money at work. I have a strong family and great friends. I feel deep within my self that I was meant to do great things, I know what I want from life and I'm willing to pursue it. I know that one day I will get my Ph.D in criminology. I know that in some way I will change this world, no matter how small or great that change will be. I know, I believe that there is someone out there, that could only love me the most and I him. That somehow we'll find eachother, and everything will feel perfectly fine.

I know that I will make my family proud, and I will learn from their and other's mistakes. I know everything will come out alright even if it takes some speed bumps to get there.