Fake Love

DYLAN POINT OF VIEW

The icy air greeted me as I took a step outside. I turned to the left on instinct. I found her. I knew she would be here. Of course, she was swinging on the porch swing. "Kayla?" I said asking why she was out here. She turned to look at me slowly.

Her eyes were bloodshot. Her skin was barely clinging to her cheekbones. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something. Her teeth were still bright white. Her mouth hung open until she turned her head away from me. She had red lines around her neck. Not a surprise, she has tried to kill herself more ways than one.
I walked over, and sat next to her. Placing my hand on hers, I turned my face towards her. "Kayla, we need to talk." I whispered my words so not to hurt her ears. She was delicate, fragile.

"Dylan," She breathed. I wondered if it hurt for her to talk. I squeezed her hand. Remembering my name was the first step. She was not improving physically but mentally, well hopefully.

"Kayla, I have to leave." I whispered looking down. This hurt so much. I had been with her before her sickness. In the beginning, she would call me, begging to come over and talk to her. When she got worse, I never left her side. Allowing everything, she did to herself. Now, she barely remembered she and me have not called me over in months.

She nodded. I was not sure if that meant she agreed or she understood. "No Kayla, i'm leaving and I'm never coming back." I said glancing at her face. She nodded once more. This time I saw a tear slide its way towards her chin. She did not want me to leave but she knew I had too. My chest throbbed. "What happened to your neck?" I asked wanting to change the subject.

She looked at me with wide eyes. Her hands squirmed free of my grip and shaped a circle. She was shaking. I spotted a scar near her wrist. Looking at her, I grabbed her arm gently and pulled up her sleeve. She turned away from me, knowing I would hate it.

Her arm read "I'm fine" in scars. I sighed. "This is why I'm leaving. I do not want to see you hurt yourself repeatedly. I care about you too much." I said letting go of her and standing up. She stood up too. Her blue eyes gazing into mine burned my mind. I wanted her badly."Go back inside and lay down." I told her, pointing towards the house.
She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me into the house with her. I stood there watching her use up her strength. My thoughts flashed back to when she was a cheerleader. Flipping around and doing stunts was her favorite thing to do. Her muscles must have faded away along with her smiles.

Soft lips touched my cheek forcing me to come back to the present. I smiled. Our last kiss, before this, was beautiful. It felt like it meant something. A few weeks later, she turned ill and I kept dreaming that one day she will wake up and we can do it all over again. Maybe, making it mean more than last time.

I let go of that thought recently. She was not going to wake up and suddenly be better one day. She had changed and I did not like the new her. I guess what we had, was not love after all. "Good bye Kayla." I said moving out of her reach. I turned around and walked back to my car. I did not look back. I was afraid I might change my mind. Her old face floating in my mind as I drove away.






KAYLA POINT OF VIEW

My scream rang out in the halls though my closed doors. I was a prisoner to my room all day and all night. Here is where I must stay until I am, by my doctors standards, better. I was getting so thin. All my cheerleading muscles are slowly evaporating. My skin is so pasty white. I had broken my mirror a few weeks ago. Looking at what I had become disgusted me. This sickness was not worth living through. The only true reason why I was putting up with it was Dylan.

I honestly believe Dylan was my other half. Together forever is what everyone thought, including me. I wish he could come over still. My nurse had forbid him from seeing me. Of course, there is no way I could argue with her. My room locks from the outside, which is why I screamed.
My door opened now. Squeaking, it opened to show my little sister stepping through. "What's wrong Kayla?" she whispered. She would not look at me. She thought I was as disgusting as I thought I did.
I motioned for her to come closer towards me. She looked back at the hallway then glanced at me. She took a few more steps away from the door. "I want out." I whispered.

"What?" she said taking a few more steps towards me. She still had her head turned away from me slightly. I wanted to grab it and force her to look at me. She was stronger than I was. I had no chance of being aggressive.
"I want out." I repeated still whispering. She looked back at the door. I could tell she was torn. She knew I needed out, but it was against the rules.
"Uh, sorry Kayla, That's against the rules." She said with her eyes parallel to the floor. As she walked out the door, she closed it so softly that it did not close all the way.

I grinned as wide as my mouth would go. She was so smart. Once they figure out that I got out, I will not tell them Ashley let me free. I got up slowly and made my way to the door. I twisted the knob and opened it as slowly as I could hope it would not squeak.
I peeked out, not a single person in my way. I quickly, well as fast as I could, walked towards the door that led outside. I had shut my bedroom door so that no one would suspect anything out of the ordinary until someone had to check on me. It was naptime though so I had a few hours to soak in the sun.

Once outside, I stood there for a couple of seconds, taking it all in. Outside, oh how I missed outside. I turned to the right to see beautiful flowers overtook the porch. I turned to the left, noticing a white swing hanging there untouched. I walked over to it, touching it with my fingertips. I was testing it for safety. I sat down and slightly pushed myself when my legs.
I remembered sitting on it holding Dylan's hand. Smiling, we were always smiling. We laughed at everything. We were just two happy teenagers. Together forever we used to say. I hoped that still rang true.

"Kayla?" a familiar voice sounded behind me. I turned slowly towards him. I could not believe it. Was it really him? I opened my mouth to say something. The way he was looking at me was why I could not say anything. Was I trash to him? I turned my head away. I did not want him to look at me like that. I wanted him to smile when he saw me. Like nothing had ever happened.
The swing moved a little when he sat down. I felt his hand on mine. Just like old times, holding hands on the porch swing. Maybe he still loved me. Maybe he just..."Kayla we need to talk." He whispered.

I winced. Those were my most feared words. It was another warning of bad news. I never thought I would hear those words, except in my nightmares. "Dylan." I managed to breathe out. I was afraid. I wanted to tell him that everything was okay. That I was going to get better.
He squeezed my hand. I turned my face towards him. "Kayla, I have to leave." He whispered. He looked down. My heart sunk. I wondered if it hurt. Maybe, he did not really want to leave. Maybe he was just a coward and did not want to see how I would act.

I nodded slowly. Maybe he did want to leave. I remembered everything he did for me. He would come over even at two in the morning. He would see the scars on my wrists and just let me cut away. Whatever made me happy was all right with him. He was always on my side. I did not want to hold him down. If he wanted to leave then I wanted him to leave.
"No Kayla, i’m leaving and I'm never coming back." He said looking up at me again. I blinked a few times to keep back the tears. He did not get it. I knew what he meant, and I wanted whatever he thought he wanted. I nodded once again, letting my guard down. A tear slipped out, racing its way towards my chin. His expression changed. I think he understood what I meant now.

"What happened to your neck?" He said fast. My eyes got wide. He was the first one to notice. I did not realize he looked at me that close. I owed him the truth. My fingers squirmed around until my hands broke free. I made a circular shape trying to explain me choking myself. The illness made me want violence. It made hurting me okay.
A cool breeze passed by forcing me to shiver. He grabbed my wrist. I looked away. He was not supposed to see that. If he was leaving, why was he commenting on me? He should not care. "This is why I’m leaving. I do not want to see you hurt yourself repeatedly. I care about you too much." He said louder than earlier. He let go and stood up. I wanted to tell him if he still cared, he should not leave. My lips could not find the words.

"Go back inside and lay down." He told me. His eyes were burning. He did not want to leave. I stood up and tried to pull him towards the house with me. He did not even budge. Either he was amazingly strong or I was completely weak.
He was not even looking at me. I let go of his hand and took a step closer to him. He smiled so well. I was going to miss him too much. The only reason why I had not done serious damage to myself was he. If he left, what would I have to live for?

I set my lips on his cheek trying to get his attention. He noticed but he went back to thinking. I was hoping he was realizing he needed me as much as I needed him.
"Good bye Kayla." He said to me. He heart fell out of my chest. He walked away. I stared at him wishing I could say something. He was leaving me forever. He stopped loving me. I stood there as he got in his car. My head pounded hard. My eyesight got blurry. I fell down. I could not breathe. It was over. Just like that. Gone.