Not so Sweet

Mae lurked outside her high school’s entrance. She peeked through the gate while students filed out, but the face she hoped to see never showed. With a sigh, she fixed the tie on her blue uniform. Birds chirped as they observed Mae from tree branches.

“What’re you doing?”

Mae jumped when a voice sounded behind her. She pivoted to confront the person who inquired. “Delcine, don’t scare me like that.”

Delcine adjusted her guitar case’s strap. Her long, blonde hair glittered under the afternoon sunlight. She noticed Mae had her hands behind her back. “What're you hiding back there?”

Mae pressed her back against the wall. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Come on, best friends don’t hide stuff from each other.” Delcine wrestled a wrapped gift out of Mae's hands. Pink ribbons tied the heart shaped box together.

“What do we have here? Valentine’s chocolate?” Delcine switched to a formal voice. "At the tender age of sixteen, Mae falls in love for the first time."

“God, don't say it out loud.” Mae gasped while the passing students chuckled at her. She felt as though Delcine had stripped her in public.

Delcine giggled, but stopped when Mae pouted. She wrapped her arms around Mae. "Aw, I'm sorry, I'll stop being nosy. Will you forgive me?"

Delcine's fragrance neutralised Mae’s displeasure. “Okay, just this once." As Mae said this, she recalled forgiving Delcine on more than one occasion. Seeing Delcine sad had always upset her.

Delcine released her embrace. Handing the chocolate back to Mae, she asked who it was for.

"What happened to not being nosy?" Mae dropped the chocolate into her sunflower patterned handbag. “I’m not telling.”

“Aw, come on.” Delcine leaned towards Mae like a child begging for toys.

Mae cupped both hands over her reddening cheeks. Her heart pounded as Delcine’s green eyes pressured her. Deep inside, she anticipated the unveiling of her crush’s name, but the fear of rejection outplayed this excitement.

"Okay, darling. You don’t have to tell, but damn, I wished I knew who the lucky guy was.” Delcine tugged Mae’s black pigtails.

“Hey, what’re you doing? That hurts.” Mae nursed her ponytails. She wished Delcine would find a different hobby and stop teasing her. "I should just quit while I’m ahead. There's no way it's going to work out." Her eyes shifted towards a nearby bin.

Delcine pinched Mae’s cheeks. “Relax; you’re so short and cute. Who would reject you? Just man up and give him the present.”

“I’m not a man.” Mae raised an eyebrow. “And I’m not short. You’re just tall.” She stood on her tiptoes in a failed attempt to match Delcine’s height.

“Either way, just go for it.” Delcine checked her wristwatch. “I’m late for band practice.” She smacked Mae’s shoulder. “Go on, give him the chocolate already.”

Mae rubbed her shoulder and watched while Delcine sprinted along the streets. “If only I was brave like you.”

As Valentine’s Day advanced, Mae brought her chocolate to school everyday. Yet, she failed to deliver the gift to her crush.

Soon, February fourteenth arrived. Mae entered the science classroom and sat behind Delcine. The reek of Bunsen burners clogged her nostrils. Surrounded by animal skeletons, she pressed her chin against the desktop.

Delcine spun her stool around. She frowned upon seeing the present in Mae’s hands. “Why are you still holding onto that? It’s the last day, buddy.”

“I know, but it’s just too hard.” Mae fixed her eyes on the table’s scratches.

“Would it help if I came along?” Delcine stroked Mae’s black hair. “Let’s meet outside the gates after school. We’ll wait for your future boyfriend there, yeah?”

Just as Mae prepared to protest, her teacher stepped into the lab. For once, Mae prayed class would never end. Her wish shattered when the bell chimed, granting the students permission to return home.

After packing her bag, Mae joined Delcine at the front gate. “Let’s just forget about this.” Thunder rumbled across the darkening skies.

As Mae attempted to flee, Delcine grabbed her wrist. “Hey, don't run away. Didn’t you work hard to make that chocolate? Just give it to him. It’ll be a sweet feeling. I promise.”

Delcine let go of Mae, who managed a small nod. The two watched while the chattering students exited school.

Twenty minutes later, after the last person departed, Mae still carried the gift in her palm.

Delcine surveyed the empty schoolyard. “Do you want to wait a bit longer?”

Mae shook her head.

“Don’t give up, girly. Maybe he went to the bathroom or something.” Delcine put her hands onto her hips. “What kind of guy is he? Making us wait like this.”

Mae’s pride ordered her to quit, but her desire for hope overcame. She resolved to jump off the cliff, even if it would break her. A part of her prayed she would find gold on the bottom.

Mae’s ears flushed crimson. “It’s not a guy.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Mae presented the chocolate to Delcine. Her arms threatened to fall, as the gift weighed like a rock. She dug her fingers into the chocolate, then felt stupid for ruining the present. Actually, she just felt stupid, period.

"Is this for me?" Delcine faked a smile. Her lips quivered while they curled. “Oh, then there was no need to act nervous. It's just friendship chocolate, isn't it?" Her smile vanished when Mae shook her head.

“I know it’s weird, okay? But I can’t help it." Mae gritted her teeth. She thought her heart might burst. "You think I'm a freak, don't you?” She twirled a finger around Delcine’s locks.

Delcine brushed Mae’s hand off. “Come on, don’t do that.”

Mae stretched the chocolate towards Delcine. “Please, tak – “

"No!" Delcine slapped the gift onto the ground. Her eyes darted to either seek help, or to check if anyone saw her ill behavior. “I’m sorry.” She turned her back on Mae before bolting across the road. Cars hooted as she dashed past a red light.

At last, rain started to pour. The droplets mingled with Mae’s tears while she retrieved the ruined chocolate. “Liar, there’s nothing sweet about this.” She threw the gift into the nearest bin. As Delcine vanished around a corner, Mae screamed at her. “Liar, I hate you!” She gazed up the ledge she had leapt off. The cliff proved impossible to scale back up, so she swam in a sea of despair. She chided herself for ever expecting to discover gold.

The drenching rain left Mae sick throughout the remaining week. Yet, coughs and vomit felt like gifts compared to the hollow in her heart. As time passed, the grudge she held against Delcine collapsed upon herself. She wondered what cursed her into abandoning the chocolate. Every evening, she stained her pillow with tears. Her mingled emotions of love and hate towards Delcine ripped her insides.

On Saturday night, after swallowing some pills for her cold, Mae left her house for a stroll. The crescent moon and street lights lit the neighborhood. Under the starry sky, Mae wandered in her school’s direction. Her mind pressured her towards turning around, but her heart urged her onwards, as though she could redo her confession by going there. She shivered under the evening breeze, which penetrated her white dress.

When Mae approached the school's front gate, she spotted a girl rummaging through a garbage bin. Mae recognized her tall profile. “Delcine?”

Delcine veered around while swiping dirt off her t-shirt and jeans. Food scraps glued to her silky hair. The garbage’s stench masked her aroma.

Mae grimaced. “Don’t tell me you’re looking for the chocolate?”

Decline’s eyes glistened with tears. “I saw you dropping it here, but now it’s gone.”

Mae grimaced. “They probably cleaned out the trash.” When Delcine started to retreat, Mae gripped her hand. “Hey, what’re you doing? Weren’t you the one who taught me not to run away?”

Delcine’s lips gaped, but no words came out.

Mae released Delcine. “Best friends don’t hide stuff from each other.”

“I don’t think you’re weird. Really, I don’t. But I can’t return your feelings. You’re like a sister to me.” Delcine sniffled. “I still really like you, though, okay? I’m really sorry. Please understand. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Of course I don’t hate you.” Mae passed Delcine a handkerchief.

“But I threw away your chocolate.”

“You didn’t throw it away. I did.” Mae grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ll make you another one. This time, it’ll be friendship chocolate.” Her heart tore when she uttered those words. As her eyes glistened with tears, she wondered whether they sourced from pleasure or pain. Whatever the reason, she knew scarring Delcine would pain her above anything else. For Delcine's sake, as well as her own, Mae kept her smile.

"Oh, you're the best." Delcine coiled her arms around Mae.

Again, Mae peered up the cliff she fell off. This time, she found Delcine tossing her a rope. Delcine’s embrace graced her with warmth. She returned her friend’s hug. Trying may not always be sweet, but at least, it's not as bitter as regretting.