Twisted Teeth

Twisted Teeth : 1643 words          





                The Outer Realm.  A place of magic, a place of beauty, a place of imagination.  The Outer Realm was a happy place, a colorful place, a nice place.  The outskirts of the Outer Realm were a different story.  The outskirts, the slums, the ghetto – outside the city limits, the Outer Realm was all of those things.  No respectable wizard or witch would be found near the outskirts.

         Didi was there amongst the boarded up toadstools and uneven cobbles, the grime heavy in the air, the stench of frog’s breath permeating every orifice of the streets.  There was a troll in the alley sitting in his own filth, his beard hanging in a bottle of moonshine.  The troll groaned a coarse sexual obscenity at Didi as she walked by. 

         Evening came to the Outer Realm in a display of glory.  The rose-colored sun set over the luxurious castles and shoe houses, giving the world a supernatural glow.  Crickets sang and in homes throughout the realm, elves and gnomes laid their heads on pillows.  This was the time when the outskirts came alive. 

         The glow didn’t stretch to the outskirts.  Instead it was replaced with a heavy dankness that the less-than-amiable thrived in.  Hobgoblins and ogres took to the streets with vigor.  Didi seemed out of place in the labyrinth of muck and mire.

         Didi was dressed in her usual ball gown, a dress better suited for the King’s court rather than Main Street.  Made of pink gauze and crepe, the layers of fabric consumed her petite frame.  Her wings fluttered involuntarily.  A pair of nymphs walked by Didi’s post, their skirts hiked up as far as they would go.  The young fairies were on the hunt.  They found their prey soon enough – a young elfling that had strayed too far from the safety of the city.

         “Lookin’ for a good time?”  One of the nymphs called.  Her voice squeaked making her appear much younger than she was. 

         “Nobody wants to play with me.  Will you play a game with me?”  The elf kicked a loose cobble.

         “Oooh!  We love games!”

         “I like stickball,” the elf continued.  His innocence was drowned out by the perfume of the nymphs, a thick honey melon smell.

         “Oh sugar, it just so happens I know how to handle a stick.”

         “And balls,” the second nymph added.

         The two girls shared a giggle.  “Why don’t you come with us?  We know the perfect place to play stickball.”

         Didi watched as each nymph took a small elfin hand in her own and led him into an abandoned wand factory.  She rolled her eyes and returned her attention to her own business.  Didi had a different kind of prey in mind, and she spied her first victim crossing the street.

         “Need a fix?” she asked as the gremlin neared the corner.

         The hairy beast wrung his hands to keep them from shaking.  He looked around cautiously, his eyes two narrow slits.  His hair was greasy and matted and he smelled as if he had been sleeping in his won filth.

         “Y-y-you dah toof fairy?”  The gremlin’s body started to quiver.

         Didi nodded.  “What do you need?”

         “Whatcha got? Whatcha got? Whatcha got?”

         “You name it, I’ve got it.  Incisors, molars, bicuspids . . . .”

         “Gimme, gimme t-two molars.”

         Didi produced a pouch from the folds of her skirt.  The gremlin squealed when the moonlight reflected off the enamel of the teeth.  His nose twitched,

         “Not ground up?” His face twisted.

         “No, no.  These are pure teeth, clean, un-cut.  You must grind them yourself, but the high is totally worth it.”

         The gremlin grinned at Didi’s answer.  “Good.  Good.  Good.  How much?  How much?”

         “Five hundred beans,” Didi replied.

         “No, not good.  Too much.  Only have a-a-a-a hundred.”  The gremlin held out his own pouch.

         Didi replaced the molars in her bag and pulled out one incisor.  “Then this is what you get.”

         “The beast screamed.  “N-need molars!”

         “Listen to me you junkie!  Molars are two fifty a piece.  You don’t have that kind of beans.  You can have one incisor for one hundred beans or nothing at all.  Take it or stop wasting my time!”

         The gremlin shook more from fear than withdrawal.  He grabbed the tooth and dropped his bag of beans.  Then he disappeared into the darkness, laughing like a pixie.  Didi picked up the beans and stowed them away.

         Business had been bad since prices went up.  Even though she had superb product, she hadn’t moved any molars in some time.  Old King Cole, King Midas, and The Naked Emperor had all switched suppliers.  Prince Charming offered teeth already ground up at lower prices, but at the expense of the product.  He cut his teeth with pixie dist and sugar, making for a volatile concoction. 

         Didi sighed.  The streets were unusually empty for a Friday night.  The elfling the nymphs had tricked earlier now stumbled down the road with a sloppy grin on his face.  His clothes were disheveled and he walked in a daze.  The girls had tricked him out of all of his allowance for the month, but he was no longer a young elf, he was a man-elf.

         Didi gave up her pursuit of making any profit and headed back to the warehouse down by the pier.  She had a visitor when she returned to her home of operations.  Prince Charming was helped down from his carriage carved from a pumpkin. 

         “Well, if it isn’t Didi, the infamous Tooth Fairy.”  The prince stretched out a hand.

         Didi glared at his invitation and shrugged off his presence.  The prince followed her into the warehouse, leaving the bay doors wide open.  “You’ve got a lot of nerve,” she said.  Her wings fluttered in annoyance.

         “Me?  Why, whatever do you mean?”  Prince Charming watched Didi’s band of shoemaker’s elves and Santa’s helpers cleaning and polishing trays of teeth.

         She stuck her finger in the prince’s chest.  “You steal my shipments, undercut my prices, and steal my customers!  Do you have any idea what kids are charging for their teeth these days?  They eat candy, don’t brush, and still they demand whole dollars for product.  I have to work three times as hard as I used to just to make a decent shipment, and then you have the nerve to come in and push me out!”

         “Whoa there Glitter butt.  I’ve come to make peace.”

         “What do you want?”  Didi forced herself to take deep breaths. 

         “The king found out I’m dealing.  He’s threatened to take away my rights to the crown.  Now, what I’m proposing is I return full control of the business to you, and in return, you pay me sixty percent of your profits.  On a monthly basis, of course.”  Prince Charming gave Didi a smile that could turn sugar sour.

         Didi removed her wand from its sheath.  The tip glowed brightly with a light brighter than any sun.  “No deal.  You can’t return something that wasn’t given.  You stole from me, and now it’s time for payback.”

         She flicked her wrist and the glowing ball leapt from its perch on the wand and flew toward the prince’s carriage, sending it up in a spectacular display of fireworks.  The horses broke free of their restraints, leaving explosions of reds, blues, and yellows far behind.

         Prince Charming dove to his belly and covered his head.  He screamed like a harpy; the blood curdling squeal was enough to wake the dead.  The blast had alerted the authorities and the sky was filled Sirens.  The beautiful, naked women came form all directions.  Didi hid her wand and laid on the ground, not daring to look into the gaze of the Sirens.

         “Nobody move!  We have you surrounded!”  The captain of the Sirens had a voice of liquid fire.  She spoke into her radio.  “Response to a ten-ninety three.  We have two possible suspects in custody.”

         “Please,” Didi protested, not daring to raise her eyes.  “I was just walking home when I found Prince Charming here making a lot of drugs.  I tried to stop him.  He tried to kill me.  Please help me!”

         “Whoa!  Wait a minute!”  Prince Charming stood up; his eyes met those of the captain and he was instantly under her spell.

         “Is this true?”  The captain watched the prince wobble on his feet.

         “If I may go with you, then it is.”

         Didi smiled at the ground.  She kept her eyes closed. 

         Again the captain of the Sirens spoke into her radio.  “We have identified the suspect as Prince Charming.  We’ll bring him in on charges of drug trafficking with intent to sell.”

         “That sounds good to me,” the prince added.

         Didi waited until the Sirens had left with the prince and evidence.  She stood and noticed that all of her lackeys, the Cobbler’s elves and Santa’s helpers, had also been taken into custody.  All of her precious teeth had been taken, along with all of the beans she had made.  It was bad news.  She had escaped prison, but only barely.  It wouldn’t be long before her lackeys would start talking.

         Didi had to get away.  She had her wand and the hundred beans she had gotten from the gremlin that very same evening.  It would have to be enough.  She hailed a broom.

         “Take me away from here,” she said as she mounted the broom.

         “Where too?” the driver cackled.

         “Anywhere but here.”

         The broom sped off to the south, disappearing over the horizon.  Didi would have to lay low for a while, at least until the authorities gave up the hunt.  She would go to Queen Mab for help.  Didi rode off into the sunrise, intent on finding the help she needed to clear up her mess.  She knew with Queen Mab’s help, she would be back on top in no time.