Interpersonal Cancer

I try to write and explain without putting myself as the example; however, it is difficult to do. Nevertheless, if any one of my family members happens to read this, it will be “engulfed”, into their analogy as me only thinking of myself as always. In fact, I really do not care for their way of thinking anymore, as all it has done is shattered any hopes or dreams I ever had for my life.



Ever had the feeling something is sucking the life out of you; feeling drained, no energy. Well, my advice would be, take a closer look at your environment and the people in it, and see what they are doing or not doing would be more like it. If you are anything like me, not much kept you from doing anything. Although, if all of a sudden a problem arises and it needs more than one person to fix, or you get sick, and no matter how sick you are, you seem to feel you have to go about your every day thing as if there is nothing wrong or with you. Over time, more and more problems appear to occur and those who say they love and care about you, refuse to help deal with them. If you get the sense these things are happening deliberately you are most likely are feeling right.



Deliberately sabotaged by others, just so they can save their own face in preventing the possibility that they do not end up having to deal with by the judicial system, as they should. Well this is what my families did, and know matter how hard I tried to explain what I could see occurring, my cries for help was continued on to be ignored.



Family conflict induced to put out of sight, so many secrets, over time it will destroy all trust, relationships, and give power to others to have a determination not to ease the burden from those it eventually touches, increasing more burdens on those who have to continue to suffocate.



As the saying goes prevention far out weights the cure, and if they actually looked into the history of all this, I believe, I would not be live in this nightmare of consistently feeling defenseless in trying to fight for what I think is right.



Such a waste of life, it has so many repercussions for all who is involved, especially the children who have to grow up, around the adults who choose to continue it on; as if it is a normal part of every day life. My children will continue to believe they do no wrong as others do, for years to come. In all honesty, I do not care to be around when the day comes for those who finely start asking questions, fight for their rights to have understanding I why they too had it infect their lives.



It does not matter how big or small the conflict, it depends on how many it involves, one, two, three, ten, twenty or thirty, where does it stop and who stops it and how, why did it happen in the first place… I use to be on the inside looking out, now I am on the outside looking in, as it appears, it has happened over generations and evolved with evolution, has been perfected with lies and deception as only to make one look better than the other. Rather than say, I am sorry, I was wrong and (resolve it on the spot). I think they call it communication.



Self-preservation now seems to be more of a priority rather than preserving a family-unit, which exhibits real love and care. If one considers what my immediate family comprises of, which are, seven children and nine grandchildren, plus those who use to be apart of this immediate family, who also chose self-preservation. I ought to be oozing with love and respect, as in receiving and giving. The sad fact is they pursue their quest for it to include their younger siblings and my grandchild, are now in training to continue the conflict that really has nothing to do with them what so ever.



How does one stop this, easy become one of them, lie, deceive and play mind games …NOT. Family secrets, denial, and I guess a long line of illegitimate children conceived out of wedlock throughout the generations, imagine having, but in reality no social statues in society. The sad fact of so many forms of pedophilia showing their insidious faces within the family-unit, upon the innocents of a child with to many embarrassments to act upon them, making the children feel they must forgive and forget.



How can you forgive and forget when it has gone from a Child to Child’s child? Ask for those, for their thoughts in you finding a way to get closer, tell you, you have a “god given right” to get the closer you need. Then when you step out to get that closer, thinking you have the support of those, you are lead to believe love and cared about you, only to have your life ripped out from under you, as if you are the trash of somebody else’s garbage, and not their own.



The day I found out about my child being on the receiving end of history repeating, ought to have been the day my children realized that the buck stops here. Instead, continue with the lies and deception, so the grandchildren can learn. I come with all my flaws and faults, as well as those learned from others, having to pay for them dearly, on a daily basis, either through their financial, psychological, isolation, parental, and mental abuse. Repetitively dished out by those, who feel I had placed the entire cyclic manifestations of generations before.



However, was I the creator of all this? I think not. Do I take some blame? Yes I do. Therefore, what parts do I take the blame for, when in reality I did nothing wrong apart from informing my family that I was going to “right a wrong”, even if it took the rest of my life. Those, who consider decimating one or more people’s lives because of their own shame and guilt, manipulate others outside of the family-unit whether it is friends or various government departments. To deem the lies and deceptions as truth and nothing but the truth, so one cannot get the closer one deserves, makes then not only inhuman but also evil and very much dangerous!



How dare this sanctimonious fetid thing walk into the police and state he has know memory on? What he did, to me over the years? Then state he had hurt others.