How to be a Good Listener

“Tell me your problem. I will listen to you.”

         Really?

         This is what almost all of us believe in. After you read this article, think again. Are you really a good listener or are you just hearing?



         It is somehow difficult to be a good listener. You do not just look at the person and hear him speak. While he is telling you his problem, he should feel that you understand how he feels at that very moment.

         But as easy as it sounds, there are simple ways we should remember if we want to be a good listener.



1. Look him in the eyes.

         While he is talking, it is necessary that you look him in the eyes. That way, he would feel that your attention is really on him and that you are really listening to him.

         Do not stare at other things such as the tree behind him or the people passing by—do not even mind your phone when it beeps! He might think that you are not interested at all and he would only feel more depressed.



2. Agree.

         As you listen, nod your head a little showing that you understand what he is saying and how he feels.



3. Show some expressions and emotions.

         Imagine yourself painted with a blank expression while he, for example, is sharing something that is very tragic. Weird, isn’t it?

         Don’t freak him out with you staring at him like there is no tomorrow. If he is sharing with you something that is sad, show him that you feel the sadness he is speaking of. If he tells something exciting, let your eyes brighten up and make him feel that you feel the excitement too.



4. Comment from time to time.

         NEVER butt in while he is talking! That would ruin everything from being a good listener. For example, he mentions the word “party” and you suddenly remember the rocking party you attended last night. Keep it to yourself for a while because it is not yet your turn to speak.

         Also, do not share you experiences that are similar to his experiences according to his stories. For example, he says “He broke my heart.” Then you would butt in and say, “That’s fine, when I was heart-broken…” would be wrong.

         Give only short comments like “Really?”, “Is that so?” or “I understand.”. Those comments would assure him that both of you are on the same track.



5. Be sincere.

         You cannot do the above just because you want to be a good listener. Unless you show sincerity, you would fail everything listed above because when you are sincere, everything should come to you naturally.



         Listen because you want to help that person feel better, not because you feel like you want to know what his problem is.

         Remember: when there is nothing left to do for you to help someone in need or who is troubled, the best thing you can do for him is to listen to him and make him feel that he is not alone.