The Root

This piece is hard to explain to other people. Any way I explain would almost end up being a self-contradiction, and I try my best not to hurt myself again with that type of thing. Let this piece be the explanation of my "Root" or the foundation of what it is I try to get across.

I have come to believe that all people have some sort of content filter, or manipulator, however you may perceive it yourselves, that sculpts the information they intake, and then base what they believe off of that. But, there are those who are beyond that. There are those who do not trust anything, and cannot believe. I do not have the luxury of being able to sculpt information so that it conforms to what I want to hear, and I have tortured myself numerous times by employing this tactic in my everyday life. It's hard to explain. I don't want to say I take things in a literal sense. But, I do not lie to myself. because then I cannot trust myself. If I cannot trust myself, then I cannot contain the truth about certain things whatever they may be. Honestly, there is no real way to know the truth, we get all our news from people that are more than likely afraid of the news itself, afraid of the information, and censor it to comfort themselves. I often think these people are corrupt, but then again, I cannot be sure of anything, because that's a belief.

This way and process of thinking calls for a type of disposition I have, one that I employ seldom physically. I take this corruption, and place it in society. I have purposely withdrawn myself from the public, very often do I leave this place, because within here, within this structure, my dwelling, I can trust everything to be real. It's not 100% trust. yet, I've grown to like it in here. I cannot fully trust anything, whatsoever, but I place a percentage of my trust within things, and often, my complex thinking tends to leave parts out, or I contradict myself, mentally and physically. A self-contradiction is often debilitating for me because then I must make a choice between one or the other, and I often find myself never fitting into one category because I refuse to believe.

It's impossible to explain, I never believe fully, because I am afraid that if I place all of my trust in a single thing, that, something is going to happen, and I will be betrayed, and lose all my trust. Placing only a fraction of my trust leaves people with only a fraction of trust in me, but that makes it all the easier to part with them when something occurs. I am sick of betrayals and sick of emotional attachments, and with this system I am attempting to make sure I never have to feel that way again. Most people would say that such a system leads to only more anger and hatred, and I'm only hurting myself. But, with the self alienation from the common ways that society thinks, I'll ignore the pain, and face the hardships mentally, because the alienation has left me with an almost impenetrable mind. The less I interact with others, the harder it is for them to get at me, the harder it is for them to influence me, I seek to attain the status that I am complete unable to be influenced, so that I am never again manipulated and used as a tool as a I feel society has done to me in the past. I will voluntarily exile myself from society, as long as I am able to control myself in reality, without using a proxy to feed myself information, I want truth, and I want it in raw form.

I accept other people's beliefs, although they often disgust me, I can accept that they are different, and that's how they live. I do not take these beliefs on myself, else I can be influenced. After all, I'm sure other people look at me, and realize that I am different as well, and I hope that they accept it. If they do not, it's quite alright, but I will not wage war, and I'll remember the fact that they do not accept me, so that I can know this truth, and keep it with me forever. This is how society treated me when I considered myself an actual part of it. With these truths that seem to keep popping up here and there, I am assembling a world where there are no more lies, I am assembling a world where there is no influence, there is no difference between good and evil, or neutrality, and in fact, there will be no good nor evil nor neutrality at all. People will be uninfluenced, unable to be reasoned with, and they too, will be just as I. They will not get lonely, because they are also assembling universes and world inside of their mind from the truth that they find. And because they are as shut out as I often find myself being, I will not be able to feed them the truth. I will not be able to put the information I retain into their minds because they cannot be influenced. From then on I will only hope, and place a minuscule bit of trust into them that they themselves will know completely what is a lie, and what is a truth. I hope from then on in that they can eliminate and crush those who lie to themselves and those who modify the factual, raw information in its purest state and then feed it to others, spreading falsified thoughts like a plague, even if it means they are to crush and destroy themselves.

-Found