Invasion of the Alien Squirrels

Prompt: Write a story or poem about dealing with a massive squirrel infestation.
Word Count: 585

I wouldn’t mind the damn squirrels so much if they ate something besides nuts and cat food. Some of my neighbors are afraid of them because of the glowing red eyes and midnight black fur. I don’t see that as a problem myself. Of course, here in the desert the squirrels get unusually hot during the day, which explains why they come into the house every time someone opens door.

The first time a couple of them came into the house, it frightened my mother and the cats. Rusty and Midnight attacked the squirrels. It took me an hour or two to get the animals apart, caged and to the vet. After I took the cats and squirrels to the vet, then I went to the UMC emergency room.

I wasn’t the only person there with squirrel wounds. There were about two dozen other people there with similar cuts, bites, scratches and abrasions. Since I was a pet owner, I was one of the lucky ones who had the foresight to capture the squirrels and take them to the vet with my animals.

I say lucky because none of the pet owners had to have rabies shots. The squirrels we captured weren’t rabid, they were just hot, hungry and thirsty. Actually, that’s how I captured the squirrels. I put cat food and water into one of my cat carriers and squirrels were so thirsty they went right into the carriers. In fact, the squirrels were easier to get into the carries then the cats.

So what brought on this massive squirrel infestation. I’m not sure about the rest of the country, but here in Las Vegas we have two possible theories. One of the theories has to do with a secret government project. According to the newspaper articles, government scientists are cloning squirrels at Area 51. It seems cloned squirrels breed unusually fast; the clones escaped and made their way to Las Vegas. Of course, no government agency is admitting to this. I don’t expect that, after all why admit to a secret project gone wrong.

The other theory has to do with Area 51, as well. I think this is the more plausible of the two theories. This theory says that the squirrels are aliens from another planet. The Air Force captured the squirrels UFO and the imprisoned the creatures at Area 51. It seems one of the other alien prisoners kept there escaped and freed the squirrels. Of course, no one is admitting to this either.

I wish the invading squirrels ate roaches and other vermin. If they did, I’d capture a pair and become an exterminator. The problem with the squirrels now, is what to do with them. No animal protection society can keep them for long. It seems the squirrels are intelligent enough to figure out how to unlock their cages. They’ve even escaped from the Las Vegas city jail and the Clark county prison.

There doesn’t appear to be a lock in the world those squirrels can’t unlock given the time. This explains why I find my doors unlocked in the morning, the cat food missing and my refrigerator broken into. Fortunately, they haven’t learned to use a can opener yet, but it’s only a matter of time. After all the squirrels have figured out how to turn off my alarm system, so a can opener can’t be that difficult to use.