Untitled; Part Three

And, as the years passed, there were many more parties, many more tears, and many more boys. I grew up and changed a lot, believe me. The fourteen-year-old girl, I’d left behind a long time ago.

Now I was sixteen, a junior, and been asked out twice in one day. The first kid to ask me was a science geek kid who wanted to take me to a movie. I didn’t exactly say no. I just said ‘maybe some other time, thanks.’ He seemed satisfied with that and left me alone by my locker.

The next person to approach me was Alex, asking if we seriously did have an English essay due tomorrow. Yes, we seriously did. She left running down the halls, frantic about the assignment.

The third person to come up to me in the same ten minutes was, of all people, Sterling Knight. Now, to clear all this up, Emily, Kate, Alex, Erin, and me all decided to stay away from Sterling Knight. So, I’ve had nothing to do with him in the past two years.

But as he came up to me with that killer smile of his, I had a flash-back of the past week. He’d been looking at me pretty much everywhere. And when I’d catch him looking, he’d smile and wink.

And he kept popping up in the oddest places. One time he was leaning against the wall outside the girls’ bathroom. I saw him there and he nodded at me, but didn’t follow me or anything.

Another time, I passed him at the mall. But the odd thing about that was that he was there by himself.

The most recent time, though, I’ve found him was at the store I worked at of all places. It was this downtown store that sold girls’ jewelry. He happened to come strolling in just as I was closing up for the day. I stopped wiping down the counter and he stopped and stared right back at me. And we stared at each other for at least thirty seconds before I said, “Did you want something, Knight?”

Turned out he’d just wanted to use the bathroom…that didn’t exist. I sent him across the street to Giant. Then I finished closing up the shop quickly before he came back to stalk me some more.

And now, here he was two feet in front of me not saying anything.

“What do you want?” I asked maybe a little more harshly than I’d meant to.

“Keira,” he began and his voice was all shaky.

“What’s wrong with your voice?” I asked.

“Oh.” He cleared his throat and blamed it on a cold. Was he nervous? Talking to me? You’ve got to be kidding me. “Keira,” he said again.

I raised my eyebrows. “Sterling, the bell is going to ring any minute and I gotta go.” I zipped around him and continued down the hall toward biology.

But, just as I got to the doorway, Sterling cut me off really quick. I frowned. “You’re not in this class.”

“I know,” he said.

“Well, you’re going to be late. You’re in Spanish. And that’s all the way down at the other side of this building.”

“I think I know my own schedule, Keira.”

I rolled my eyes. “What do you want from me?”

“A date. Uh, this Friday. A movie or, uh, something. Something else. Whatever. You, uh, you can pick.” He was nervous.

I cracked a smile. “This Friday, huh?”

“Uh, yeah.”

I turned to look into the classroom where I found my geek absorbed with the lizard tank in the back of the room. “I already have a date then.”

“With who?” The first bell rang. We cleared away from the doorway, so kids could file into the room.

“Harold Lance.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he murmured.

I laughed. “Yes, I’m kidding you.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re free then?”

“Mhmm,” I nodded.

He smiled, relieved. “So, then I’ll pick you up at seven?”

“I don’t recall saying I’d go to a movie with you, Knight.”

His smile disappeared. I know I was being just plain mean now, but I was enjoying having the coolest, richest boy in the whole school squirm under my gaze. “So, you don’t want to go with me then?”

“I didn’t say that either,” I said, a small smile on my lips.

“Goodness, Keira! Do you want to go with me or not??” He’d finally cracked.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh, I don’t know. It could be fun, I suppose.” My friends and I had had an agreement on not to interact with this kid. What was I doing?? I looked back up at him. “All right. Pick me up at seven.”

Slowly, that famous smile crept back and his eyes crinkled at the edges. “Ok? Ok. See you then, Keira!”

“See you then.” He sprinted away and immediately got scolded for running in the halls. I couldn’t hold in my laughter as I took my seat in biology.

When I sat down, one of the last students to do so, Mr. Gerard was blabbing on and on about some biology assignment that I wasn’t really paying attention to. I’d get the information from a friend later. “Students, we have a new student in the school. This is Ryan Barrett.” This Ryan kid came into the room with a big smile on his face and I didn’t really look up at him.

Behind me, Erin tapped on my shoulder. I turned around slightly and she handed me a little piece of paper. I opened it and rolled my eyes. She would. All the note said was, “He’s a cutie.”

For the first time for real, as the teacher was still babbling on about Ryan, I really looked up at him. The first thing that happened was that he locked eyes with me and my stomach did a major flip-twist thing. Then my heart started pounding really fast.

“Pst.”

I turned around to look at Erin again. She was frowning and her eyes were concerned. “Are you ok?” she mouthed.

I swallowed hard and, without answering her, turned back to look at the kid in the front of the classroom again.

“And, Ryan, you can take the seat right next to Keira there.”

I glanced to the left of me. An empty seat!

Ryan made his way to the seat and I watched him carefully. Why was I acting like this and why did it feel like I knew him?

My eyes grew wide as it dawned on me. Could it really be possible? Ryan Barrett looked exactly like my imaginary friend! I blinked my eyes a few times to see if what I was really seeing was real.

He smiled as he sat down next to me. “Hey.”

“Hi,” I said. My voice sounded strangled.

“Are you ok?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

He smiled again. “Good. I’m Ryan, by the way.”

“Hi. Keira, I’m.” He chuckled and I shook my head to clear it a little. “I mean, I’m Keira.”

“I got it the first time,” he replied. “Don’t worry.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help staring. You really remind me of someone I once knew.”

He looked amused. “Really?”

I nodded quickly. “But his name wasn’t Ryan.”

“Oh? What was it?”

My cheeks flushed. “This might sound stupid, but it was Fluffy.”

“Fluffy? A few of my old friends used to call me that, too.”

Once again, it was hard for me to swallow and I couldn’t breathe right. I slowly turned my head back to the front of the classroom where the teacher was drawing something on the chalkboard. I gripped the edges of my desk and prayed for some air; for me to begin breathing again. After a few minutes, I was ok. I kept my gaze straight ahead of me and didn’t risk even one glance at the boy sitting next to me.

As soon as the bell rang at the end of the period, I was up and out of my seat before anyone else.

“In a hurry, Keira?” Mr. Gerard asked without looking at me. He was stacking papers at his desk.

“Kind of,” I said quickly before I whipped around and out the door. I didn’t look back as I raced to my next class.

Turned out that Ryan wasn’t in any of my other classes except lunch. “So, did you meet the new guy, Ryan, yet?” Alex asked whoever was listening at lunch.

“Keira did,” Erin volunteered.

I shrugged modestly. “Oh, well, kind of. No big deal. Really.”

“Tell us!” Kate said, leaning forward.

I rolled my eyes. “Stop acting like he’s a celebrity! He’s completely normal. Nothing strange about him at all.” But my voice trailed off as I caught his gaze as he was walking toward a table with a bunch of kids I didn’t know.

“Yeah,” Alex said kind of loudly. “Nothing strange about you suddenly staring off into space like you’ve completely dropped off the face of the world.” Her voice turned dramatic. “Staring into his eyes and pleading with him, ‘Oh, Ryan, just take me away from here and let me be with you.’”

“Oh stop,” I muttered.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked, concern flooding her voice.

I stared at her, then shrugged. “Nothing. Are you going to eat that watermelon?”

“Not really. It’s old or something. Don’t eat it.”

I chuckled. “Probably safe not to.”

“Come on, Keira!” Alex begged. “Tell us about Ryan.”

“There’s nothing to tell. You know his name. I missed everything the teacher said about him. Go talk to him yourself.”

“That’s ok,” Alex said quickly.

I glanced up. “Is he in any of your classes?”

“He’s in my math class,” Emily volunteered.

“English,” Kate said.

“Yeah, I’m also in that English class,” Erin told us.

“Ok,” I said. “He’s just in my biology and then this lunch…so far.”

“I think we’re all in P. E. together.”

“Ugh.” I dropped my head onto the table. It made a loud clunking sound. It wasn’t as painful as I’m making it sound.

“What’s wrong with you, Keira?” Erin demanded. “First you acted like you saw a ghost when Ryan walked into the room. And now, this? What is up?”

I shook my head fast. “Nothing. Nothing. I just need some air or something.” I pushed back my chair abruptly and excused myself to the ladies’ room. I studied myself in the mirror for a long time, possibly hoping something would happen. Although, I’m not at all sure of what I was waiting for. I splashed some water onto my face, and then fixed my makeup.

As I was returning to my table, I ran into Ryan. “Oh, hey. Keira, right?” Did he not know?

“Uh, yeah.”

He frowned. “Are you ok? You seem a little unsettled or something.”

“No, no,” I said way too quickly. “I’m perfectly fine. Just on my way to my table.”

“Oh, ok. Yeah, me too.” He smiled and then disappeared around a corner. What the heck was that all about?

I hurried back to my table and put on my mask. It was my mask of normalness. I could wear it and immediately erase all the pain from my outer body. But my heart was still feeling it. Actually, my heart was in a jumble today.

Did Ryan’s coming to my school mean he was back for me?

Or am I supposed to go on being sad I lost him in the first place?

And does he not know it’s me? The girl he had to leave because she didn’t need him anymore. That was a lie. I’ve always, always needed him.



So, P. E. wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought. We played volleyball, so Ryan was on the opposing team and he barely talked to me. He just said hi right before class. Of course I said it right back just as casually. Ok, maybe I was trying too hard and my mask was coming loose. My face felt plastic like it would never show regular non-creepy emotions again.

After school finally ended, I walked home at a brisker pace than usual. I just had to get home so I could lie on my bed and think this over. After I made a jelly sandwich, I lay on my bed on my back, staring at the ceiling. “Now what?” I asked out loud.

I stared at the ceiling waiting for an answer that would most likely never come. “Someone help me out here!” I said, exasperated.

After another thirty seconds I gave up waiting for an answer to magically appear before me. So, I was on my own in this one. So, Ryan is back. Or else it’s someone who looks like him, acts like him, and sounds like him. Coincidence? I’m thinking not.

All right, just saying that he is back. Now what? If he doesn’t remember, then it’s like he’s not really mine. He never really was. It was only an assignment. But I always liked to think it was more than that. That somehow, he’d fall in love with me and we’d have a love story everyone is jealous of. And maybe depressed people would sing about us and our perfect life together.

But if I’ve learned anything in the last sixteen years, it’s that nothing is perfect. Life makes sure of that.

So, coming back to the subject at hand here.

Ryan is back in my life again. What am I going to do about it? I dismissed that question. I didn’t have the answer to that one yet. Put it on hold.

Ok, so what if he never remembers me? I didn’t want to even think about that one another second. Moving on, please.

What if he does remember? Then what? Do we forget the last two horrible years he left me alone in the world? He had been my walking stick, my eyesight. When he left, he made me blind and left me stumbling in the middle of the darkest part of life.

The high school era.

But he was back now. That was the thing. Did that mean I could see again?

I got up from the bed quickly and left the room altogether. My head was getting all mixed up. I had come to my room to be alone. To think. But it wasn’t going so well at all. I had to get out. I had to get away for a while.

So, I grabbed my bike and pedaled.





Ryan

The day I arrived at Cedar Valley High School, I got a lot of stares. I expected this. It was the awkward time in my ‘career’. I was between assignments. The whole problem with this, though, was that I could be whisked away to the next assignment in a moment’s notice. So, I didn’t know if it would be a few more hours or a few more years. There was no way to know.

And I couldn’t base this one off of my other in between time periods because they all were different! I tell you, sometimes I think I want to quit. Then I meet a girl like Keira Mason and I can’t quite remember why I wanted to quit in the first place.

When I first noticed her was when I was being introduced to the biology class in first period. I caught her staring at me as the teacher said something or other about my fake last address and information. Something clicked between me and this girl who I later found out was named Keira.

She stared at me with such intensity, I was sort of afraid of what she was thinking. What could possibly cause her to have a look like that on her face?

Then something else occurred to me. She totally looked familiar.

I took the seat that the teacher told me to sit at and decided to introduce myself to this girl. So, I sat down in the empty seat and smiled at her. “Hey,“ I said, trying act casual.

“Hi,” she said sounding surprised.

“Are you ok?” I asked. Polite. Be polite.

She hesitated just slightly before answering that. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

I’m not sure I believed her, but I smiled in acceptance anyway. “Good. I’m Ryan, by the way.”

“Hi,” she said again. “Keira, I’m.”

I laughed a little. Wow. She shook her head making those familiar curls swish past my face.

“I mean, I’m Keira.”

“I got it the first time,” I told her in reassurance. “Don’t worry.”

She blinked her huge blue eyes once. “I’m sorry, I can’t help staring. You really remind me of someone I once knew.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Really?” I was thinking the same thing about her.

She nodded pretty fast. “But his name wasn’t Ryan.”

For some reason, this surprised me. What other name could it be? “Oh? What was it?” I was genuinely interested.

Her cheeks colored a little and I smiled. She looked cute when she blushed. “This might sound stupid, but it was Fluffy.”

I felt my stomach drop.

She was right.

That had been my name a very long time ago. Who was this girl? I could not remember her. But I didn’t let my emotions show.

“Fluffy?” I asked, amused. “A few of my old friends used to call me that, too.”

Her eyes, I swear, grew twice in size and she robotically turned her head back in the direction of the teacher. She didn’t look at me the rest of the class.

So, had she recognized me? If she had, I wanted to know who I was! I mean, I knew who I was. What I really wanted to know was how my life was somehow mixed up with hers. Her face, her voice, her attitude, it was all so familiar. Somehow, a while ago, I’d met her and I don’t think it was brief either. Was she one of the kids I’d guarded; watched over? Which one? How was I going to find that one out?

I watched the clock like a hawk the last five minutes of class. I really wanted to talk to her. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but I really wanted to hear her voice again.

Just as the minute hand ticked over the twelve and the bell ran to signal the end of the period, Keira abruptly got up and almost ran out of the room. Was that my fault?

She wasn’t in any of my other classes and I didn’t see her again until lunch. I stood in line for whatever it was they were serving today and I looked for her until I finally found her surrounded by a bunch of girls.

Great. That’s not intimidating at all.

I rolled my eyes and finally got through the lunch line. As I walked with three guys I’d met in Math class toward a table, I caught her gaze again. Her eyed fastened on mine and stayed glued there until I got to my table which I almost crashed into because of her.

But when I looked back up to find her, after setting my tray on the table, I couldn’t right away.

Then I saw her hurrying toward the bathrooms. And for some reason, I followed her. No, I wasn’t going to go in there. I was just going to wait outside and see if I could talk to her again.

She wasn’t in there long and when she came out she almost ran right into me. “Oh, hey,” I said, trying to act nonchalant. “Keira, right?” I stared into her eyes and tried desperately to remember.

“Uh, yeah,” she said and looked down at her shoes.

“Are you ok?” I asked. I knew I’d already asked again, but maybe she needed to hear it twice before she said anything else. Wow, I was losing it. “You seem a little unsettled or something.”

“No, no,” she said. I caught the lies in her words. They weren’t hidden very well. “I’m perfectly fine. Just on my way to my lunch table.”

“Oh, ok. Yeah, me too.” I smiled at her one more time before rounding a corner back into the crowded lunchroom.





Keira

I admit it. When I walked into the school the next morning, I looked left and right before proceeding down the hallway. I didn’t see him yet. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him. I was just very unsure.

What if he really was my guardian from before and he really remembers me and everything I’ve told him over fourteen years? He was good at keeping secrets.

Once, I told him that I had a crush on Tommy Wilders in the second grade. He never told anyone like he promised.

And now Tommy is a drug dealer.

Funny how innocence fades away after a while if you’re not careful. I’m not saying I’m naïve. I’m just saying I’m not a drug dealer.

I opened my locker and put back the math book I’d taken home to study last night. But did I get any studying done? Who knows? I might have read the material about a dozen times, but do I remember any of it? Oh no. Not me. I had my mind on other things.

Other people.

Other boys.

Sterling Knight walked by me right then and purposely bumped my shoulder so there was no way not to pretend I didn’t notice. You’d have to be a rock not to notice that. It actually kind of hurt, too. I think he pushed me a little harder than he’d meant to. I’d slammed back into my locker door kind of hard. And those things have razor sharp edges!

I let out a little yelp, but Sterling didn’t even glance back to see if I was ok.

Jerk.

Why was I going out with him again? Wait, was there a reason?

I looked down the hallway, but Sterling had already turned a corner and was out of sight. I sighed. I’d forgotten all about that little date we’d planned. But that didn’t have to change just because a new kid is starting school here now. Ryan didn’t have to affect any of the plans I made.

Course, I’d much rather go out with him than the wannabe underwear model.

I shoved my book into my locker and slammed it shut. I cringed as I walked down the hallway toward biology. I could feel a bruise or scrape or something already taking over back there. I got to my desk and slumped down in the chair. Course, now because of my back, I couldn’t lean back in the chair and get comfortable.

I hate Sterling Knight.

Within the next thirty seconds, the rest of the classroom filled up with whoever hadn’t been there when I’d gotten there or before.

Did that even make sense??

Ryan took the available seat next to me again. I didn’t mind that much. He looked over and smiled at me. He seemed happy this morning. Did he recognize me? But there was no ‘aha!’ in his eyes when he looked at me. He just sort of stared at me as if I was a puzzle he was trying to solve.

Well, good. Let him try that instead of me, for once.

Mr. Gerard entered the room and shut the door behind him. He started going on and going about some sort of plant. It was a wonder I had a high B in this class. I barely paid attention. Half the time, Erin and I were passing notes.

I heard a quiet gasp behind me and turned around slightly to see what happened to Erin this time. A broken nail? Chipped? Text message? “What?” I mouthed.

Her eyes were huge with fear. “Your back is bleeding,” she mouthed silently back to me.

I hesitated a moment before taking my hand and reaching back there to see what the problem was. When I felt something wet and sticky, I pulled my hand back quickly. My fingers were all red. “Mr. Gerard,” I whispered so quietly, I couldn’t even hear myself.

But Ryan must have.

“Mr. Gerard!”

Mr. Gerard stopped talking, for once, and glanced our way. “Oh, my goodness!” he yelled when he saw my hand and the look on my face. He raced down to my desk and helped me up out of my chair. I was pretty limp, though. I think I was in the process of passing out. Ryan stood up to help, too.

“We need to get her to the nurse!” Mr. Gerard said or demanded.

“I’ll take her.”

It was Ryan.

I glanced at him under half closed eyes and managed a small smile.

Thank you.

Mr. Gerard looked at him, sizing him up for a moment. He must have liked what he saw because he said, “Well, ok. If you think you’re sure.”

“I’m completely sure,” he said and took me from the teacher. I was happy to be in his arms. This was probably the most familiar place I’ve been to yet. When I was little I used to do everything in his arms. I’d cry, I’d talk forever, tell stories, I’d sing, I’d sleep. He never minded. I think he liked it, actually.

Ryan and I stumbled our way out of the classroom and into the empty hall. I looked down at my hand and the red glinted in the light. “Oh my gosh,” I said. The lightheaded feeling was almost overpowering.

“Stay conscious,” he murmured into my ear. “You’re easier to get to the nurse this way.”

And, despite everything, I chuckled. “Because it’s all about the easiest way.”

He nodded. “Oh yeah. Here. Lean against this locker for a minute. I want to see the scratch. It might not be that bad.”

“It’s bleeding,” I said matter-of-factly.

He shook his head. “It really doesn’t matter. How did it happen?”

“Sterling Knight bumped into me in the hallway before class and I kind of fell against my open locker door.”

He cringed at my own pain. “Ouch. Bet that hurt.”

“Yeah. And it kind of hurt that Sterling didn’t even turn around to see if he’d hurt me. Which apparently, he had.”

Ryan grinned. “Glad you see you’re ok and back to normal. Now let me see it.”

I put my hands on my hips, challenging him. And this was pretty funny because he was exactly a foot taller than me.

“I just meant that you sound good. Not like you’re going to pass out on me.”

I cracked a smile. “Why would I pass out on you?”

His eyes grew wide and he ducked his head. “That’s not what I meant…Just let me see it, Keira!”

“Whatever,” I said, turning around. “It doesn’t even feel like it’s bleeding anymore.”

“Your shirt has blood all over the back of it.”

My breath caught. “You’re exaggerating.”

“Sadly, I’m really not. The whole middle of your back has blood on it.”

“Well, check the cut! See if I’m going to have to get stitches or something! Oh please no stitches!”

He lifted my shirt a little. “Why no stitches? You’d rather have a big scar on your back?”

“Scars are cool. They’re like war marks.”

“So, you were in a battle with an open locker door.”

I rolled my eyes. Did he have to take everything so literal?? “Have you checked the cut yet?” I moved away from his hands and yanked my shirt back in place. “You know what? We would have been to the nurse by now if you hadn’t insisted.”

He shrugged. “I was just trying to help.”

I rolled my eyes again. And he was nice? I turned and pulled up the back of my shirt. “There. How does it look?”

“Sort of bad. Let’s get to the nurse.”

I grinded my teeth. “What was the point of looking if you were going to tell me that anyway?”

He chuckled. “You have quite the personality.”

I quieted down for a few seconds to mull that over.

“Hey, look who’s not talking,” he said.

“That would be me,” I said.

He laughed.

“I’m kind of fine now, Ryan, really. You don’t need to escort me to the nurse. I’m not going to pass out.”

He held up a hand. “I already told Mr. Gerard that I’d take you to the nurse. I always keep my promises.”

Something broke inside me then. “No! No, you don’t! When you left me two years ago, you promised me you’d see me soon! Does two years sound soon to you? I had no idea when I was going to see you again! It could have been eighty years for all I knew, Ryan! And you didn’t even remember me when you came here yesterday! I was just another kid! Just another whiny, silly, stupid, kid you stay with just to make them feel devastated when you leave! I cried for hours after you left, Ryan. I was so sure I wasn’t ever going to see you again. I kept having this dream over and over that, a hundred years later, you walk to my grave and say you missed me. But if you missed me, why didn’t you come for me? Why? Because you didn’t miss me! You forgot all about me! You never cared! I - .”

I was cut off unexpectedly when his lips fell over mine. And I was swept away in his embrace. I let go of the broken remains of my heart.





Ryan

She’s quite the character, ain’t she? We argued the whole way to the nurse. Well, actually that was all her. I commented a little, but she’s the one throwing knives!

But, let me back up here a little. I’m forgetting something very vital.

When we were back in class, I heard the exchanged between Erin and Keira. And when I saw Keira lightly touch the middle of her back and pull away to find blood all over her fingers, I started freaking out.

Maybe not on the outside. On the outside, I was calm and in control.

Inside, I was scared something was really wrong with her. Her eyes took in the dark liquid on her fingertips and I could tell she was loosing it.

“Mr. Gerard,” she said in this tiny voice so unlike her, it scared the heck out of me.

I jumped up and yelled for the teacher to help. I don’t know if you can die from smashing into a locker door, but it sure gave me a scare.

And I still hadn’t remembered her. To me, she was a girl I once knew. She was intriguing and I was attracted to her for some reason. She was a mystery to be solved. Like finding the last piece to a puzzle.

When I offered to take her to the nurse and after the teacher agreed, he handed her to me. And when she curled against my chest just somehow knowing I would do everything to take care of her, I found it.

The last missing piece of the puzzle.

This was Keira Annie Mason. This was the girl who invented the nickname Fluffy. More people know me by that nickname than my real name. Every memory I’d had with her came flooding back as I held her in my arms. That was all it took.

And it only lasted a split second.

Then we staggered out of the classroom. And that’s when she sort of returned to normal being all emotional and kind of scary for a tiny girl. I couldn’t help but feel amused when she tried challenging me. I mean, come on. Challenge Fluffy? You’ve lost before you even begun, my friend.

But when we stopped in front of the nurse’s office and she said she could do the rest herself, I’d said something wrong.

But also, something right.

See, she started yelling at me about promises and me leaving her behind and how afraid she was that she would never see me again. And somehow, during those mean words that were meant to hurt me, I found something else in them.

She was in love with me.

Otherwise, she’d never have started yelling about those kinds of things. So, I acted on impulse not knowing if it was a mistake or not. I grabbed her and pulled her to me roughly, momentarily forgetting about her back.

She cried out, but only for a moment.

I softened my hands and then gently gave her what she was looking for. All she wanted was to know if I loved her back. With a gentle kiss, I answered her.







Keira

Well, that was pretty darn unexpected. I was yelling at him and then he just kind of scooped me up and kissed me like I hadn’t been pretty much stabbing him with words.

At first, when he kissed me, my brain was yelling at my hands to push him away. But my hands didn’t really want to. Instead, they wrapped around Ryan and hugged him close. I closed my eyes and let it happen.

It didn’t last long, though. And I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved.

“What was that for?” I snapped. My brain was still mad at him.

But he wasn’t fazed in the least. He had a big smile on his face. He shrugged at my question. He turned toward the door to the right of us. “The nurse is in there.”

I didn’t quite know what to say to that. So, I just stared at him for a while.

After so many seconds, his smile disappeared. “Are you ok, Keira?”

I hesitated before answering that. “Not really.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, stepping toward me again.

I took a step back automatically. “Hey, I still don’t trust you,” I said, holding my hands up in front of me to keep him from touching me again.

He stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry I left. I didn’t have a choice in the matter, Keira. If it was all my choice, I would have stayed with you till you died.”

My face softened from its intense gaze. “Really? You wouldn’t have left?”

He shook his head fast. “No way, Keira.” He cracked a smile and a little red crept into his cheeks. “By the way, me too.”

“What?” Now I was confused.

“Oh, you know…”

“What do I know?”

He smiled bigger. “When you were yelling at me, I realized something.”

“That you were a jerk?”

He sighed. “I thought we were past that.”

“Sorry. Go on. You were saying?”

He rolled his eyes, but smiled again. “I realized that while you were yelling at me about me leaving you and how much it hurt…Keira, you love me.”

My head snapped up to look at him directly. “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope,” he said, still smiling. “If you didn’t love me; if you weren’t in love with me, you wouldn’t have cared nearly this much.”

“You were my best friend. Of course I cared!”

“Oh, that may be,” he said, walking toward me again. “But, admit it, you’re crazy for me!”

I raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Oh really? Are you sure about that?”

“Completely,” he said.

“Is that your final answer?”

“Yes. I didn’t know I was on a game show.”

I laughed, but then suddenly stopped.

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked for probably the third or fourth time today.

“Wait,” I said quietly. “You too?” I looked up. “You love me, too?”

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. “Glad to see you made that connection. Keira, you should have known that before you could talk, you silly goose.”

“Oh, so you just love me? Like a daughter or a friend? Gee, thanks,” I muttered against his chest.

He laughed. “No. You should have known I was in love with you, Keira.”

I raised my chin to look at him in the eyes. “You’re sure?”

He chuckled. “Yeah. It’s my final answer.”

I swallowed. “Sweet,” I whispered.

“How’s your back?” Ryan asked.

“My back? Oh right.” I smiled. “It’s ok.”

“Wanna skip?”

I raised my eyebrows. “The nurse or school?”

He shrugged. “Both.”

I giggled. “Heck yeah!”

“Race you!” he said and took off down the halls.

“Wait for me!” I yelled after him.



We decided not to even go off campus. We went to the back of the school and sat under a tree there. “No one will find us here?” Ryan asked for about the fiftieth time.

“Yes. That’s why I choose this spot.”

“I just don’t really feel like getting yelled at.”

“Relax,” I said, lying in the grass. “Enjoy the sunshine.”

He smiled. “And you.”

“Of course me!”

We both laughed.

“So,” I said, about to ask the obvious question. “Are you back? Like for good?”

He began to shake his head, which made my heart drop a little. “I’m not really sure, Keira. I’m in between assignments right now.”

“What does that mean exactly?” I asked, feeling my throat tighten. Was I going to lose him again?

He shrugged. “It basically means that I could be whisked away at any given time.”

I could feel my eyes widen. “Like right now? You could all of a sudden disappear?”

“Sort of. I’ll know a few minutes ahead of time. Like before I had to leave you.”

“Yeah, I know,” I snapped. I sighed. “I’m sorry. I just really don’t want you to leave me again.”

“I’d love to stay with you forever, Keira. Honest.”

“Isn’t there a way to say ‘I retire!’?”

“If there is, I haven’t found it yet.”

I rolled over in the grass. “That sucks.”

“It really does,” he answered. “And I’ll just say I’m sorry ahead of time…”

I sat up quickly. “Oh no you don’t! That gives me no hope at all. Like you’re already giving up! You’re already saying goodbye to me! Isn’t there just the slightest chance they may not need you anymore??”

He stared into my eyes for the longest time. Every second ticking by, I was losing more a more hope. Finally, though, he said, “Yes. Slim, but you’re right.”

I smiled a little. “Then let’s just hope for that!”

He sighed. “All right. I’d love to believe it could happen.”

“Then do it! Believe it will!”

He smiled at that. “Ok. Maybe we should wish on every shooting star just to increase our chances.”

I laughed. “Yeah! And 11:11am and pm!”

“You got it,” he said and laughed.

I sighed happily and lay back down. “So, where’ve you been the past two years?”

“Two years?” he asked. “It’s been that long? You’re sixteen?”

I smiled. “I’m glad you have kept track of my age.”

He shook his head, incredulous. “Two years.” He looked over at me. “I really haven’t been keeping track. See, what happens is, after I leave whoever I was with, I forget about them. It doesn’t matter if I try to remember them with everything I have in me. I still end up forgetting. It’s a given, so don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” I said innocently.

He rolled his eyes. “You said that like, ‘oh, how could I ever be mad at you, Ryan.’”

I laughed. “Ok, I’m sorry I blew up before. I’m ok now and you can relax. I won’t get mad at you for anything else.”

He looked at me skeptically. “Is that a promise?”

I smiled. “I’ll only get mad at you for the things you deserve. You didn’t deserve it before. I’m sorry. So, go ahead. You were talking about forgetting the kids you loved.”

“Right,” he said and looked down at the grass. He chuckled once. “You know what’s weird?”

“What?” I asked.

“It’s weird that I even remembered you at all.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, like I said, I never remember the people I’ve been with before. It’s never happened. It’s never supposed to happen. But it did with you for some reason. When I was helping you to the nurse and you were in my arms, I remembered everything.”

“Then I’m special,” I said with a laugh.

He laughed, too. “I suppose so. So, in answering your previous question about where I’ve been,” he looked up. “I really don’t know.”

I sat up and scooted over to him willingly laying my head against one of his strong shoulders. “I’ve missed you,” I whispered.

He leaned down and kissed my head. “No kidding.”

I chuckled.

“So, what have you been doing the two years I’ve been forgetting everything, miss Keira?”

“Oh, hanging with the girlfriends, parties, that kind of stuff. You haven’t been there to tell me to keep out of trouble like before.”

“The trouble that usually arrives at parties?”

“That’s the kind,” I said.

“So, how much have you been getting into?”

“Not much. I keep myself in check most of the time.”

“And the rest of the time?”

“Stuff happens,” I whispered.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” he said just as quietly.

“Ryan, would you still love me if I had changed a lot?”

“I like the way you’ve changed,” he said and I could feel the smile in his voice.

“But what if I’ve changed too much?”

He looked down at me. “How do you mean?”

I sighed heavily. “I don’t know.”

“No, seriously, Keira. I’m here now. I’m interested in your life. Talk to me.”

I looked up at him again. “Well, I said yes to Sterling Knight.”

He frowned. “You said yes to what??”

I laughed a little. “It’s not like that. Calm down. I said yes to a date. I wasn’t supposed to.”

“Why not?”

“Well, he’s a jerk. He’s the one that did this!” I sat up and lifted my shirt for him to see my back.

“Maybe we should have gone to the nurse after all,” he muttered.

I put my shirt back and leaned against him again. “Oh, stop. I’m fine.”

“All right. So, why is it bad to go on a date with this Sterling Silver kid?”

I choked out a laugh. “That’s a good one! I’ll have to try that on him sometime!”

“Be my guest!”

“Sweet!”

He smiled. “So, why is it not a good idea for you to go out with Mr. Silver?”

I sighed. “Because two years ago, my friend Alex (you remember her), she went to a party all because he was going to be there. He invited her up to the bedroom, but she decided not to go through with it at the last minute. He told her to send up Erin on her way out the door.”

“Ouch. That must have hurt.”

“Like hell. She was incredibly sad. So, a few days after that we all made a promise, Emily, Erin, Alex, Kate, and me, to never say yes to Sterling.”

“Probably a good idea,” he agreed.

“Yeah, but I broke that promise yesterday.”

“So when is your date?”

“Friday night.”

“Movie?”

“I think that’s what he said. And get this, he was freaking nervous to ask me out!”

Ryan smiled. “I don’t blame him. Lucky guy.”

“Oh, stop it,” I said and hit him playfully on the arm.

“So, are you going to blow it off to be with me?”

“I’d like to, but I already said yes.”

“Tell him you changed your mind.”

“I can’t,” I said frowning.

“Why not?”

“Because I just can’t do that to someone. I made a commitment and I’ll stick to it.”

“Like the promise you made to never go out with him?”

“Exactly,” I said.

Ryan laughed. “You’re making no sense.”

I shrugged. “I’m a girl. It’s kind of my job.”

“I’ve heard that one before.”

I giggled. “But you know I love you. I don’t love Sterling. I don’t even really like him.”

“Then don’t go out with him.”

I sat up to look at him. “All right! I admit it.”

“Admit what?” he asked.

“I’m curious as to what’s going to happen!”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s probably not a good idea to find out.”

“Oh, I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl.”

“You’re sixteen,” he reminded me.

“Am I really?”

“No sarcasm now,” he said.

I laughed. “Just let me go with him. I’ll make him apologize for my back. I’ll make him be a gentleman.”

“How are you going to make him do anything? He can make you do anything!”

“Not if we’re just going to the movies where I can scream and someone will hear me.”

Ryan shook his head. “Shut up. You know what will happen if you let it.”

“Which is why I won’t let it.”

“You’re impossible!” he said throwing up his hands in frustration.

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“It wasn’t exactly a compliment,” he grumbled.

“I take it as one,” I argued.

He wrapped his arms around me suddenly. “I don’t want to lose you. Especially to a piece of jewelry!”

I giggled in spite of myself. “That wasn’t really a moment to laugh, Ryan. You shouldn’t have made me.”

“I didn’t make you do anything,” he said, but smiled.

“Ryan, you’re not going to lose me. To no one.”

“Ok,” he said. “I just have to remind myself to breathe.”

“Yes, breathing is good. I’ll call you as soon as the date ends. The very second jewelry man leaves.”

He nodded, and then smiled. “Ok. I trust you, Keira.”

I smiled back. “You should.”