The Complexity that is Love (2)

Part 2 Of my previous entry.



****************--Thursday--**********************

It was only a little disappointing to find that he had his friend Sean there. He was being rather obnoxious making all kinds of "Woman!" jokes. I was going to hit him. It was mostly in good fun, though. I'd managed to have a good time despite the crazy friend.

Deric had randomly said to me "I was thinking about you all week."
I was surprised to hear this. "I was thinking about you too. Only, I was probably serious."
"Serious?" he asks.
"You know, like not sarcastic." I reply.
"So was I," he says.
"Really?" he nods."Why would you do that?"
"I dunno." He shrugs. "I've had your picture in my backpack all week."
"Picture? What picture?" I ask thinking he snuck a pic of me while I wasnt' looking.
"The fox thing."
"OH! That picture. Haha." I laughed realizing that he was talking about my the drawing I'd given him.
I wanted to talk to him then about how much I liked him, and would have if his friend hadn't come back.

I snuck a photo of his face, a good one, and I was able to receive his address for letter writing purposes. He's left handed. A shock to me. He draws and writes nicely. Most male lefties that I know aren't skilled in this way. Nice surprise.
"I might be able to come this weekend. It depends on my dad." But I'd planned for Thursday to be my last day.

From my secret photo of him, I drew his face. It turned out alright, at least you could tell who it was. I think it could be better.

*********************--Dream Come True--**********************

Okay, following Beth to the theatre was monstrous! Ha ha. A few people cut me off, and there were times she didn't use her turn signal like she so often forgets. A ton of me driving was guess work. When we made it to the Grocery Outlet (the reason I was following her because she needed to leave early to stop by and get some stuff and so I didn't just show up all by myself which would have been weird) I parked all crooked. I need to practice like mad. I thought I was good enough, but I've just been BSing my way through. Anyway, we get going and there's another person in between me and Beth. It was harder that time because I really didn't know where I was going. Eventually that car turned off, and then we had to turn off at the next intersection. We did eventually make it, and I was relieved to see the street.

I walked in with my pretty new dress, and the guy is sitting on the couch with his laptop listening to music. I said "Hi" and he looks up, smiles (all surprised like ) and says "Hi Whitney."  I casually put my stuff down and take a seat next to him.  We talked about music for a while. And then he decided to go to the lighting booth and so I followed, with my clipboard of course (where the drawing was hiding ) I got into my seat up there, and then got his attention. (it was just the two of us today, so yay.) I said "Want to see what I drew last night?" He says "Sure." I started off showing the other pics of people that I've drawn (like Shoko, Maiko, ME) and so on. Then I get to the last one and say "Recognize this person?"  It was of him. He noticed the broken glasses thing and laughed. I showed him the picture that I'd taken to use for reference. And I said "You can keep that if you want." He said "Thanks" and accepted my little present.  It was actually kind of boring, that time. Not much happened. We talked a little about some stuff. It was alright. I just couldn't find a moment to tell him that I liked him..It just never seemed right. I did offer another bit of that inside joke.  I was like "Well, my hands aren't cold, but my feet are...does that count?" He laughed. "Best pick-up line ever!" He said. I was like "I thought you said it was the Worst" He's like "It is..well, it's so bad, it's good."
"Ah, I see" I say.  Well, intermission is just around the corner and he does the thing with the spotlight. I ask him "Do you even believe in God?" and he says "Yah." that was good to know.  "So," I further inquire, "Are you a regular Christian, or one of those other kinds..?" (and by other kinds, I mean NO offense, I was meaning like Nazarene, or Seventh Day Adventist..etc.) He says "I don't really know. I believe that Jesus was just a prophet." that's not good.  I'm going to have to work on him. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and made a point of telling him so. "Well, I don't go to church, so what do I know?" I'm hoping that means he's open to the idea. Then we went down for intermission. It was all fine.
I had him show "Aunt Marsha", also known as Heidi, the pic of him I drew. She draws and amazingly too!  She was amazed by it.  It was nice.  Deric then took the pic and put it in his backpack with the other pic I drew for him.

Anyways, we went back to the light booth, and the little girl was up there this time. I was a little disappointed about that at first, but if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing.  During the first half of the play, I sat to his left. After intermission, I sat on his right and Mary, the little girl, was on his left. She was sooo annoying!  She turned the light off and on and was making all kinds of trouble. It was sort of funny. Anyway, there were moments when he'd give me that look and smile that I so adore and he even put his arm on the back of my chair. I just wanted to die. He was treating me like I was his girlfriend, but I know better than that. And at the end of the play, the little girl finally left and I said to him "Can I tell you something?"
"Sure" he says, while making sure everything is set.
I hesitated and took a breath. "You're killing me." He didn't say anything. "Want to know why?" Still nothing. "I really like you, and you make it hard to ignore." Here he gives a smile.
"I like you too." He says. I was so happy to hear that.
"BUT you have a girlfriend..so."
"Yah, I have a girlfriend. And I'm with her until she gets tired of me, and that will happen eventually."
I smile a little weakly, with a glint of hope."Well, if that does happen, you let me know, okay?" I say trying to get that smile to seem more sincere.
He nods. "I will," he says a little upbeat sounding.
"Is that a promise?" I ask.
"Yah, it is." he says.

I had a dream of this scenario. Just like that. "Well, when that story ends, you let me know, okay?"
"I will" he says with longing eyes. In the dream he was about to kiss me when my sister walks in yelling at me for almost kissing a boy who already has a girlfriend. Then he was gone. I woke up mad at her, then realized she'd done nothing wrong. I had.

Well, I'm cool with that. I did tell him that I wouldn't want him to dump his girlfriend for me or anything..but I trailed off a little before finishing that sentence because I didn't want to sound conceited.  I mean, what kind of a guy would do that to his girlfriend of almost three years? So far, he seems to be a really good guy.



****************--Final Performance--**********************

First off, I had every intention of going for the last day and staying as long as possible. I just had to let my parents know that.

Well, I went to church and stuff, rushed home to see my dad before he left. (I was told he was leaving at noon which is when Church gets out.) I was going to wait until my dad left to go myself, get gas and head into town. It takes about 20-30minutes to get there. Well, house opens up at 1:00pm so I wanted to get there close to that time. I was expecting to leave around 12:30-12:45. I ended up leaving at 1:00.  Wasn't my intention. Especially since I wanted to get gas first. (car + broken gas gauge = fill up regularly!!)  Anyway, God blessed my trip and I got there around 1:30. The show started at 2:00pm which meant that my free ticket in was open!  If I went through the regular door, I'd have had to pay.(I later told Deric that I was glad the door was open so I wouldn't have to pay. He said "You wouldn't have had to pay. I have a ticket." He was going to give me his special ticket! I felt so special.)  I went around to the backstage door and it was open! Praise the Lord!  I went downstairs, said hi to everyone, and Judie, the director, and I were chatting a little bit, and she said I made him happy. I can't remember the whole conversation, but when she said that I was like "I try."  I went upstairs and headed straight for the lighting booth to establish my seat up there. He wasn't there, but it didn't take long to spot him in front of the audience talking to someone. He looked up confused and I waved. He then got that look of "Oh!" and waved back. A little relieved too.  (This I'll explain in a moment). I started heading down and saw Dave and Judy, from church, sitting in the front row, closest to the door. I walked in front of them and said "Boo!" They looked up, took a second..."Hi! What are you doing here?"
"Oh, you know, just hangin' out" I said while trying to direct their eyes to the boy standing about 5 feet away.
"Who are you hanging out with?" Asks Judy trying to confirm my head twitching.
I looked over my shoulder at the tall guy in the black shirt leaning against the wall and said "The guy in black standing against the wall there." I looked back with a big smile on my face. Then continued with the details. "But I gotta lay low, because he's already got a girlfriend."
A little surprised, Judy commented wide eyed "Yah!" ha. Things like that bum me out a little because I was thrilled to be there, and I knew he was glad to see me...it just makes things so complicated. Anyway, I chatted with them a little bit, Judy was insistent on talking more.  I had to sort of push myself away. I then proceeded back to the lighting booth where I saw him messing with the music, or something. I'm not really sure what he does.
"Hello, handsome." I say casually.
"Hi, I'm really glad you came." He says.
"Me too." I say back.

Yah. Now I have to try remembering stuff in bits and pieces, no promises it'll be in chronological order or anything, so bear with me.

This is my explanation for the "relieved" comment. At some point he'd said that someone told him that there was a blonde kid who just climbed up into the lighting booth. He asks "Was she like, just a kid?" and the guy was like "Yah." Then he looked over, and I waved, and he was like "Oh, not that's the eighteen year old." I corrected him saying "I'm not eighteen yet!" Novemeber 24th! Don't you forget it. lol. He shrugged. I'm assuming he thought it was Mary, the little girl.

He told me about how he was super tired. He'd walked quite a ways to get to a friend's house. He left the theater around 10, 10:30? Got to his friends at like 1:30am. He went right to bed. Got up around 8, got back at around 10-10:30 ish.  Poor guy. He told me some funny stories, like about how the military dudes came to his school, and at this time he had a cast on his broken foot, they had the pull-up thing out and guys were getting about 4 or 5 pull ups. He was talking to his friends and saying "Hey wouldn't it be hilarious if I beat them all?" his friends all laughed and encouraged him on. (The way he told it was funnier, I assure you.) So he walks up there in his crutches, and they guys are all like "Um...Are you ALLOWED to do this?" "Oh yah, I can do this." he assures them. "Well...alright, but if you get tired, you let us know.." so he hops up there, cast and all and gets to about 15, drops and says "I'm tired." and crutched his way back to his seat. It was HILARIOUS. It was a very good time.

I then asked him about the military and what he was planning on that. (I knew he wanted to go into it because the first night I met him, he was talking to others about how they said he didn't weigh enough to get in. He was like "I have to gain 14 pounds to get in the military, who knew you had to weigh so much?" or something really funny.) Anyway, so he tells me that he wants to get in because they pay for everything for where ever you're based (and he wants to go into the air force and be based in Germany, live there for four years and such.) for working active duty. He explained that they pretty much own you for four years, but they're paying for your housing, food, and education, as well as paying you! Because of this, he said, he wants to save everything and then start up a family. *Take note of the excellent quality in that!* Yah, that's a really good plan. I was like "Well, as long as you don't get yourself killed.." He was like "Yah, everyone says that." He was talking about like doing whatever, even just answering phones and such. lol. He wants to travel. I agreed that traveling would be fun. I asked if he was going to go into the military right out of high school or...and he's like "That I dont' know about yet." and the reason is his foot. You see, from what he told me, he should still be wearing one of those boot things, but because he has this job of going up and down stairs, and ladders, there's no way. Instead, he might stay in town for two years or something. I hope I'm updated on that. He doesn't show pain at all, so I dunno. He says he can't run anymore, but he used to (which doesn't surprise me, he's built like a runner.) and could run the mile in like 6 minutes. I was like "Wow!" He was like "And by 6 minutes, I mean 6 minutes and like 53 seconds."
"Oh!" I laughed. "Then I ran the mile last time in 9 minutes, instead of almost 10!" he smiled and offered a small laugh.

Then it was his cue. lol. He got right back on track and got the play going.  Good conversation.  Real good conversation. I'm a little concerned that he wants to go to Germany, though. It's so far away. What am I talking about, though? You know? It's not like I really know him that well, but there's just something about him. Just something. It could be that he's just really cute, nice, and funny, or that he likes me too. Ever since I met him, I thought he was just wonderful. Very open, funny, and always something good to say. I was nervous to talk to him that first night. I kept wanting to say something, anything really. Finally, near the end of that night, I got up the courage to say "Are your glasses broken?" and the conversation was small, but enough to break the ice. From there, I'd have a good time every time I went. I think I've gone like 7 times? I dunno. It's my best guess here. I didn't start writing about him until I was sure of how he spelled his name. (I was smart to do that in the sense that if I hadn't, I'd have been spelling it wrong! ) I'm glad I waited, but it makes counting hard,

The first bit was alright. Plenty of smiles and plenty of that sweet look that just melts me from the inside out. During intermission, he went after cookies. I managed to eat one (despite my super dry mouth) and I sat down on the couch. He was standing around and talking here and there. He took a look at me, I smiled, he smiled, he walked over and sat next to me.  Soon it was time to go and we scrambled up the stairs. (I'm not sure when this happened, but I shut the door between the green room and the stairway, and he stood at the wall and looked at me. I'm like huh? He then sort of motioned at the stairs. "Oh! Ladies first" I say in my mind. He's pretty good about that, although I can't for the life of me remember when that took place, but it did.) Anyway, after intermission, there were times where I'd just be casually watching the play (or what little bits I chose to pay attention to) and he'd sneak his arm around the back of my chair. That happened on Saturday too. Such perfectly innocent and at the same time not so innocent moments.  And there was a time where (I'm so sure he did this on purpose) I had my hand on my knee, and his hand was hanging over his knee, and my knee and his knee were like right there, and I could feel his fingers ever so slightly on my hand.




*****************--STRIKE!--***********************


After the show, we started on what they call "Strike." His favorite part, he told me. (My least favorite only because it meant the end of it all.) It's where they take down the set to get ready for the next play production. The flats, or fake walls, had to be de-taped and taken down, the carpet had to have the staples removed, and be rolled up and hauled off, and new flats had to be brought in. That's not even counting getting rid of all the props, either. I helped get some props, and he did some more macho-like stuff because he's a guy, and guys do that sort of thing. I offered to do something like that. pfft. Actually, first he was asked to take care of some carpet. He asked me to help him roll it up.  I went ahead and took down tape and such, and picked out staples. I'd wanted to help him move this piece of furniture, but the Chris guy (who was an actor and is a Sophmore) wouldn't let me, and I was like "Dude, just pick it up, I can handle this!" Then came the guy I like and took it all away. Not the last time he'd do that, I tell ya! I went ahead and let him, feeling underestimated. I continued to dink around a little. After a while, he disappeared. I couldn't find him anywhere. I looked upstairs and down twice, and still nothing. I even looked out back, but didn't see him anywhere. It was really bizarre. I retired to the green room for a little while, and Judie asked "Where's Deric?" I openly said "I have no clue where he is." A few seconds later, he walks in with some other guy, them carrying and large roll of carpet, attempting to fit it into this impossible space. At some point, he had to bend the carpet (I admit, that was impressive because I know how hard carpet is to move around like that!) I tried to explain to him that I was buff enough to handle the work, but I guess he either wasn't listening, or disregarding it. I dunno. He had lost the part of his glasses that's broken, and was like "I gotta go find it." Then looked at me and said "You coming?" so I hopped up and joined him. He pretty much knew exactly where it'd fallen, but I appreciated the time.  Speaking of which, he asked "How are you on time?" I related to him that I had about 20 minutes left. I went out back to help carry in more flats, because I knew I could take it. I had one end, went down some stairs, went up more stairs, and at the top of the stairs, who comes in and steals the flat from me? None other than Deric and his glasses-less face. (He'd asked me to hang on to them after he'd taken up a flat before I got to help take mine.) That was the point where Susan, the gal in charge of the set construction and what not asked "Who are you?" I told her "I'm Whitney Davis!" and held out my hand in a firm handshake. Deric on my right was like "That was a proud introduction." then imitated me. I smiled. Accepted his glasses, put them in my purse that was slung around my shoulder and went to work. He took that work away too, and I was like "I give up." I did offer to help more, but people kept on getting there, so I was jobless after that. My last last job was hauling a table top (it was round and light) while he took the base of it. We carried it to the green room. Then he ran some papers to either Judie or Susan, I can't remember which, for some reason. Some work info stuff. Then returned. We lingered in the green room, pretty much waited for Beth and "Herbie" to leave for a quick moment alone. He was all sweaty so he rinsed his head off in the sink in the bathroom. Ha ha he was like "This is pretty much how I wake up every morning" as he scrubbed his hair dry with a towel. It all stuck up, it looked really funny.  "And you wonder why your hair is always such a mess!" I commented. (He doesn't like his haircut, I like it just fine.) Then, from where I was sitting on the couch, he stood there, I stood up, he gently led my by his hand (totally got to hold his hand there) and then swung me around at the door, looked at me and said "Are you leaving now?" "Yes, I am." I replied. He gave me a hug, and of course it was funny because he said something like "I'm covered in smelly sweat" or something and I was like "Mmmm! I'm going to smell like BO-- Like a manly man!" Then he waved and said "Well, goodbye." "I'll write." I added as he ascended the stairs and I left the building. I walked solemnly to my car. Heard his voice talking to someone, and then I talked a little bit to Beth (she was leaving too.) and then got in my car and left. At the corner where there's a stop light that never changes, I saw him sitting on this wall thing. I looked up, smiled and waved, he saw me and waved too, and then he headed off across the street. It took a few seconds after he disappeared from my sight for the light to change. I left and wanted to cry the whole way home because I knew I'd never get to see him again.

Best weekend ever. I wish it never had to end.


**************--Beautiful Soul--***************************


I miss him. I saw him 5 days ago, but it feels like 5 weeks. I pray for his salvation all the time and I pray he got my letter and will send me a reply.

I've seen him seven times. Each time for about 3-5 hours a piece. In relation, I've spent at least 21 hours with him. The most, about 35 hours. that's over a day. This all over the course of September.

Deric is something special to me. I hope I don't lose my chance with him. He's just about everything I want in a guy, and a little more and a little less.  I feel privileged to know him, and honored to have his interest. It gives me  a good sense of feeling. I admire that he wants to start a family. I admire that he knows what he wants, and he knows exactly how to get it. I admire his compassion, and his appreciation for beauty.  He said once to me that he'd like to live either in the forest or the desert. I said I'd prefer the forest. "Me too," He said. "There's just something about climbing up on a hill and seeing everything below..It's just really pretty." I knew exactly what he was talking about. He has a beautiful soul.

He has a beautiful soul.