Just the beggining

It was a screeching noise that sent me completely flying out of my bed.A familiar voice .I grabbed my robe and looked over my fireplace at the mantle clock,1:34 am.I ran to the door my hands sweating with anticipation,but then the handle moves and it comes flying open.”Amy!”It was Caleb my oldest brother and on the side of him was Nathan my second to oldest brother.They looked vigilant,their shirts were half buttoned,hair wildly put in place.”Amy are you alright?”Nathan said breathlessly.They must have heard it to.”It wasn’t me!”I said running between them.They followed me down the stairs and I ran straight to mother and father’s bedroom chamber.I pushed open the door and saw father(who looked the same as Caleb and Nathan)digging frantically in his medical bag on the desk.Then I looked were mother was lying on the bed.Her dark skin was now pale and plain,with little beads of sweat coming down her brow,she screeched in pain.”Mother!”I ran to her side gripping her hands.”Mother what's wrong!”I put my hand on her round belly,that held a baby balled up inside.I remember the day she told us,it was my sixteenth birthday.”Amy!Come here!”Father said eagerly,snapping me out of my flashback.In an instant I found myself at his side.”I want you to wipe down her face and neck for me.””What’s wrong!”I burst out.Finally he answered.”She’s in labor.”Without thinking I say,”But its to early!”He sends me a dissatisfying look and I back down.I find myself obediently by my mothers side.I’m wiping her pale skin watching her chest rise and fall heavily.Something was wrong,I could feel the darkness spreading around the room.I Hear the front door slam shut and Dr.Thomas comes running in.I had forgotten all about Nathan and Caleb,father must have sent them to get him.My fathers a doctor,he’s been one ever since I was born.Caleb just graduated from medical college.So,Why does he need Dr.Thomas?I run wildly over to where Dr.Thomas and my father are washing their hands in the basin.The maids rushing past me with cloths and bowls of water.The fact that me being a lady has no thought on me holding my tongue(Like my father says) when I say.”Father,why can’t Caleb help you?”He looks at me disapprovingly.But this time I do not back down.When he sees the horror in my eyes he looks away and says,”Amy,I don’t have time to argue with you.Go into the library with you brothers.”I turn my head and look out the door and see Caleb and Nathan eyeing me disapprovingly.They know how ill-tempered I can be.It’s not something I’m proud of,it’s just that my temper always get the better of me.But Dr.Thomas breaks in and says,”Amy,your father is more comfortable--””Yes but---”I feel massive,manly hands wrap around my waist and swing me out of the room.”Caleb!Stop it!”I growl.He looks at me with aggravation in his eyes.I look down straiten my robe and realize I don’t have a corset,I was so in a rush.I wrap my arms around my body,and blush.”I’m sorry Caleb.”I confess.But Caleb is already sitting on the chair staring out the window.Nathan is sitting on the chair next to me just staring.”It’s just that I’m nervous.”I say looking at Caleb.”Yes,and we aren’t.”He says matter-of-factly,then he turns back to the window.”You know something's wrong don’t you.”I say hoping he’d say”No everything’s fine,don’t worry about it.”Then,I get a chill that runs down my whole body and down to my feet.I don’t want him him to answer but he does,”I don’t know Amy.”He finds my eyes and I stare into his,he says,”I think Its to early.”With that Those words hang in the hair like an echo.I keep repeating it over and over in my head.





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Its been nearly three hole hours!I should know,I never took my eyes off of the clock.The echo is driving me nuts!Tick,tock.tick,tock.The door handle jiggles sending me and my brothers staggering to our feet.Sleep fills our eyes.The door opens and Dr.Thomas comes out.Sags beneath his eyes show the hours.He spreads his hands through his hair.Giving him a rugged look.I’m the first to break the silence.”Is everything ok?”I’m staring into his mouth waiting for an answer to jump out at me.Thinking Nathan can hear my heart beat because he’s standing right beside me,I look at him for a sign.Nothing.I look back at Dr. Thomas when he says,”Your mother,was very strong.She carried through the delivery.”I eye him,wanting more.”She--,”tears spread through his pale eyes.
“No,”I whisper.Its as if I’d swallowed a ships anchor,I can hardly breath.My veins turn into icy needles,Making it agonizing to move.I try to push the words out.I rush past Dr.Thomas,heart pounding out of my chest.Dr.Thomas grabs my arm.”Amy--,”He says comforting and soothing.But nothing could comfort me,nothing!”NO!”I yank my arm free.Running in to prove them wrong.Father is just sitting there beside her,head in hands.I rush to her side,waiting for her sweet smile to warm me.To comfort me,but all I see Is her lying there,dead to the world.I look at father who’s right beside me.He’s staring dead at me.I try to hold the tears back that fill in my eyes.I try to speak,but the lump in my throat holds me back and all I can Manage is Baby.He looks at me,for what seems like ages and stares at something across the room.I follow his gaze to a cradle on the other side of the bed.I walk silently past Nathan and Caleb.I eye the basket its laces draping to the floor.It rocks a little,as if its been expecting an arrival.I stare waiting for movement.Nothing.I walk closer,I spot a tiny wrinkled hand.Its pale and lifeless.I see it now,those banjo eyes like mothers.Hair like papa,coal black.Like mine too.I touch the smooth baby soft hand.Something touches my shoulders and I jump.Tears running down my cheeks.Its Nathan,I look at him,he wipes my fresh tear with his finger.He has tears in his eyes.Feeling no reassurment in his eyes,I finally break.I was trying to prove them wrong,but It turned on me.I was wrong,my mother and the baby were lying their,Silent,lifeless to our world,lost forever.They were dead.


* * * * * * *


I wake with a cry that is unawaringly let out of my throat.My eyes puffy and red,I’m still gasping for breath.I cried myself to sleep I had realized.I looked to my left and saw mother.I slept right besides her and held her cold dead hands.Caleb walks in lifeless to the world”Amy--”He looks to mother then to me”--its time.”he said breathlessly.”No....”I can barely speak fresh tears run down my cheeks and is burning in my eyes.I squeeze mothers hand.Caleb lifts me up with his strong arms.”No!Mother!No!”I'm struggling to fight against him but he’s to strong and I’m to weak.He puts me down by their door I break down sobbing my eyes out,I’m screaming,Caleb's holding me in his arms.All I can think of is my mother my loving mother why God,why?I pass out from exhaustion into Caleb's arms







Thunder rumbled in the distance.The rain started to fall,but I felt nothing.I just stared at the casket and the tiny one on top of it.Caleb whispered in my ear and asked me something but I didn’t hear him,my mind was cloudy with old memory’s and mothers sweet voice singing me lullabies.I looked to my right and saw father eyes haunted by inner pain.I carried my eyes back to the casket.The preacher had just finished his speech,I new because Nathan tapped me and motioned for me to through dirt onto the caskets.I knelt down and picked some up.I squeezed my fist,the dirt rolled through my fingers.My hand right before me I walked out from under the parasol,rain soaking me to the bones even my bustle dress was sagging making it a drag to walk.But it wasn’t my dress dragging me down,it was my heart every step was agony.I reached the caskets.I kissed my fist while tears streaked down my face,then held out my arm.After to long of not wanting to let go,Caleb walks up from behind me and squeezes my wrist forcing me to drop the dirt.I let out a moan and my knees weaken,ladies in the crowd gasped but Caleb steadies me and I regain my balance.I take a deep breath,I look at father and he eyes me.His stony face giving no comfort.He had never spoken to me since last night.I just turned away and head for the coach.Dripping,soaked to the bone like a wet dog not knowing were to go.The coach driver opened the door.I staggered inside,my knees were trembling.Nathan soon followed,then Caleb and Father.No one spoke.I forced no eye contact,just staring out the window.I’m going to tear myself apart thinking of mother and little Silas.I had found out that I was going to have a baby brother.We had thought of names before.If it were to be a boy,Silas,and if a girl,Elizabeth.I wondered what father was thinking.I eased my eyes towards him.The rain battered the coach and the lightning lite up the cloudy gloomy day.His eyes showed nothing,as if he to were lost to us.Nathan beside me sees a fresh tear running down my cheek he grabs my gloved hand and squeezes.I lay my head on his shoulder,my eyes like weights,I drift of into sleep,my dreams soon following.I see mother and my whole family laughing at what baby Silas has done.Four years old,hardly a baby though.I see him wearing fathers stethoscope in his ears listening to mothers heart beat.I laugh.My dream is short lived and now I see father standing in a gloomy lit street his eyes are weak and lost.I want to run to him,but I don’t know who he is.This is not my father.He turns to walk into the dark unknown world,I can’t bear to lose him.Trembling I try to run to him but I’m stuck I can’t move.So I yell out to him,”PAPA!Papa!”He doesn’t hear me,”Don’t leave me!”Crying now because I could only see his figure fading into the night.I collapse on the gloomy street.”Don’t leave me.”I whisper.I awake and see that I had only dozed off for a couple of minutes.Relieved to see father still there staring out the window.It was only a dream.I keep telling myself.Or was it?